Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
During the middle watch at sea a young radar plotter arrived in the
engine room sent by the ops room supervisor. He asked me (Chief of
the Watch) for a "long stand". After about 20 minutes of repeatedly
asking, I finally told him, "If you've come here for a long stand,
you can go back to the ops room, you've been standing here long
enough. fair winds and a following sea to you Buff.Don
I used to enjoy visitors to the engineering spaces, it's like a trip
into the bowels of Hell. Your average black shoe is used to seeing
daylight and warm breezes when they are working and standing their
watch. They walk past the grey Ellison self-closing doors day after
day and
never think about what goes on below decks until they get sent down
there on a task or for extra duty. We always ran more exhaust
blowers down there than supply blowers so it put the space under a
small vacuum to help pull the hot air out and when you tried to open
the door to the access trunk it was like someone holding on to it
from the
other side. It felt like you were being sucked into the ship and the
door would slam shut behind you. That dull whine that you heard or
felt all over the ship, the sound of steam turbines was already up
around 90 decibels and a box of disposable ear plugs was hanging on
the wall which was good for a short trip but prolonged stay or the
noisier areas required a set of Mickey Mouse ears same as if you
were working on the flight deck.
As you went down past the first watertight hatch you noticed the
line printed on the wall that was the waterline, so from here on you
were underwater. You went down two more levels and you were at the
hatch going down into the engineering space and you are on sensory
overkill. It is hot, like the Mojave Desert hot, and just about
everything that doesn't have a thick insulating
pad on it is hot enough to fry an egg and much of it will light a
cigarette and just brushing up against something can peel
a layer of skin off of you. There are miles of piping down there all
stenciled with contents and arrows and warnings and of course where
steam and water is involved leaks. You never know whether the drip
you are walking under is steaming hot or
chilled water cold. Because of all of the piping and machinery, it
is hard to light the whole space and you have areas that are dark,
hot, and dirty.
It is enough that most visitors don't come back but you see a few
that actually request a transfer to what is called the pit or the
hole, and some do become good snipes because after all it is only a
job and although it may look like hell, it only lasts for thirty
years
max whereas hell is forever.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Dumb Chips
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He was so dumb he broke into a church and stole ten thousand
dollars.... in pledges.
He was so dumb he couldn't count his dick twice and get the same
number.
If dumbass were a commodity, he would have the market cornered.
He was so dumb, his family tree was a shrub.
He was so dumb he thought a foul ball is what the players scratch
when they're sitting in the dugout.
He was so dumb that he scotch-taped chickens to his body
before going outside, because he'd heard that you stay warmer if
you're dressed in layers.
I don't want to say that he's a "dim bulb," but you know how Thomas
Edison had to make hundreds of failed bulbs before he made one that
worked? He is NOT the one that worked.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Garage
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Diet Chips
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JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10
lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before
him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but
a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She
introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a
second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing
and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the
next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he
weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as
promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The
next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She
is wearing nothing butReebok running shoes and a sign around her
neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in
excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the
next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting
in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day
when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20
lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company
to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. This is our
most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt
this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and
when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing
nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that
reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.' He lost 63 pounds that week.
Randy
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Mountain Chips
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Newlywed Chips
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A fellow on his wedding night in the hotel says to his new wife. "My
God! I never realized you had such huge droopy breasts." The wife
has a major dummy spit and throws him out of the room. While he is
sitting in the hall another fellow comes out down the hall. "What
happened?" asks the first man.
"Well" replies the other "I first saw my new wife naked tonight, and
all I said was "Hells bells! I didn't realize you had such a big
fat droopy arse..." Then she threw me out.
Just then a third fellow comes storming out into the hall with a
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foot in it as well?"
"No" says the third fellow, "But, shit! I bloody well could have!"
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Shotgun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Seth goes to the doctor to see about erection problems. "I'll
be ridin' the tractor on the south 20," Seth said, "and the warm sun
and the tractor vibratin' gets it up! But by the time I can get
back to the house and maw gets ready, it's down--and I can't get it
back up. Can you give me somethin' to help keep it up?"
The doc says no, he can't. Age carries its price. But--perhaps
some signal could be arranged and maw would be prepared as paw
arrived at the house? Maybe maw could even meet him halfway?
"A great idea!" says Seth. "There's a little grove about halfway to
the house from where I'm plowin'. Me and maw used to have sex there
when we were younger! It'd be a great spot. I'll carry my shotgun
and when it's all up and hard, I'll fire it and she'll get there
same time as I do. Thanks doc!"
Time passes. The doctor meets Seth at the bank one morning and asks
how he's doing. Seth says he's okay. The doc asks how Seth's wife
is, and Seth says, "Poor maw, she's dead!"
"Sorry to hear that," says the doc. "How did she die?"
"Just run herself to death durin' the quail season," said Seth
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LynnLynn's Links
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Rooster Chips
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A farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a
rooster that he would sell..
The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named
Ralph. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."
Well, Ralph the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer
decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Ralph.
The farmer takes Ralph home and sets him down in the barnyard, but
first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself
now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a
lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take
your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Ralph seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house
and Ralph takes off like a shot. WHAM! Ralph nails every hen in the
hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure
enough, Ralph is in there. Later, the farmer sees Ralph after a
flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the
geese. By sunset he sees Ralph out in the fields chasing quail and
pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster
won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and
wakes up the next morning to find Ralph on his back out in the
middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet
sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive
animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Ralph, I told you to pace
yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done
to yourself."
Ralph opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky
and says, "Shhhh! They're getting closer."
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Toon Chips
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ceremony
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Limerick Chips
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Young Alice is known for her poise
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
But then when she has 'em
At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.
One day as I fished on the sea
A mermaid came visiting me
Though just right on top
T'other end was a flop
With no parts to show she was a she.
~~~~~~
There was a young lady named May,
Took a stroll in the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who screwed her and ran.
Now she goes to the park everyday.
~~~~~~
A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
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Parting Chips
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News is being reported from the Gulf that BP has stopped the oil
leak. In a last ditch effort, BP was able to place a gold band
around the pipe. Thinking it was a wedding ring, the pipe
immediately stopped putting out.
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1814
Training Phase Two
Tami: Katie, what must I do to get better?
Katie: It is more than about running. You must get stronger. You
also must seek your inner doggie.
Tami: My inner what?
Katie: Your inner dog. You must learn to run with the wind in your
heart as I do. You see me run and I barely touch the ground.
Tami: Yes, I know.
Katie: Today you must learn to meditate and focus upon running
inside of yourself.
Tami starts to focus and soon she is running through the meadow and
along the brook (in her head). A rabbit jumps up and she starts to
chase it and soon the chase is on. She runs fast, faster and after
a
while she feels herself running above the ground.
A car honks!
Tami: What?
Tami is running along the road going very fast, faster than she has
every run before.
Tami: Wow this really works.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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