Plants gone potty!: March 2010

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Dogs look up to you; cats look down at you;
only a pig looks at you as an equal.

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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well I finally did it. Our little corner
of West Michigan has been blessed in recent
days with overly warm, balmy, and a
summerlike warm weather front that just
is absolutely fantastic. And, being the
biker that I am, I finally got the iron
horse out to take advantage of it. Unfortunately
the battery had run dead as I neglected to
take care of it properly last winter. You
either have to pull the battery out of the
bike, or you should charge it up once a month
to keep it from going bad on you. I did niether,
so the first thing on the agenda was to have it
hauled up to the local motorcycle dealer. And,
naturally, being nice weather, they were "swamped"
with work and it was a couple days before they
got around to getting things done. Finally, got it
home yesterday around 4pm, and spent a good short
romp for a couple hours. Felt so good being out
on the road again. Assuming the weather man is
correct in his promise of a 70 degree day today,
who knows, it may be a day or so before I decide
to get off and take time to publish again:)
It will be a great first ride of the season!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________

THE COMICS

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be nice
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second warning
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moving tip
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why mommy
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birthday cake
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be patient Norman
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sorry ma'am
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___________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

sounds of Mt. Dew
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down the road
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up in the air
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alcohol
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tractor pull-xxx
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I want milk
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_____________

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR COMPANY HAS CHANGED TO THE
GOVERNMENT'S NEW PROPOSED HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include
"Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is
"an apple a day...."

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants
you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network
charges," is not a typographical error..

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED THE GOVERNMENT'S
NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape.
_____________

A patient walks into a doctor's office with two carrots
up his nose, a radish in one ear and a French fry in the other ear.

"Doctor, I don't feel well."

"That's because you're not eating right."
_____________

There is a new proposal to allow taxi passengers in New York City to
share cab rides. Advocates claim it will save fuel, pollution and
money. Opponents say New Yorkers can't get along and simply won't
share cabs.That's just not true. The other day, I saw two New Yorkers --
complete strangers -- sharing a cab.One took the tires and the
radio, and the other guy got the engine and the bumpers.
_____________

Martha recently lost her husband.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him
out on the patio table.. Then, while tracing her
fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....
You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought
it with the insurance money!" She paused for a
minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also
bought it with the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while
tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,
"Remember that diamond ring you promised me?
Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes,
She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?"
"Here it comes."
____________

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at
Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest.
At confession one day, a football player told the
priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner
at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said
some bad words to one of my opponents."
"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad
to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of
chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.
"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one
of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest
said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got
out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players
in the ... in a sensitive area."
"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more
chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we
playin' when you did these awful things?"
"Southern Methodist."
"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve,
"boys will be boys."
____________

It was cold and flu season. The Rabbi was not happy
with the constant coughing disturbing his sermons
so he decided to call on old Abe to help him solve
the problem. Comes the next Saturday morning, the
Rabbi gave old Abe a bowl of cough drops and
instructions to give to a cough drop to any
congregation member who was coughing.
So following his Rabbi's orders, every time
a member coughed, old
Abe walked over and gave them a cough drop.
The Rabbi noticed that each time he did this,
the member then stood up left the sermon.
At the end of the service, half of
the members were gone.
After services the Rabbi calls old Abe at home
and asked what he said to the members that made
them leave the hall.
Old Abe says, "So vat did I say ? ...
All that I said wuz,
'the Rabbi said for cough!'"
______________

Q.    What do you call the nipple on a Jewish
       wife's breast?
A.    The tip of the iceberg.

Q.    How is being at a singles bar different
        than being at the circus?
A.    At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Q. How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
A. She has a headache with the postman.

Q. What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
A. Never Bin Laidon
_________

FUN PAGES!

Two (Too) Funny Motivationals
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Online Bow Hunting Game
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Balloon Eater
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Beautiful Satin Negligee
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_________

BUFFALO BILL

The Chronicles Of The Oba Messiah
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Then God Made Woman
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The Potato Heads
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__________

SydesJokes Video Clips

Jeff Dunham - Classic Hertz Commericial
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Jeff Dunham - Dead Terroist
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Jeff Dunham - Road Kill Christmas
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

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Funzines - Clean Cartoons April 1, 2010

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Thank you, Your Editor

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[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 3-31

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

In my many years I have come to a conclusion
that one useless man is a shame, two is a
law firm and three or more is a congress.
--John Adams

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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
You know, I kindof wish we had more attitudes like
this in law enforcement....

POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF GRADY JUDD
An illegal alien in Polk County Florida who got pulled
over in a routine traffic stop ended up 'executing' the
deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times,
including once behind his right ear at close range.
Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.
A state-wide manhunt ensued.
The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area and as
soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened
fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times.
Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they
had to shoot the poor undocumented immigrant 68 times.
Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel:
'Because that's all the ammunition we had..' Now,
is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what!
The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural
causes.. When asked by a reporter how that could be since there
were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied:
(QUOTE of 2009)
"when you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die."

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________

THE COMICS

heimlich
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word around the office
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can't type
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newlyweds
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grafilthy
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your site
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olympics
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dye job
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internal revenue
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global warming
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_________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Renault
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cat surprise
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happy
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whiplash
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naughty little man
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Eharmony
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humps
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_____________

The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague
of pigeons in Phoenix . He could not remove the pigeons
from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop.
The people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks,
or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to
keep the streets and sidewalks clean. One day a man
came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.
'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons
without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not
to ask me any questions, or you can pay me one million
dollars to ask one question.' The mayor considered the
offer briefly and accepted the free proposition..
The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall,
opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon.
The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into
the bright blue Arizona sky. All the pigeons in Phoenix
saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind
the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue
pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next
day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man
atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He felt
the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful
miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons.
Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing,
the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars
and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to
ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the
man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay
the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to
ask his ONE question. Do you think
the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon
led all the pigeons away?
Do you think
the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
Do you think
He is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?
Nooooooo!
This will get a smile out of you!
The mayor asked:
'Do you have a blue Mexican
______________

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just
passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's
house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort
her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her
grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we
were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified,
Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago,
realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time
to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out
on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and
continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck
hadn't come along."
______________

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She
knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big,
hairy, bearded biker with tatoos all over his arms
answered the door. She proclaimed, "I want to join
your biker club."The guy was amused and told her that
she needed to meet certain biker requirements before
she was allowed to join. So the biker aske her: "You
have a bike?"The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my
Harley over there," and points
to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs
of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm
shooting pool."The biker was impressed and asked "Well,
have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady said,
"No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz,
but I've been swung around by my tits a few times."
________________

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending
so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night
he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and
threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then
took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out.
"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know
how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think
I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
______________

Norman came in from the field one day and
found his mother carefully spreading handful
after handful of manure over the watermelon patch.
"Maw," he said, "there's an easier way of doin' that."
So saying , he took a stick of dynamite and,
and lit it under the outhouse.
However, Norman didn't know his great-grandmother
was using the facility just then, and when the TNT ignited,
it vaporized the outhouse and blew the woman nearly
a mile into the air. She landed, with a considerable thud,
in the midst of the watermelons.
"Good Lawd," Norman yelled, "are y'all right, great grannie?"
The feisty old woman rose unsteadily. "I reckon I am," she replied.
"All I kin say is I'm glad I didn't let that one go in the house!"
__________

SHORTS

A teacher asks a redneck girl to use "handsome" in
a sentence. She says, "When I'm suckin' dick, and my
jaw gets sore.... I use my handsome".

Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy are in the middle of a 69,
when the phone rings. It's Fozzy Bear on the other end,
and he wants to speak with Miss Piggy.
Kermit replies, "She can't talk right now, she has a
frog in her throat!"

How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a
schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit."
A schoolteacher says, "We're going to have to do this
over and over again until we get it right."
An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this over your
mouth and nose, and breath normally."

Tony wasn't feeling well, and so he went to the doctor
to get himself checked. After a thorough examination,
the doctor said, "Well, Tony, based on my examination,
the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty
foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."
"I see," said Tony. "Well, to be honest with you, Doc,
I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"
_____________

FUN PAGES

Word Zen
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41813&s=n

War on Terror
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Balloon Eater
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A Blonde In Serious Touble
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_____________

BUFFALO BILL

Eric O Shea
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Escuta Essa
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Examendeprostata
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______________

SYDESJOKES

Jay Lenno - Favourite Interviews
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Jay Leno Videos #1
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