Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
To all of you born during the month of June a Happy Birthday and
let's take a look at who you share your day with.
1. Marilyn Monroe, Paul Coffey, Alanis Morissette, Ronnie Wood
2. Johnny Weissmuller, Marvin Hamlisch, Charlie Watts
3. Tony Curtis, Josephine Baker
4. Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Noah Wylie
5. Marky Mark, Bill Moyers
6. Bjorn Borg, Gary US Bonds
7. Prince, Liam Neeson, Randy Penner
8. Barbara Bush, Joan Rivers
9. Michael J. Fox, Jackie Mason, Dick Vitale
10. Elizabeth Hurley, F. Lee Bailey, Tara Lipinski
11. Joe Montana, Gene Wilder, Tom King
12. George Bush, Anne Frank
13. Tim Allen, Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen
14. Boy George, Kathleen Timko, Bob Casper
15. Courteney Cox, Helen Hunt, Wade Boggs
16. Roberto Duran, Stan Laurel, Gaylan Berry
17. Barry Manilow, Dean Martin, Newt Gingrich
18. Paul McCartney, Isabella Rosellini
19. Paula Abdul, Junebug, Joanne DeLisle, Ferne Kilgore
20. Danny Aiello, Cyndi Lauper, John Goodman, Sammy Rossow
21. Nicole Kidman, Jean-Paul Sarte, Keith Hayman
22. Bill Blass, Meryl Streep
23. Bob Fosse, Bert Convy
24. Jeff Beck, Jack Dempsey, Chris Gilmour
25. Carly Simon, George Orwell
26. Derek Jeter, Greg LeMond, David Jackson
27. Bob Keeshan, Ross Perot
28. John Elway, Mel Brooks
29. Gary Busey, Fred Grandy
30. Mike Tyson, Lena Horne
It rained last night and it smells so clean and fresh outside
and only 67 degrees. It is also quiet with Eva and Buffy
at home and only one TV playing and it feels so comfortable
I feel like going back to bed heh heh.
I hope everybody made it through the weekend safely. We
have had three motorcycle accidents recently and our
city engineer and his daughter were killed in one last weekend.
Bikes have every right to be there too and even though they are
out a little earlier this year because of the warm weather
we need to open our eyes and be careful.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Menopause Chips
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Serious Signs Of Menopause
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove,
he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than
simply
saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
Your husband cheerfully chirps, "Hi, honey. I'm home!"
You reply dryly: "Well, if it isn't Ozzie fucking Nelson."
The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the entire
Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
You have to change your underwear after every sneeze and laugh.
You're on so much estrogen that you take your daughter's Brownie
troop
on a field trip to Chippendales.
You suspect that most of your blouses have missing buttonholes.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Resignation Letter"
ANYBODY LOOKING TO RESIGN CAN USE THIS LETTER:
Dear Sir, This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked
up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company
where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills.
I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that
await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.
My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last
night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I
requested and received last week.
Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left
undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never
completed.
Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they
will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.
Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on
the street, unless you want your ass kicked.
My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding.
I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She
screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you
screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She
enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you
are not only a fucker but a poor fucker. Anyway, I appreciate
having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a
better future.
I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass
motherfuckers.
Yours sincerely,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these two horses standing at the bar. One said to the
other "how ya doin?"...other replied, "not so good...the other day I
was in a race and there were so many GREAT horses and jockeys I
figured 'screw it,' I ain't runnin' this race and all of a sudden
this big fucken tapeworm starts squirming up in my arsehole, so I
bolted off and I won by a head."
The other horse said, "no kiddin' yesterday I was in a race and the
same thing...I figured 'screw it,' I ain't runnin' and half way
around the track...WHOOSH! My hemorrhoid burst. Pus and shit
everywhere.......fuck it hurt....I ran like a bastard to try and
itch the fucker, and guess what? I won!"
This greyhound walks up to the two horses and says, "'scuse me but I
couldn't help but overhear you guys.
Just today I was in a race and there were so many great dogs I
figured 'screw it' I ain't runnin' in this race. All of a sudden
this little cunt of a wasp stung my balls. I yelped and jumped like
a motherfucker, and I won by a length!!
One horse looked at the other and said, "WELL FUCK ME, A TALKIN'
DOG!!!"
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why don't Mr. and Mrs. Smokey Bear have any children?
A. Because every time she gets hot, he hits her over the head with
a
shovel and throws dirt on her.
Q. Did you hear about the three gay men who attacked a woman? A. Two
held her down while the third did her hair.
Q. What's the difference between a tampon and a cowboy hat?
A. Cowboy hats are for assholes.
Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? A.
He
decided to stick it out for one more year.
Q. Why are beer cans so easy to open?
A. Look who's drinking them.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to Heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The reason I like dating Lori," the office snob remarked primly,
"is that she's on the up and up."
"And the reason, I like dating Laura" his coworker replied, "is that
she's into the up and down, the in and out, the back and forth ...
you name it!"
~~~~~~
The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The
Boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know
we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to
conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you
you could come and go as you please around here ?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
"My lawyer."
~~~~~~
Things weren't going too well for the husband business-wise and he
got his wife an imitation tennis bracelet, instead of the real one
she wanted for their anniversary. "I hope you understand
sweetheart, but you can pretend it's real."
"Fine!" she said pouting, "And tonight in bed, you can pretend I'm
there under you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Rocking Chair
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/G_R.html
Carol w/Because of You
http://www.carolspoetry.com/because.html
Across The Miles
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Friendly Fire
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Daily With Our Troops 1
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Surfin Surfari
Day Light Map
http://www.daylightmap.com/
Magic Eye
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Water Bombers Via Wesley
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Free Plans: How To Make a Hammock
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Ten Life Tips:
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Gizmodo, The Gadget blog
http://www.gizmodo.com/
graphix link Index...
http://members.tripod.com/~angel_pie/graphiclinks.html
Online Image to Icon Converter
http://ico.bradleygill.com/advanced.php
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Nipple Bitten Off
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfas.htm
Camel Toe Video
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Hand Up
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Mini Gun Highlights
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Good Husband
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Gunfighter
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Guterbike
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Love
http://www.buffaloschips.com/3r44.htm
Hair Piece
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhg7.htm
Hang Onto That Pole
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mjh.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marketing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several friends have asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps
the following examples will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm
fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's
fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic
in bed." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten
your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May
I?"
and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and
says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going
home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto
the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Spam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cans
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captain1
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car quiz
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car wash
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a villian most feared,
Who tied a lass to a train track then leered,
But he tied her up wrong-ways,
Not cross-ways but long-ways,
And a forty car train disappeared!
There once was a girl from Vancouver
Whose mouth had the strength of a Hoover;
When she turned it on high,
A week would pass by,
Before anyone could remove her.
There once was a lady named McBagg
And to all the ladies she did brag
"My breasts are sizeable,
And easily recognizeable
I rarely have to wear a name tag."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a young man who was so enthralled with bananas that
he decided to go down to the tropics and start up a plantation of
his own. He saved up his money and within a few years, found himself
in a jungle city making deals to purchase the land required to start
a plantation. This however, was very easy, and once he found the
appropriate plot of land, he set out to find banana seeds.
This was where he ran into trouble. Everyone had bananas, but no one
had banana seeds. In fact no one knew from where to get banana
seeds, and this frustrated him greatly. Finally one old man took
pity on his plight and suggested that he would tell him how to get
banana seeds.
"To grow bananas from seed, you must first have the right banana.
Fortunately I have such bananas for sale, and I will sell you some.
But getting the seeds out is hard work. You see, you have to cut off
the end of the seed banana, like this, and then you have to suck on
the open end. You have to suck and suck, and not give up until you
get a seed. After the first seed, the rest of the seeds come out
easier," explained the old man.
The young man thought this very peculiar, but he bought the bananas
and took them home. He cut off the end of one banana, and started to
suck. He sucked all the banana insides out, but no banana seed came
out. Thinking perhaps he had a dud banana, he picked out another and
repeated the procedure. Finally, he gave up and decided to come back
to the guy who sold him the "special" bananas and complain.
"So you sucked until there was no more banana left in the skin, you
say? But did you keep on sucking on the banana after that? You have
to continue to suck the banana until it is well past empty. Then the
seeds will come out. Go home and try it again," said the old man.
He returned home and cut open yet another banana again, and began to
suck on the banana again. He sucked until the banana was completely
sucked empty, and his lips turned blue. He was sure he was being
ripped off by the old man, and he went back to him the next day.
"Those bananas were good seed bananas, but if you don't believe me,
I will give you this bunch of seed bananas for free. But I tell you
there is no other way to get banana seeds than to suck on an empty
banana. If you do not get any seeds from this bunch or the last
bunch, you may come back here, and I will give you all your money
back. But I am sure you will have all the seeds you want if you
really put yourself into extracting the seeds," the old man
recommended.
Well, the young man decided he would put his best effort into these
new bananas, that one way or another, he would suck the seeds out of
them. He concentrated his efforts on one of the new bananas,
emptying it of the fruit. When he was sucking on just the skin, he
kept at it, and finally after a couple hours, he felt something in
his mouth. It has small, hard; it was a seed! He sucked some more
and soon he had a handful of seeds from just one banana. He then
followed up on all the other bananas of both bunches, and by the
next day, he was ready to plant.
The moral of this story is: If at first you don't suck seeds, try
and try again.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1804
Passports
Rudy shuffles up to dad..
Rudy: Pops, I have a question for ya.
BJ: Okay, what is it?
Rudy: I bought this passport from Katie for Kansas. I paid her
some
good money for the photo and all. It just doesn't seem right but
she
said immigration would require it so I thought I would ask you.
BJ: Who else has bought passports?
Rudy: The cats, and Val, Sandi have not.
BJ: Well you have been hoodwinked. Kansas is just like Oklahoma
they
are part of the United States, part of the same country. You do not
need a passport.
Rudy: So does that mean the six cd set of "How to Speak Kansan" I
bought from Katie is not needed either?
BJ: Right, they speak the same language. Do you have a money back
warranty?
Rudy: Let me read it... Money back is guarenteed as long as you
have
not complained.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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