Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The start of another month, Let's look at who we know that
is having a birthday this month.
1. Jerry Garcia, Herman Melville
2. Jimmy Connors, Peter O'Toole, Patricia Barfield
3. Martin Sheen, Martha Stewart
4. Roger Clemens, Louis Armstrong, Ken Dryden, Jeff Gordon
5. Neil Armstrong, Loni Anderson, Smurf In Calgary
6. Lucille Ball, David Robinson, Andy Warhol
7. David Duchovny, Mata Hari, Heidi B.
8. Dustin Hoffman, Esther Williams, Dick Anderson
9. Deion Sanders, Whitney Houston, Brett Hull, Mary Alice Marr
10. Rosanna Arquette, Herbert Hoover, Jim Lynch
11. Hulk Hogan, Mike Douglas
12. Pete Sampras, Mark Knopfler
13. Annie Oakley, Ben Hogan, Alfred Hitchcock
14. Magic Johnson, Lynn Cheney, Halle Berry
15. Napolean Bonaparte, Debra Messing,Alberta Sabitini
16. Madonna, Kathie Lee Gifford, Frank Gifford
17. Sean Penn, Jim Courier, Robert DeNiro
18. Robert Redford, Christian Slater, Patrick Swayze
19. Bill Clinton, Gene Roddenberry, Orville Wright
20. Connie Chung, Robert Plant, Guy Lafleur
21. Wilt Chamberlain, Kenny Rogers, John Wetteland
22. Norman Schwarzkopf, Carl Yastrzemski
23. Kobe Bryant, Gene Kelly, Barbara Eden
24. Cal Ripken Jr., Reggie Miller, Marleen Eastin, Jo From Az.
25. Regis Philbin, Sean Connery, Connie From Ky, Peggy Kemp
26. Macaulay Culkin, Gerradine Ferraro
27. Lyndon Johnson, Mother Teresa, Barbara Bach, Bonnie Prescott
28. Scott Hamilton, Jason Priestley, Daniel Stern
29. Michael Jackson, Elliot Gould
30. Jean Claude Killy, Cameron Diaz
31. Hideo Nomo, Richard Gere, Edward Moses
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Coyote Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The city boy goes to countryside to visit his uncle. After the sun
goes down, the boy hears strange, another-world howling. He gets
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"That's rubbish, boy, ain't no such thing".
"'Then, there must be man-eating wolves".
"No, we haven't got those buddies, either."
"What is this sound, then?" the boy asks.
"They are coyotes".
"Coyotes? What are those?"
"They look a lot like dogs. In fact, ya can consider them a kind of
dog." The boy wants to find out more: "Why are they making that
frightening noise?"
"See, nephew, we ain't got many trees around here. We got cactuses!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Fucking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of mine recently came home from a trek across Europe. He
started in Spain, made his way through France and Italy, and took a
jaunt through Austria on his way to Germany. He was traveling along
when he came upon a town in Austria called Fucking. Folks, this is a
real town. It was supposedly founded in the sixth century by a guy
named Fucko. My buddy saw the sign and just had to stop. He ate in a
diner, washed up and went on his merry way happy to have experienced
Fucking in Austria. About a half-hour after Fucking, he got a flat
tire. He went to change it but the spare was flat as well. While
waiting for a good Samaritan to come to his rescue, he noticed that
he no longer had his passport. He realized that he must have left it
on the table in the Fucking restaurant. Finally a motorist came by
and stopped. My friend explained his predicament, but the locals
were en-route to some ancient Celtic festival and could not lend a
hand. When they told him this, my friend began to plead. "Come on,
help me out. Let's get back to Fucking, then you can leave. It's
getting late and I don't want to be on the street outside Fucking
all alone." "Sorry," was their reply, "you'd better start walking."
"Well then, excuse me," my friend said a little pissed. "I have to
get back to Fucking myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three gays were talking about their perfect reincarnation. The first
one says, "I'd love to reincarnate in a mirror and see all those
handsome men shave in the mornings."
The second gay guy says, "I wish I were underwear so I could rub my
face in their dicks and asses."
The third gay guy was thinking of something better to say, and
replied, "I'd love to an ambulance. I would love to have three or
four men stuck through my behind at a time and then run through the
streets of the city shouting, 'Ooha-ooha, ooha-ooha, ooha-ooha'."
~`~
Q: What is the definition of a smart ass?
A: Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor
it is.
~~~~~
Bubba: I'm so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death.
Elmer: What's being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to
death?
Bubba: I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I
had to work all the freakin' time!
~~~~
Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear to
see a man enjoying himself. Men like the lights on - so they can get
the woman's name right.
That explains why bisexuals prefer sex under strobe lights.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mute Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his
dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar, he
plucks up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than
expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following
Saturday evening. Saturday night arrives and the man shows up at her
house laden with flowers and chocolates. To his amazement she
answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims,
"I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to
my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I
should warn you however, that they are both deaf mutes." With this
she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents
and promptly disappears. As you can imagine this is a little
uncomfortable as both parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting
in his arm chair watching the soccer game, and Mom is busy knitting.
After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom suddenly jumps from
her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down her knickers and pours a
glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly, Dad launches
himself across the room bends her over the couch and takes her from
behind. He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick
under each eye lid. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and
the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes
the mother again rises from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls
down her pants and throws another glass of water over her nether
regions. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and places two more
match sticks under his eyelids. No sooner have they concluded this
strange behavior and the daughter returns fully dressed ready for
their date. The evening is a complete disaster with the young man
completely distracted by the goings on in the living room. At the
end of the evening the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done
something wrong?" "It's not you," replied her date, "It's just that
the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am
still a bit shocked." After pleading with him to explain in more
detail the young man reluctantly recounts the story. "Well, first
your Mother jumps from her chair and lifts up her skirt. She then
pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water over her behind."
"I see," says the girl, "What happened then?" "Well, if that isn't
enough your Father races from his chair, leans Mom over the couch
and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match
stick under each eye lid." "Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The
young man can't believe the casual response to this weird practice.
"It's easily explained. Mom was simply saying, 'Are you going to get
this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, fuck him. I'm
watching the match.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young innocent girl is about to go on her 1st date and is given
some word of advise and warning by her mother; "Look darling, they
all want the same, so do be very careful and don't you ever let him;
1.) kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will
shrivel,
2.) or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can
shatter, and
3.) never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a
"GRILL"
and will burn everything coming to touch it."
The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waits and
waits until just after midnight when she's back. "How was it?" asks
mom.
"Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I think I'm in love!"
"Lets not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?"
"Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely
careful not to hurt or harm me!" "What do you mean careful, did you
let him do something?" "Not exactly mom, see it was like that.
First he wanted to kiss me and I told him what you said, and he
stopped. Then he went to touch my breast and again I told him what
you said, and he stopped. Then he slowly went under my skirt close
to the private part, and I told him what you said, and he then took
his hands out and said; "What a coincidence, I happen to have a nice
piece of "Fillet" and would love to put it in your "Grill" to
cook!!" "WHAT?!?" screams the mother, "I knew that bastard is no
different to the others. You hopefully stopped him there too,
didn't you?" "Well, not really mom. You see, he promised to be
careful and was very careful not to "burn" his fillet. Every now
and then he took it out and had me "taste it" to see if it was
cooked or not."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A foreign diplomat was sitting beside a very beautiful blonde who
possessed all the social graces. During the course of the dinner, he
put his hand under the table and started to feel her ankle. She gave
him a brilliant smile. Encouraged, he went a little further and
reached the calf of her leg with the same results. The lady smiled
and he, becoming emboldened with this encouragement, went above the
knees. Very soon, giving the diplomat a lovely smile she leaned and
whispered in his ear: "When you get far enough to discover that I'm
a
man, don't change the expression on your face-I'm Secret Agent No.
13."
Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits. "I get such a
yen for a cigarette," said one, "that the only effective
countermeasure is to pop a Life Saver into my mouth and suck
strongly." "That's all very well for you," huffed her friend. "But I
don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach!"
A blonde and her girlfriend went to the beach for the day. As they
wandered up and down the shoreline in their bikinis the girl-friend
began to notice that the blonde seemed to be having some difficulty
walking. The girlfriend finally said, "Did you hurt your leg or
something? You're walking very strangely." The blonde replied, "I
have a big date tonight and I've got curlers in my hair."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/In It's Beauty
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Movie Clips
Eric O Shea
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Escuta Essa
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Examendeprostata
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Fairy Tale Ending
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Farting In a Womens Toilet
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Fastest Gun Ever
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Fed Ex
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Fests
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FFs
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Hot Dog Chase
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pill Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor, you've gotta help me... my wife Sharon just isn't interested
in
sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, Charlie, I can't prescribe...
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this
upset?
I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going
utterly to Hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of
pills.
"Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, but the
tests
so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give Sharon more
than
ONE, understand?.
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
Charlie expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where Sharon has
dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, Sharon goes to the kitchen
to
bring dessert. Charlie, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his
pocket and drops one into Sharon's coffee. He reflects for a moment,
hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry.
The
Doc did say they were powerful.
Then an inspiration strikes: Charlie drops one pill into his own
coffee.
Sharon returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and
coffee, our Charlie with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure enough,
a
few minutes after they finish, Sharon shudders a little, sighs
deeply
and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes. In a deep,
throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice Charlie has never heard
Sharon
use before, she says, "I... need... a man..!!!."
Charlie eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies,.... "Me...
too..!!!."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Automatic Pilot
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Waste Of Money
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Beer Babe
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Accident
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Ace
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd 'just take a chance'.
She let herself go
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts!
Said the trader, "I'm not pleased one bit,
In our dealings, that you should submit
Your signed IOU
In lieu of a ewe -
I just won't accept that sheep chit!"
An accident really uncanny
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two dwarfs go into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take
them to their separate hotel rooms
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection His
depression
is made worse by the fact that from the next room he hears his
little
friend shouting out cries of
"Here I come again...ONE, TWO, THREE.....UHH!
In the morning the second dwarf asks the first "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an
erection"
The second dwarf shook his head." You think that's embarrassing? - I
couldn't even get on the bed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Out in the Wild West, Jesse James's gang forces a train to stop, and
Jesse climbs on board. He bursts into a passenger car, pulls out his
guns, and fires. Blam! Blam! "All right!" he yells. "I'm going to
screw all the men and kill all the woman!" Blam! Blam! "That's
right!"
he growls. "I'm going to screw all the men and kill all the women!"
A
guy in the front row says, "Uh, Mr. James, I think you've got it
backwards." Suddenly a high pitched man's voice in the back calls
out,
"Excuse me, but Mr. James is robbing the train!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1656
D's Surgery cont
Diana is checking in and Rudy is most impatient.
Rudy: I want Toots operated on now!
Nurse: We have our procedures, she must check in first.
Rudy: Okay..
Sandi: Calm down Rudy, it will be okay.
Katie: I have a plan...
Sandi: I have a bad feeling.
A few minutes later.....
Katie: I pushed mother to the top of the list, she will be next in line.
Nurse: Diana are you ready?
Diana: So soon?
Nurse: Yes, I bet you are ready to give birth?
Diana: What?
Nurse: Aren't you here to have twins?
Diana: No, I am here for back surgery.
Katie slides down in the chair.
Nurse: I think someone has accidently switched your chart.
Sandi muttering: I wonder who that could have been?
Rudy: Good thing they didn't want to remove a Gal Bladder or
something like that.
Katie: I think I will go read a book.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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