Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
On Father's Day 2010
"Fathers Are Wonderful People"
Fathers are wonderful people
Too little understood,
And we do not sing their praises
As often as we should...
For, somehow, Father seems to be
The man who pays the bills,
While Mother binds up little hurts
And nurses all our ills...
And Father struggles daily
To live up to "his image"
As protector and provider
And "hero of the scrimmage"...
And perhaps that is the reason
We sometimes get the notion,
That Fathers are not subject
To the thing we call emotion,
But if you look inside Dad's heart,
Where no one else can see
You'll find he's sentimental
And as "soft" as he can be...
But he's so busy every day
In the grueling race of life,
He leaves the sentimental stuff
To his partner and his wife...
But Fathers are just wonderful
In a million different ways,
And they merit loving compliments
And accolades of praise,
For the only reason Dad aspires
To fortune and success
Is to make the family proud of him
And to bring them happiness...
And like Our Heavenly Father,
He's a guardian and a guide,
Someone that we can count on
To be always on our side.
Helen Steiner Rice
buffalo says
I made a lot of mistakes as a father. I blame myself that Buffy
didn't
graduate from high school and a million little things. Perhaps if I
had been a tyrant I could have gotten her to college. It seems
though that fate has given me another chance, with my granddaughter,
to do better. The same mistakes are there though, punishments
forgotten, timeouts cancelled without good behavior, and always a
hug even though you suspect they are faking the tears. Yep I will
probably mess up this one too, I just hope that fate doesn't come
back and make me do it over again, I am getting too old for this.
Enjoy the Chips.... buffalo
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Leaving Chips
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The Top 20 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover
20> Sell her for crack, Jack.
19> Leave up the lid, Sid.
18> Throw his clothes on the lawn, Dawn.
17> Keep wetting the bed, Fred.
16> Stab her and a waiter after nightfall, Orenthal.
15> Tell her you're gay, Ray.
14> Ask if she's gained weight, Nate.
13> Call her a ho, Moe.
12> Send her to Capitol Hill, Bill.
11> Gorge yourself on baked beans, Dean.
10> Make too many bad rhymes, Tom.
9> Catch and release, Denise.
8> Put on her teddy, Eddy.
7> Throw a toaster in the tub, Bub.
6> Find another Cruz, Cruise.
5> Tell her Ashcroft won't let you leave, Steve.
4> Bag 'em and tag 'em, Adam.
3> Stop taking your Paxil, Axl.
2> Shoot her in the head and hope you get an OJ Simpson-like
break, Mr. Blake.
1> Call her "Mom" during sex, Rex.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Card Chips
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OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.
OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.
OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone
to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.
OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.
OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that
we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the heck was I thinking!
OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-
respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damned ugly.
OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit
it.
OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for
me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your
promise.
OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.
OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.
OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they
arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's
family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents
were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the
baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny
before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby
was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior
and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank
your butt when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears
at all," said Little Johnny. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny
leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's
mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother,who
had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised
and said,"Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little
feet.
Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can
see good?" The mother, a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why,
yes...
his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he'd be fu***ed
up if he needed to wear glasses!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Judge Chips
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A judge of some thirty years passed away unexpectedly. Upon his
passing he as greeted by an angel who explained he was there to
guide the judge to heaven. The angel introduced himself and added,
"and I must say it is truely an honor to meet you." As they slowly
headed closer to the pearly gates the judge suddenly stopped dead in
his tracks and in no uncertain terms said, "Listen, I don't care how
rare it is for someone of my stature to make it up here, but if
there are any attorneys in there, I'm not going in. I'm tired of
them all. I'd rather suffer an eternity in hell than argue with
another minute with an attorney."
Arriving at the pearly gates, and with much eyebrow
raising by the heavenly host, the judge was determined to be worthy
to enter heaven. "One moment, St. Peter," said the judge as the
gates to heaven swung open for him, "just one thing, I'm tired of
being around attorneys. I've been around them all of my life. Are
there any inside? Because if there are, the deal's off and you can
just send me to hell right now!" "Certainly not!" cried St. Peter,
"You're quite safe. There are no attorneys in here." Feeling
reassured, the judge pressed on and through the pearly gates into
heaven. The judge found heaven very enjoyable until one day when all
of a sudden a very elderly gentleman with a long white beard,
wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase in one hand and a handful of
papers in the other pushed past him mumbling something about be late
for court. Enraged, the judge stormed back to St. Peter. "Hey! St.
Peter!" cried the judge, "You said there were no attorneys here."
"There aren't," stammered St. Peter. "I bed to differ," the angered
judge promptly retorted, then pointing to the elderly man, "What
does that elderly guy over there look like to you?" demanded the
judge. "Oh my," St. Peter said laughingly, "That's not an attorney!
-- That's God. He just thinks he's an attorney!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new school year started and the grade school teacher wanted some
students to tell a brief story about summer vacation. Several
students eagerly raised their hands including Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Alice to tell a story. "We took a trip to the
Grand Canyon during vacation" Alice said. "We rode donkeys down a
steep trail to the bottom of the canyon, it was fun."
The teacher asked for another volunteer and several students eagerly
raised their hands including Little Johnny. She was afraid to call
on Little Johnny because he swore a lot last year.
The teacher chose Fred to tell a story. "My Dad and I went on a
fishing trip way out in the country. We stopped at a small pond; I
cast my lure into the pond and caught the biggest trout we'd ever
seen! We started a campfire and cooked the trout, it was great!"
Fred reported.
"That nice Fred, now how about another volunteer". Several students
were waving their hands. The teacher felt sorry for Little Johnny
and decided to give him another chance.
"My Dad and I went on a deer hunting trip. We saw a huge 18 point
buck in the field, my Dad aimed and shot it right in the asshole"
Little Johnny said.
The teacher was angry, "Johnny you mean rectum." she said.
"Wrecked'im? You bet it wrecked'im, shot his balls clean off."
answered Little Johnny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Happy Fathers Day (5)
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_D/FathersDay/9FDay.html
Melva/Happy Fathers Day (6)
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_D/FathersDay/3FDay.html
Melva/My Dad
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/HDy/Dad.html
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html
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Surfin Surfari
Astronomy Without a Telescope Via Dianne
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[dad] Hero
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[dad] Most Valuable
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Southbreeze w/ Daddy's Girl
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
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Father's Day
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Southbreeze w/ Happy Father's Day
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Doggie Zone
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Movie Links
The Chronicles Of The Oba Messiah
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Then God Made Woman
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The Potato Heads
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Grimper Rocher
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Off Chips
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I took a drive to Walmart the other night to pick up some stuff for
our trip this weekend. Since I was already going my sister asked if
I could pick up a bottle of bug spray for her while I was there.
After going through and getting everything on my shopping list I was
walking around looking for the bug spray.
When an employee saw me wandering around aimlessly he came up to me
and asked if I needed any help.
"I'm looking to get OFF. I have money."
Needless to say I'm not allowed in that store anymore.
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs.
____________________________________
In the kitchen he wanted to boff her.
Satisfaction he tried to proffer.
She replied, "I am sold,
But the floor is too cold."
So he made her a counter-offer.
____________________________________
It seemed all was well for old Bill
For the night was romantic and still.
She was warm, she was waiting,
And was ripe for the mating
But alas -- she was not on the pill!
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my
six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she
asked.
"It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I
added, "It's for holding up stockings."
"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use
it next Christmas Eve."
A cop pulls over a man for speeding. Thinking quickly, the man says
to the officer,
"It's an emergency - my mother's in the back seat. She took an
overdose of reducing pills."
Checking the back seat, the oficer shook his head.
"But I don't see anyone back there, sir."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1820
The Wind Bloweth Where is Goes
BJ: You say Katie and Tami both have the same drink?
Rudy shuffling his feet: Err yes.
BJ: It is not your fault Rudy. Val mixed the drinks and she cannot
read yet.
Rudy: But Val and I are in charge of the drinks and nutrition bars.
BJ: Let me see where they are running now. So far they have not
drank anything. Opps Katie is drinking. It looks like she really
likes her
drink.
Meanwhile on the course...
Katie: Tami, you need to drink some of your fluids...it's really
quite
refleshing, err refreshing.
Tami: Sure.
Sandi in the announcer booth: Tami has moved up to twenty-first in
the
field and moving up fast. She is doing quite well. What is this...
Katie
is running backwards beside her...
To be continued
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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