THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
An ordinary man can surround himself with two thousand
books and thenceforward have at least one place in the
world in which it is possible to be happy.
Augustine Birrell
Can you work tomorrow?
Yes, you can. You can make up to $200 per day or more.
-No resume required.
-No background check.
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Yesterday, me and the war department were out
and about. Got in the elevator just as a mother
and daughter who looked to be about junior high
age did as well. The daughter obviously had some
mental and physical challenges and she pointed to
my oxygen tank and asked, "How come you have that?"
You could tell the mother was embarrased but I
just smiled and then I took a second
to explain to her why my lungs
didn't work quite as good as hers and why I needed
a little help to breath. Bout that time the elevator
doors opened and the girl and mother went to leave,
she said, "I'm glad you can breath better."
Then they were gone. Perhaps we
adults each need to take a minute to explain our
differences to each other. Maybe there would be a little
more love and a little less hate in this old world of ours.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
bad wish
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p001.html
in case of fire
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p002.html
tongue twisters
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p003.html
what's your excuse?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p004.html
nothin much
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p005.html
while you are out
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p006.html
front and back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p007.html
I did it!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p008.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
a new year and a new president
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6027.html
make the most of now
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6028.html
super mega fugly
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6029.html
get your own dinner
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6030.html
the quenn is Indian
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6031.html
Pakistani AAA
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6032.html
A guy worked for 30 years at the same factory. He got off
work at 3:30, and was home by 3:45 every day of his life.
On Fridays, he came home and gave his wife his check.
One Friday he was walking towards his car, and one of his
co-workers asked if he wanted to go out for a beer.
He'd never been asked before, so he said, "Sure, why not?"
One beer lead to another and that led to his first wild
night out with the boys. Finally about 3:00 am he comes
staggering thru the door. His wife is waiting for him
and asks, "Where have you been?"
"Well," he said, "I went out with the boys for a few beers."
"You did, did you?" his wife fumed,
"Well, just how much money did you spend?"
"As a matter of fact, I spent about $100.00," he said.
"$100?? Do you know how long that would last me?" the wife yelled.
"Well, " he said, "you don't drink, you don't smoke and you've
got your own pussy... I guess it could last you forever."
_______________
Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii when a violent
earthquake occurred at 3 AM. As soon as morning came, the
man went down to the hotel lobby to read the newspaper
about what had happened. As he was reading the newspaper,
a local gentlemen step up and ask him if he had felt the
earthquake during the night."I sure did. My wife and I are
here on vacation from the mainland, and I have felt other
earthquakes, but I have never felt a quake like that one,
it was terrible. I thought the building was going to come
down on us."The guy asks, "What were you doing during the
earthquake?""Gee, I was having the best sexual performance
of my life as that earthquake was happening."
"Is that right?" "And what did your wife think about it?"
Morris said, "Well, it damn near woke her up!"
________________
Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the
third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.
Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now?
Bob: Darts?
Bill: Nah.
Bob: Shoot some pool?
Bill: Nah.
Bob: Cards?
Bill: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and
fuck my wife.
Bob: Whadaya mean?
Bill: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fuck
my wife.
Bob: What about me?
Bill: She's a sport. She won't mind at all.
Bob: Well... if you think it's okay...
Bill: Sure. C'mon, let's go!
At Bill's house:
Bill: Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone
shopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!
__________________
DO YOU KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF A TREE?
A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS
THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN
HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH
THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!
HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE
AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG
INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO
BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN
TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY
PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.
THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND
POINTS AT A TREE "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU
TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD
FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS." THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS,
"THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."
THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION
AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER
TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME
QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A
DIFFERENT CLASS. "THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S
GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET." THE FOREMAN IS REALLY
IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK
AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!!
ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD,
AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN.. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS
THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS,
"AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?" BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES
POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST."
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE
OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK
IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, ANOTHER
FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE.
HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT
TREE OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT
OF THAT TREE!!" THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT,
HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"
WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A
CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP
AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK. HE WALKS BACK TO THE
FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT,"
THE REDNECK SAYS. THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS
SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S
THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS
FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT
IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A SHIT
BEHIND IT!" HE GOT THE JOB.
_____________
you're Not A Kid Anymore When...
• You enjoy watching the news.
• The phone rings and you hope its not for you.
• The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
• People ask what color your hair USED to be.
• You're proud of your lawn mower.
• You start singing along with the elevator music.
• Your car has four doors.
• You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style -- TWICE.
• 8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".
• You write thank you notes without being told.
• You start Christmas shopping in August.
• You don't like to drive after dark.
• You say the words "Turn that music down!"
• You point out what buildings used to be where.
• You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
______________
A man and his wife were talking and he says, "You know,
I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and
entering that big dick contest."
"Oh honey," she exclaims,
"I don't want you taking that out in public!"
"But, sweet thing," he says, "the prize is 5000 bucks."
I don't care," she says. "I don't want you
showing that thing to everybody."
So he lets the subject drop until the following
night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom,
counting out the money. "Did you go down and enter
that big dick contest last night after I told you not to?" she asks.
"Please forgive me, sweetheart.," he says.
"You mean you took all your dick out for everybody to see?"
she says, tears welling up in her eyes.
The man looks at her fondly and says,
"Well, only enough of it to win."
BUFFALO BILL
beer goggles
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jooiuy.htm
before sex
http://www.buffaloschips.com/yyuuiio.htm
bitchin head
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnbbvc.htm
bite my ass
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbvfhju.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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