Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is
Buffalo and I have the watch.
Things that make you go Ouch City police also report investigating a
number of minor traffic mishaps that left vehicles damaged. On
Tuesday, a semi-truck was getting underway after the light turned
green on Three Mile Road only to be struck from behind by a Subaru.
The big rig did not sustain any damage from the impact; the smaller
vehicle was not as fortunate as police characterized the damage as
"major" in their report.
After trying to move a Caterpillar front end loader with the back
bumper of a Cadillac Fleetwood I gave up on playing demolition derby
with large objects. I mean like even if you catch them, what are
you going to do with it? We seem to have an abundance of Kamikaze
drivers around here this summer. You know the type that pulls in
front of you in the fast lane going
15 mph when you are driving at 45 mph with a 6,000 pound vehicle and
they have a Geo Metro. I am concerned for the safety for the person
I might hit, but also for my insurance rates and the cost of
replacing my air bags. Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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BJ Chips
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A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we
will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean
anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is
the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days,
you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we
get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I
gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any
on your face, now will you?
Heather
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
3 little pigs?
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just like you wanted mommy
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If I had sex
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Short Chips
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A college freshman comes home after being away all semester. Her
father looks her up and down, then says, "Aren't you a lot fatter
than when you went away?" "Yes I am, Dad," the girl admits. "I weigh
140 pounds stripped for gym." The father stares at her for a moment
in horrified amazement. Finally, he shouts, "Well, tell me this:
Just who in the devil is Jim?"
A guy rushes into the bar and tells the bartender, "The beers are on
me! My wife ran away with my best friend." The bartender smiles and
asks, "That's a shame, how come you aren't unhappy?" "Why should I
be unhappy?" replies the guy. "They saved me a fortune. Both of them
are pregnant!"
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the
department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office
sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have
no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few
alcoholics."
Stan Kegel
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Random Chips
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Least Popular Canadian Breakfast Cereals
10. Mulroney-Berries
9. Poutine Crunch
8. Frosted Beaver
7. Moose-Nuts
6. Bowlbacon
5. The Tragically Crisp
4. Tundra Bits
3. Igloo Grahams
2. Screech Squares
1. Crunchy, Eh?
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
Did you hear about the Arab baker?
Every morning at 6:00 a.m. he'd bow to the yeast.
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
Eminem has controversially been given permission to tour Australia.
The tour goes ahead in spite of the incredibly obscene language,
total lack of respect towards women, irresponsible attitude to sex &
violence, and, of course, the dungarees. But despite all this,
Eminem said he'd make up his own mind about Australians.
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
Q: What's the best-selling brand of lipstick in
Greece?
A: Preparation H.
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
It was Sunday afternoon, and Pat and Mick were bored.
"Let's go to the pictures," said Mick, "we could see Moby Dick." "I
don't like them R-rated films," Pat replied. "Don't be so daft,"
said Mick. "It's about whales." "That's worse," said Pat. "I can't
stand them Welsh bastards!"
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ A three year study was just completed on
how different nationalities treat their computer equipment. The
study found the following:
- The Japanese are most likely to clean their keyboards after every
use.
- The Americans are most likely to spill food on their keyboards.
- The Ukranians use their keyboards for spare parts for their TV's.
- The Germans are most likely to pound on their keyboards.
- The French are most likely to give their keyboards to the Germans
without a struggle.
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street
singing Danny Boy at the top of their lungs. They stopped in front
of Flaherty's house still singing. After a few minutes, the window
flies open and Mrs. Flaherty yells out, "Why don't you drunken sots
go somewhere else?!" "Are you Mrs. Flaherty?" asks one of the
drunks. "You know damn well I am," she says. "Well, can you tell
us which one of us is your husband so the other two of us can go
home?"
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Flying Chips
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The following are actual exchanges between airline pilots and
control towers from around the world: While taxiing at London
Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767. An irate
female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming:"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to
turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop
right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference
between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the
embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've
screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You
stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and
how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the
humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went
terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state.
Tension in every cockpit at LAW was running high. Then an unknown
pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his
approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy,
turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the
Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last
aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown
aircraft:
"I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far
end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern and have already notified our caterers...."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened
to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206:
"Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground:
"Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled
onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do
you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now." Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I
didn't stop."
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, One o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach,
I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in
sight."
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
Overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our
start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer
you must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German,
flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the
bloody war!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Alabama Chips
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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The vet told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could
fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly
alternative,"
said the vet, "is to go home,get a cherry bomb," (fireworks are
legal in Alabama) "light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can
up to your ear and count to ten."
The Alabamian said to the vet, "I may not be the smartest tool in
the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can
next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, " said the vet.
So the man went home, lit the cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Home Again
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/B/Ag.html
OUR AMERICAN BIRTHRIGHT
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/OURAMERICANBIRTHRIGHT.HTML
Though Eyes Of Love
http://anhourwithyou.com/h/Through_Eyes_Of_Love.html
Stepdad
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/StepDad.htm
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschips.com/scoop
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Surfin Surfari
Quick and Easy Summer Crafts
http://crafts.slides.kaboose.com/292-quick-and-easy-summer-crafts
Crafts for Cub Meetings
http://crafts.kaboose.com/cub-scout/meetings/index.html
There Goes the Bride
http://www.theregoesthebride.com/
Fuel Economy
http://www.fueleconomy.gov/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Background Basics
http://www.efuse.com/Design/background-basics.html
Personal photo maker presentation
http://worriersanonymous.org/Share/Photo/Photomaker.htm
Simply Sally
http://simplysally.com/
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/NJ27.html
Kitty Korner
http://www.animal-eye-specialists.com/
Great White Shark
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html
Leopard Vs Crocodile
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html
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We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
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You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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Movie Links
Kangaroo
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90208.htm
Pancakes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90209.htm
Paris speaks out
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90210.htm
Peeping Tom
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90401.htm
Peyton
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90402.htm
Parking 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asddsas.htm
Parking3
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfgds.htm
Peeling
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfasd.htm
Pigeon
http://www.buffaloschips.com/qwda.htm
Ping Pong
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jlkfd.htm
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Porn Chips
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This guy goes to Amsterdam to videotape a presentation. While
staying in his hotel he finds an awesome porn channel on the TV,
but, alas, he has no VCR or way to record it.
With a flash of inspiration, he sets up his video camera, points it
at the TV, and tapes a few hours of hard core video.
On arriving home, he tells his best friend about the trip. The
conversation gets around to the porn tape and the man lends his
friend the tape.
A couple of days later, the friend returns the tape. "Did, ahh, did
you watch your tape?"
"No. I was watching the original. Wasn't any need to see the
tape."
"Well, uhh, before you lend it out again, maybe you should watch
it,"
the friend advises.
The guy did as he was advised. And never lent out the tape again.
You see, the fella had forgotten to take into account the
*reflective*
nature of a television screen . . .
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Toon Chips
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Cinderella
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkdfgjfdklg.htm
Cinderella2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mgjkfmgndf.htm
city transit
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mvnxcmvcx.htm
civil wall paper
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clap
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbmcbncv'.htm
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Limerick Chips
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Archimedes, the well known truth-seeker,
Jumping out of his bath, cried "Eureka!"
He ran half a mile,
Wearing only a smile,
And became the very first streaker.
_______________________
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he's a college professor.
_______________________
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy and a little girl, both about six years old, were
playing in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing
a little sand between his legs to shift. The little girl notices
and squeals with laughter. "How'd you do that," she asked "Easy,"
he exclaimed, "I just farted." "Can I try it," she asks? "Sure," he
says, "anybody can do it." She concentrates as she strains and
grunts. Suddenly, there's a huge explosion, the sides of the
sandbox fly off, all the sand flies out, and the little boy is
thrown 10 feet, landing up against a tree.
He groggily gets to his feet, runs back to where the little girl is.
He finds her laying on the ground, out cold, flat on her back,
spread eagle. Curiously, he lifts up her dress, peeks underneath,
and loudly exclaims.
"Just what I thought, dual exhausts."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crazy Critters - The plush toy with no stuffing in it that no dog
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Crazy Critters are strong, durable and realistic looking. They are
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1823
The Finish Line
As Tami approaches the finish line she has managed to take first
place again. She also managed to chug another half-gallon of her
spiked orange juice.
Tami: Where is the finnnish line?
Rudy: Straight ahead Miss Tami.
Tami: Why is the ground tilted?
Rudy: Just go ahead and finish.
Tami: It is hot, I need to take off my clothes.
Rudy: NO NO NO MISS TAMI!
Tami is only about 10 feet from the finish line when she grabs her
top
and about the same time Rob jumps on Tami.
Rob: You are not going to do that honey.
Tami: It is hot!
Rob: No, you are juiced.
Tami: But look, I am close to finishing.
Rob: Then finish.
Tami: Not with my clothes on.
Rob: Then I will sit on you until you sober up.
Tami: Hrumpt! Where is Katie?
Rob: Rudy is sitting on her. You two are a couple of wanna be sun
worshipers.
To be concluded
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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