THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Problems are to the mind what
exercise is to the muscles.
~N.V. Peale
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
The Dallas Solution....
I have a friend who is president of his homeowners association
in the Dallas, Texas suburbs. They were having a terrible
problem with litter near some of his association's homes.
The reason, according to my friend, is that six very large,
luxurious new houses are being built right next to their community.
The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the
construction sites and included bags from McDonald's, Burger
King, and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts,
coke cans, empty bottles, etc. He went to see the site
supervisor and even the general contractor, politely urging
them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood,
but to no avail. He called the city, county, and police
and got no help there either.
So here's what his community did. They organized about
twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood
Services" group, and arranged to go out at lunch time and
"police" the trash themselves. It is what they did while
picking up the trash that is so hilarious.
They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials
"INS" embroidered in gold on the caps.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they
hoped people might mistakenly think the letters
really stand for. After the Inner Neighborhood Services
group's first lunch time pickup detail, with all of them
wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of
the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for
work the next morning -- and haven't come back yet.
It has been ten days now.
The General Contractor, I'm told, is raging mad, but
can't say anything publicly because he could be busted
for hiring illegal aliens. My friend and his bunch can't
be accused of impersonating federal personnel, because
they have the official name of the group recorded in their
homeowner association minutes along with a notation about
the vote to approve formation of the new subcommittee -
and besides, they informed the INS in advance of their
plans, and according to my friend, the INS said basically,
"Have at it!"
SO, FOLKS, I THINK YOU COULD SAY
THAT TEXAS INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
And they say there are no new business ideas?
Lady Selling Lemonade on the Beach
(reportedly clearing $250.00 per day)...
so who says making money is tough?
The jobs are out there!!
__________
THE COMICS
we are the champions
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c060.html
diplomacy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c061.html
nice rack
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c062.html
the toilet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c063.html
overdose
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c064.html
back in the 60s
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c065.html
some days
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c066.html
the leash
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c067.html
use the right bait
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c068.html
bird poop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c069.html
__________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
garbage truck
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9750.html
every one is a football coach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9751.html
football
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9752.html
elephant surfing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9753.html
babysitter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9754.html
glock home protection
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9755.html
the hostage taker
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9756.html
THE FOURTH VERSE OF THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9757.html
____________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
Time
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd152.html
gone forever
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd153.html
canals at Glasgow
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd154.html
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?
- The Italian: throws the cup, breaks it, and walks
away in a fit of rage.
- The German: carefully washes the cup, sterilizes
it and makes a new cup of
coffee.
- The Frenchman: takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
- The Chinese: eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
- The Russian: Drinks the coffee with the fly,
since it was extra with no
charge.
-The Israeli: sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the
fly to the Chinese,makes a cup of tea for himself and
uses the extra money to invent a device
that prevents flies from falling into cups.
-The Palestinian: blames the Israeli for the fly
falling in his coffee,protests the act of aggression to
the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a
new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and
then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the
Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are
all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give
away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.
________________
Country bumpkins Dad and Dave went to the Royal Easter
Show in Sydney and were very interested in the new
tractors and power take-offs that were on display.
One salesman demonstrated his machine and then offered them
a deal.'You can have this attachment for $10 000, and I'll
take off 10 per cent for cash just for you.' They went
away to discuss the deal.'What the hell's he mean by take
orf 10 per cent cash?' asked Dad. 'How much would he take orf?'
'Gees, I dunno, Dad,' replied Dave.'Listen Dave, you're in
pretty thick with that barmaid at the pub where we're
stayin' and she looks like a pretty smart sort of girl.
How about you ask her?'So Dave approached the barmaid.
'Tell me, Dulcie, love, if I gave you $10,000 less 10 per
cent, how much would you take orf?''Jesus, Dave!' she
exclaimed, grinning wickedly at him. 'If you gave me $10,000
less 10 per cent, I'd take off everything bar me
bloody garters and you could use them for stirrups to ride me!
_______________
OLD people have problems that you haven't
even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my
right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing.'Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then with her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with
the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
____________
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted
island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship"
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the
possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a
black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask
and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead
gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman
and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since
you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof
pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out
a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
"Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, Ahh "that is so
good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of
good Ashmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right
sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask
and handed it to him.He opened the flask and took a
long drink. "Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "
'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip
the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle.
She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long
has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got
golf clubs in there too!
_____________
the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed
trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They tried giving her warm milk to drink
but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass
back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey
that had been received as a gift
the previous Christmas,
she opened it and poured a generous amount
into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed,
they held the glass to her lips.
The frail nun drank a little,
then a little more and before they knew it,
she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.
As her eyes brightened,
the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity
to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly,
"Please give us some of your wisdom
before you leave us."
She raised herself up in bed on one elbow,
looked at them and said:
"Don't sell that cow."
___________
While leading a tour of kindergarten students through
our hospital, I overheard a conversation between one
little girl and an x-ray technician.
"Have you ever broken a bone?" he asked.
"Yes," the girl replied.
"Did it hurt?"
"No."
"Really? Which bone did you break?"
"My sister's arm."
FUN PAGES
Cubis Gold 2
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41697&s=n
Ms Pac-Man Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41546&s=n
Anna Kournikova Calendar Shoot
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=20492&s=n
_____________
BUFFALO BILL
Parking 1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsd.htm
Parking 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asddsas.htm
Parking3
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfgds.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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