Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives.
The downtown district adjacent the Locks is a tourist haven full
of fudge shops and souvenir stands. Even though there is a
visitor center and tours, the clerks at the nearby shops sometimes
get to answer tourist's questions, like this incident from
http://notalwaysright.com/ .
(Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In
the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet
high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.)
Customer: "What's that fountain for in the park?"
Me: "What?"
Customer: "That fountain, right next to the locks. What's that for?"
Me: "The fountain in the park?"
Customer: "Yeah. What's that for? It's part of the locks, right?"
Me: "No, it's just a fountain."
Customer: "But what does it DO?"
Me: "It sprays water up and looks pretty?"
Customer: "Yeah, but what does it DO? It's part of the locks right?"
Me: "Uh. no. It's just a fountain. It's there for decoration."
Customer: "But what does it DO?"
Me: *sarcastically* "It. drains the locks."
Customer: "OH! That's so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the
fountain?"
Me:". No. It's a fountain."
Customer: "Oh. Well, you should."
(She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my
coworker.)
Me: "Did that just happen?"
Coworker: "We have to remember that one."
(And that's what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains
the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it
filters the Great Lakes.)
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Golf Chips
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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to
consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband,
"I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband
replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife
continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the
guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's
rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done,
the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you
doing?"
asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call
room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah?
What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second
time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a
second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what
are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I
was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger
wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd comeback to bed and do it
again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one
more time. When they finish, he's tired and beat. He drags himself
over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you
calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out
what's par for this damn hole!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Fridge Magnets
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Friends
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Friendship
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Fastest Firefly
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Thirsty Eyes
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Crazy Tyre
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Joe Chips
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A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex
and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.
One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don't understand it.
That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn't
have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap
of his fingers."
"What the hell does he got that I haven't got?"
And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile
looks at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you
go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your
penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?"
And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah. Of
course I do."
"But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?"
The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over
there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks
It!"
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Drink Chips
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This guy went into a bar, sat down on a stool, and ordered a Bloody
Mary. The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't have that, but we've got
the next best thing."
The guy asked, "Okay, what is it," and the bartender said, "We've
got a Harry Man." The guy said, "No thanks."
Then the guy asked, "How about a virgin?" and the bartender replied,
"Sorry, we don't have that either.
But we got the next best thing."
The guy asked, irritated, "Okay, what is it?" The bartender replied,
"We got a Furry Belly."
The guy looked around and saw everyone drinking and said, "All
right, fine, I'll have one."
So the guy had about five, and when he was finished the bartender
walked over to him and told him how much he had to pay. He reaches
deep down inside his pocket and pulls out a couple handfuls of food
stamps.
The bartender looked at the food stamps and said, "Hey, this isn't
money!"
And the guy says, "I know, but it's the next best thing."
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Urinal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darrell was standing at a urinal in a bar bathroom when this
enormous guys walks in, unzips his pants and exposes the biggest
dick in the world -- four feet long, five inches thick and violently
red and angry.
The monster looks at Darrell, grabs his huge dick with both hands,
like holding a baseball bat, and gives it an almighty swing,
smashing the porcelain sink to pieces!
He growls and leers at the now frightened Darrell, looks around and
with another almighty swing, smashes the condom vending machine
right off the wall!
After another hideous growl he slams his huge dick against the side
of the urinal several times, bending the stainless steel into
contorted shapes!
All of a sudden he stops, looks Darrell straight in the eye and
shouts, "The next place this porcelain smashing, vender bending,
urinal destroyer is going... is up your ass buddy!"
With that, Darrell lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Thank God
for that, I thought you were going to HIT me with it."
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Shit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Physicist (Experimental): To within experimental error, shit DID
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Engineer: I hope this shit holds together.
Chemist: I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
Biologist: Is this shit alive?
Economist: I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand
this
shit.
Beurocrat: I'm sorry, but we make this shit happen until you fill
out
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CEO: (1980's) I've got all the shit I want. (1990's) Oh, SHIT!
Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Surgeon: Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
Psychologist: Shit is in your mind. Everything that happens is shit;
some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.
Programmer: It's shit, but at least it compiles.
Social Scientist: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
Politician: It's shit, but it'll get me elected. If you elect me,
shit
will never again happen. Shit happening is bad for the economy.
Waitress: You want fries with that shit?
Musician: This shit is out of tune.
Dean: Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
Accountant: Why doesn't this shit add up?
Linguist: What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri.
Quality Control Inspector: This shit ain't good enough.
IRS Auditor: I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax
forms.
Farmer: I get subsidies for my shit.
Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.
Mafia boss: Rub the little shits out.
NYC Cab Driver: Damn, looks like I hit that shit...
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Loneliness
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/Lon.html
Invisible Child
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/invisiblechild.html
In My Life
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Surfin Surfari
Thank You Vets Song
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Iceland's Volcano!
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Uncle Jay Explains Via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Latest I-Phone
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Printables
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Universal Extractor
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Doggie Zone
Kitty Korner
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Speed Isn't Everything
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Sponsor an Executive
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Spring Board Break
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Men Invented Everything
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Short Chips
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Years ago in a private girls school rules were very strict. One of
the many things that was not allowed was the wearing of wigs,
(because wearing hair that was not their own was not allowed), so
the girl would hide the artificial hair in their dresser drawers.
Somehow, word got to the headmaster who immediately called all the
girls in to find the guilty ones. He told them, all you girls with
hair in your drawers raise your hands. From the back of the room
there was a response from a little freshman girl. She replied, "does
fuzz count?"
Three guys made a competition to see who would make a girl scream
louder in bed. The first one went in, meanwhile the other two stayed
out and listened to the girl moan for a bit. The second one went in
and the girl screamed a little bit harder. When the third one went
in, the girl SCREAMED! and SCREAMED! About an hour later the girl
came out moaning. The first guy asked "Wow, how did you do that?"
The guy, all tired and wet replied "I simply used my head".
Stan Kegel
It was in this month in 1927, that Henry Ford unveiled
his successor to his Model T, which he called the Model A.
Ford was a marketing genius; he knew the secret to
selling this to American men: T & A.
Randy
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Toon Chips
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catch of the day
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caught2
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cause of a blackout
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cave man
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young woman named Susan
Who found it completely amusin'
To make love to three men
Although who did what when
Was frequently rather confusin'.
________________________________
Thanks to sex, a young woman named Carol
Looked delightful in model's apparel.
The slimming effect
Was best, I suspect,
When her man had her over a barrel.
________________________________
Any yard work, to me, is not play.
To my wife words of praise I did say:
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Parting Chips
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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and
said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa
went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me
feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my
boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She
started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix
the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello
son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend.'
Stan Kegel
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1808
The Book of Val
Val: Book what book?
Oh I guess, food, give me food.
Play, I want to play a lot and often and hard.
I like to sleep with mom or dad.
I like to sleep with mom and dad (human)
I like to run with Katie
I like to wrestle with dad (rudy)
I like to chase cats....yes indeed that is a favorite.
Hmm let's see. I don't like it when Sandi tells me no.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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