Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The most boring watch for a Boiler Tech in the Navy was the
checkman. You were on the upper level in between the two
boilers and the majority of your watch consisted of watching
the water level go up and down in a gage glass. Most
watches were of the six on six off type and that didn't give you
a lot of time to shower, eat, and try to get a few hours sleep
and you ended up tired and hungry a lot.
Used to buy a bunch of those little cans of beans and weenies,
scalloped potatoes etc. and stash them onboard in case I woke
up late and couldn't get to the messdecks. I was standing checkman
watch in 2 main and I would take the aluminum cans and crack
them open and then set them on top of the gage glass at about
700 degrees for a few minutes and they would be steaming hot
and ready to eat. All went well until I put a can of beans up there
without cracking the seal. I remembered it about 5 minutes later
and it felt hot but not overly swollen so I figured I could just
crack
the seal and let the pressure out slowly. It seemed like a good
idea until this needle sized stream of superheated beans came
out and hit me. I dropped the can which started spinning like
Hero's turbine on the deck grating and I retreated about ten feet as
it danced across the floor. When it finally stopped moving I picked
up the
can and there was about a quarter-inch of beans in the bottom with
two
slices of hot dog. The rest of it was in a fine spray all over evey
lagged
white line from the deck gratings up to the overhead, the worse
being on the soot blower piping.
At that moment the chief walked up behind me from the access
ladder as I was surveying the damage with the can in my hand.
He said," Forgot to open the can before you heated it didn't you."
I nodded and he said," Get it cleaned up." I spent the next two
watches with cans of cleanser and a sponge scrubbing lines.
We had a Copes- Vulcan feedwater controls so the only time
you had to worry about checking water was if you lost air pressure.
Then you had maybe twenty seconds to get the check valve
closed which wasn't the nicest thing in the world to have to do.
Some idiot had had trouble one time and instead of using a crow's
foot had used a pipe wrench and the burrs were as sharp as a
razor and would fillet the skin from your hands and in the
excitement you never noticed it but you sure did the next day.
More of this story tomorrow.
buffalo
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Magic Chips
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TOP 13 SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG MAGICIAN
13 Saws a gummie bear in half, then puts it back together.
12 Insists that his magic won't work if he puts his clothes back on.
11 "The Amazing Kevorkian" is scaring the hell out of Grandma.
10 Makes a bird appear for the kids by simply raising his middle
finger.
9 Replaces pulling a rabbit out of his hat with the slightly racier
pulling the "big snake" out of his pants.
8 She closes her eyes, then claims to be invisible.
7 His first and only trick: The Amazing Disappearing Bottle of
Jagermeister.
6 During one trick, screams, "Pick a freakin' card already or I
swear I'll blow the little birthday boy's head off!"
5 Begins by saying his first trick "relies on the magic of sweet,
sweet love."
4 His biggest trick? Converting a sixer of Coors into "liquid gold"
--
eventually.
3 Smoke emanating from more than just the fingertips of The
Magnificent Flatulo.
2 Before every trick, tells hostess, "For this one I'm going to need
to borrow your bra."
1 Her "magic words" after sawing a volunteer in half?
"Ohshitohshitohshit!!"
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List
top5@gmbweb.com <http://www.topfive.com> ] [ Do not forward,
publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The
Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ]
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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you don't understand
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Command Chips
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During the Boer war at an English army post in
Africa a new commandant arrives to take over.
He says to the old commandant "Well done and
compliments from Her Majesty"
The old commandant says "I can't take the credit,
my right hand man Smithers runs this place!! I'll
introduce you to him"
The old commandant calls out "Smithers!!" and from
around the corner comes this decrepit midget, 3
foot tall, no hair, no teeth, blind in one eye, a
withered arm and a gummy leg!!
The new Commandant says "Is this Smithers?? - er -
give me your history prior to joining up here
Smithers!!"
Smithers replies "Well sir, I was All England
bench press champion for 2 years; prop forward
in the British Lions rugby team; rowed in the
Winning Cambridge crew and was the Scottish
Highlands caber tossing champion"
The old Commandant says "Yes-we know all that
Smithers- tell the new commandant about the
time here when you told our local witchdoctor
to go fuck himself!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
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A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the
pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and
said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go
to
Japan if I can, and I think I can."
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room.
She
stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy,
and
when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I
think
I can."
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the
back
of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't
give
a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I
can
and I think can!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Quaker Chips
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There was a clerk in a small town general store in the
South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began
filling a shopping cart with items.
This man was so distinctive in that he could have been
the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was
dressed in black, very tall and had that hat just like
the Quaker Oats guy wears.
Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let
alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter
with his selections the clerk could hardly contain
himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was trying
to ring up the merchandise.
"Yes," the tall man said with a little edge in his
voice.
"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real
Quaker?"
The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, "Yes,
I am a real Quaker."
"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real
Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk
for me?" asked the clerk.
The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to
be
tallied up. As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please
mister, say something in Quaker talk?"
The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture
of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear
the quiet reply. The man said, "Screw Thee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the
local drugstore. "What size?" asked the blonde pharmacist's
assistant
sweetly. When he admitted he wasn't sure of his size.
The blonde led him into the back room, lifted her skirt and told him
to enter her.
He was delighted to oblige. "Size six." she told him after a moment
"Now take it out. How many?"
Harry bought a dozen, and on his way home, he ran into his friend
Tom. Harry eagerly told Tom the whole story.
Tom rushed down to the drugstore to place an order. "But I'm afraid
I
don't know my size." he told the sales girl.
So the blonde led him in to the back room and repeated the
procedure.
"Size seven, Sir, now take it out please. How many?"
But Tom kept it in till he reached a climax; "None thanks." he told
her, zipping up his fly. "I just came in for a fitting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Serenity
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To much to gain to lose/Marlene/
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Thoughts For Today
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Playing With Food
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Surfin Surfari
Glossary Religious Symbols
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Biography Of America
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Green Living Tips
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Green Guide
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Rubotted
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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One Smart Dog!
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Fin Potato Whore
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Fire hose Rodeo
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Fly
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Football As It Should Be
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For Men
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Finalized MTG Minutes
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First Day At The Rifle Range
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First IT Consultant
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Fishing Boat
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Fitness
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personals In The Dublin News Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks
gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints,
cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on
Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime
fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still
exists in this cruel world of hatchet_faced bitches.
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail
purposes, maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in
the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady,
with a lovely chest.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi
for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 1130 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed
supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin
sister.
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Toon Chips
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cold nose
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "That isn't your finger?"
There was an old man of Tagore
Whose tool was a yard long or more,
So he wore the damn thing
In a surgical sling
To keep it from wiping the floor.
It has been repeatedly said
That Barb loves to play in bed
And If she can find the right guy
That was willin' an able to comply
She'll put a ceiling mirror overhead -
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pauly went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost
had an affair with my neighbor."
The priest said, "What do you mean, 'almost'?"
Pauly said, "Well, I'm home all day and so is she, so we got
undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it
in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
Pauly left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over
to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I
saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
Pauly replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1825
Reflections of the One I love
Sandi: Dad, you have to come see this.
BJ: Okay what is going on?
Sandi: It is your crazy daughter, Katie.
They go outside where Katie is barking at a large pool of water.
BJ: What is she barking at?
Sandi: Her reflection, I believe.
BJ: Let's get closer and check this one out.
BJ: Hey Katie what are you doing?
Katie: I am talking to this dog in the water.
BJ: Oh, I see. So how is it going?
Katie: She mimics everything I do. Watch when I bark she barks.
Bark bark bark!
Katie: I have been barking at her for hours but she doesn't get
tired.
BJ: Come here Katherine, I have something to tell you.
Katie trots over
BJ: You are looking at yourself in the water. It is like a mirror.
Katie blushes...: No way.
BJ: It is a fact.
Sandi nods her head.
Katie: Come over with me and let me see if you are in the water to.
The three walk to the water's edge
Katie: I'll be darned, I have been barking at myself all day.
Sandi: The water distorts things a bit sis.
Katie: Oh my goodness I will never be able to hold my head up in
society again.
BJ: How about we go into the house and watch Big Red, the Irish
Setter movie?
Katie: With ice cream?
BJ: Sure.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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