Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Sunday morning brunch. Sandy and I collaborated on French
Toast made from croissants and stuffed with cream cheese
and strawberry preserves. Neither diabetic or diet cuisine
but sometimes you have to bend a rule or two.
I am going to take a break from my story today and let Senior
Chief Knight tell you what life was like working above deck.
I like your stories about your time spent down in the dark recesses
of the carrier. My first 3 years were spent on a Destroyer
Minesweeper (USS Jeffers) I was a Radioman 3rd class, and we had 6
guys in the radio gang; so when we left port we had 3 guys on watch
at a time; so made it pretty easy making up a watch list. One of
the men on each watch was a striker; so had not learned Morse code
yet; so it left it up to the other two of us to copy what was called
the Broadcast. It was a broadcast that sent the messages for the
ships in the Atlantic Fleet, your copied everything and pulled off
what concerned you. This broadcast ran at 18 wpm. So being on 4/4
the fact was you had to copy the broadcast for 2 hours each watch,
the other 2 hours you spent listening to the ship/shore circuit and
also the international distress frequency; and we would go out for 2
to 4 weeks at a time; so as you mentioned sleep was a greatly needed
thing. It was so good for like Engineering when we came into port
we could shut down the radio shack and transfer all communications
to the base at Charleston. And then the Captain would give us about
5 days that we could sleep all day if we wanted too, thankfully he
was an old communications officer.
We had a lot of tales that could be told about my 3 years on the
Jeffers, would be nice to sit and b/s with you about all of the good
times (looking back) but not at the time.
So enjoy your stuff and keep it up. By the way I have had type
Diabetes since 1997; so know what you are going through. I manage
to hold everything together with two shots of insulin a day. but no
other meds thank heaven.
So keep up the good work.
Lloyd Knight RMCS USNR
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
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Outhouse Chips
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Maw is outside hangin up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the
kitchen.
Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there
outhouse."
Paw says, "All right, Maw." Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at
it, and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here
outhouse!"
Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole."
Paw says "I ain't puttin my head in that there hole!"
Maw says, "Well you're gonna have to if'n you're gonna fix the
problem!"
Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and
he hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here
outhouse!"
Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."
Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my
beard's stuck in the cracks in the seat!"
Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"
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Short Chips
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One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used
to work when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and
sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her
husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a
while.
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned
over to John. "Don't look now," I whispered, "but a guy about
six-five just walked in. And he's got a gun."
Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss
me on the lips."
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the
checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, Your husband is
suffering from severe, long-term stress and it's affecting his
cardiovascular system. He's a good candidate for either a heart
attack or a stroke. If you don't do the following four things, your
husband will surely die. First, each morning, fix him a healthy
breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. Second, at lunch
time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame
of mind before he goes back to work. Third, for dinner, fix an
especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
Fourth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving
stress, have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every
whim in bed. On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his
wife and asked So, I saw the doctor talking to you and he sure
seemed serious. What did he tell you?
You're going to die, she replied
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Short Chips
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The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an
older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a
couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub
your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest
suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I
understand. How did you feel about that?'" The new priest says
those things. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a
little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What
happened next?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to
be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They
all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning
to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the
broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other
choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty
little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before
she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!!!"
The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her
face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain
again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!!!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, 'yes!' A few minutes later
the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even
think about it.
She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
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Bronco Chips
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Bill and Doug went to the fair. They came across a small crowd
gathered around a stall and went over to take a look.
"What's going on?" Bill asked one of the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,"
he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has
managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a
prize of $1000 for anybody who can.
"I can do that," Bill said confidently. "You can't," said Doug.
"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that thing".
"Watch this," said Bill and he climbed aboard the bronco machine.
The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around
in circles but still a grim-faced Bill clung to its back. After two
minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until
Bill was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Bill was still
on
the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small
crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Doug.
"Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that?"
Doug
asked.
"Remember three months ago," Bill said. "When your wife had whooping
cough...?"
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Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques
10. Really grippy pliers.
9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and
some tan spray paint.
8. Insert bicycle tire pump to the business end and inflate to 35
psi.
7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring
at your computer monitor. Hasn't worked yet, but I'm sticking
with it anyway.
6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep in
a
warm location.
5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use.
4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has
swollen
to desired size.
3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt.
2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's
leash before taking him for his walk.
1. Daily workouts with your "Wienercize!" videotape.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/New Song by 'Hag'
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Burglar Chips
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A man woke up the one morning feeling horny, and asked his wife
for a fuck, but she said she wasn't in the mood.
So he got up, got dressed, and went downstairs and cooked breakfast
for
them both.
He ate his, and then took hers up to the bedroom so she could have
breakfast in bed.
He was still feeling horny, and so, after she'd finished her
breakfast,
he asked again for a fuck.
She said she was still not in the mood.
So he decided to go out to the newsagent and buy that day's
newspaper.
When he got back he found her still in bed, but naked with her arms
and legs
tied up to the bedpost.
So, thinking that she'd changed her mind, and fancied some bondage
fun,
he got undressed again, and proceeded to climb into bed for some
action.
She asked him what did he think he was doing, and he told her that
as
she was tied up, he thought she'd changed her mind.
She said "You stupid bastard! - While you were out two guys broke in
the house!"
He replied, "Oh no, did they get anything?'
"Did they get anything, hell yes, asshole, they got something. Why
do you think I am naked with a pussy full of cum?"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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Young Alice is known for her poise
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
But then when she has 'em
At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.
There was a young Scot in Madrid
Who got fifty-five lays for a quid.
When they said, "Are you faint?"
He replied, "No, I ain't,
But I don't feel as good as I did."
A beautiful harlot had great abilities
Famous for wearing two big rubies.
She'd paste two brilliant stones,
On her nipples, let out a few moans
And watch them dance on her boobies!
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one
day in a snappy new suit. "Where'd you pick 'em up?"
Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"
"I'll say. What was the occasion?"
"Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug. "I came home from
work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair
in the bedroom."
Patricia
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1826
Val Learns Some New Tricks
BJ is determined to teach Val some new things.
Rudy: Pops when is Val ever going to get on your bed.
BJ: Today, I will teach her to get on the bed. She is big enough,
it is
just a matter of confidence.
BJ starts to play with Val and runs around the house with Val
chasing
him. BJ jumps on the bed and Val without thinking, jumps onto the
bed following him.
BJ pets Val: Good girl, you are on the bed all by yourself.
Val: I am? I am! I did it!
BJ: Yes, you are big enough, have been big enough for some time.
It was just confidence.
Later...
BJ: Come here guys and catch your treats.
Val: I can not catch anything.
BJ: Then no treats for you.
BJ tosses the first treat to Sandi...
Snap!
The next to Rudy
Snap!
To Val
Snap!
BJ: See you can catch if you really want to.
Val: Wow I did didnt I?
BJ: Confidence is the master at work here Val.
That night Val went to sleep at BJ's feet but during the night
worked
her way up and by the morning was nuzzled up face to face.
BJ: What are you doing up here?
Val: It is all about confidence.
The herd in Guthrie (true stories)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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