Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It's Friday and it's been a long week. I have felt like sleeping
most of the day which is why this is so late.
Ross sent me the following
U.S. Representative Thaddeus McCotter has introduced act H.R.
3501, also known as the Humanity and Pets Partnered Through the
Years (HAPPY) Act, would make changes to the internal revenue code
which would allow pet owners to deduct up to $3500 from their
taxable income for pet care expenses.
At first I thought that was a great idea, because most of my cats
fall under
the American Shorthair variety and paying for their kitty treats,
litter, and
Meow Mix in any way, shape or form is appreciated. But what about
those people that own Persian and Siamese kitties. I don't want to
give a
tax cut for someone raising kitties of unknown political and
religious
affiliations. For all we know they may all be al Qaeda recruits
waiting to
declare a kitty Jihad on all of us. Oh sure laugh now but you won't
be
laughing when one of them sets of an IED in his litter box.
Similar thoughts on dog's but I am willing to be a little more
lenient here.
Australian Collies, English Bull Dogs, and German Shepherds all come
from countries we have had long established relations with but what
about those Afghans? Could be a Taliban. Then we have the Chihuahua,
how do you know they didn't just sneak across the border? It's hard
to tell
when the only thing they can say is, " Yo Quiro Taco Bell."
It's going to be hard for me to support a bill that gives all of
these tax cuts to
people with foreign dogs and cats
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Computer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer
Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually
arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he
said,
"is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any
question you may care to ask it".
A smartass who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked,
"Where is my father?"
There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the
task.
Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the
laser
printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida."
The smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick
question."
The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was
sorry
the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was
precise,
perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.
The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's
husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the
room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper
said,
"Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
hangup---
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doesn't matter
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epic
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Cellphone Cameras
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Cellphone Cash Dispenser
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Cellphone Grave Marker
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common? They've
both
swallowed a lot of semen.
A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was
immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. The petting
went on and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be
enjoying
it, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! Your ring is hurting me!" "That's
no
ring. That's my watch!
If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, it doesn't mean you
have to go to Berlitz and learn the language.
It has been determined that having sex before participating in
athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the
athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this
behavior for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and
say, "Oops, gotta run!"
Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Car Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl (18ish) walks into a prestige car sales room. Looks
around at all the Porsches, Lamborghini'
the salesman "can I have the red one?" - a top of the range Porsche.
" I'll pay cash!" and starts taking handfuls of tenners out of a
carrier bag until she gets to the right price.
The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.
She is back 2 days later - "I want my money back...it smell awfully
bad when I use the brakes" she states emphatically.
Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the
books) the manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she
is not driving it properly'
He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second
gear at 55 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80mph
does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to
accelerate.
120mph into 4th gear; 5th at 145mph. The engine is screaming, trying
to leap out of the bonnet when it reaches 170mph.
The scenery is a green blur the G-force has him pinned in the seat.
In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are
beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!)
instead the pitch of the engine increases.
100yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops
inches from the barrier.
"Can you smell it?" she says.
"SMELL IT? I'M SITTING IN IT!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the first night for a newly wed couple.
The bride was still a virgin because she is afraid of dicks,
especially large ones and she's heard all about black men and how
well hung they are.
To make his white bride feel at ease, the groom said to the her,
"OK,
I am going to go outside and slowly show you my dick through the
door. Stay calm, there is nothing to be afraid."
So he walked out, leaving the door slightly ajar and then stuck a
little bit of his dick through the gap and asked, "Does that scare
you?"
She chuckled a little and said, "Nope!"
He then pushed a little more through the gap and again he
asked, "Does that scare you?"
"Nope," she replied. He pushed some more through the gap and
asked, "Does that scare you?"
"Nope," she said laughing.
He then said, "Alright, you seem to be okay with it. I am coming up
the stairs now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his
sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some
jokes to each other.
Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?"
Everyone answered, "Who's there?"
Susie says, "Boo!"
Everyone replied, "Boo who?"
To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke
out
laughing.
At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey,
did
you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain Hook?"
Immediately, Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and
had
heard Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright
Johnny!
That's enough! In fact, all of you kids can go home now. Leave,
please."
The following Saturday, Johnny again invited his friends over, this
time
to play some video games. During a lull in the action, Johnny said
to
everyone, "You know, there's a rumor going around that a busload of
prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up
in
Alaska, and they say..."
This time again, Johnny's mother was in the kitchen and came
stomping
in
after having heard him. She said demandingly as she gathered his
friends
together and shuffled them towards the door, "Okay kids, it's
getting
late. All of you will have to leave now."
Little Johnny was puzzled and yelled back at them, "Hey! Hold on,
hold
on! There's still plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave till
morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE LEGEND LIVES ON
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dollar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, little Tommy, bored out of his mind, went to his father for
suggestions on what to do to pass the time. "I`ll tell you what,"
said
the father, "take this dollar and run into town and get me a dollars
worth of what`s what." Tommy grabbed the dollar, hopped on his bike
and
rode into town. Once there, he had to decide what store would have
the
what`s what. He stopped in front of the pharmacy and went in. He
went to
the pharmacist`s desk, held up the dollar and said, "I`d like a
dollar`s
worth of what`s what, please." The pharmacist knew immediately that
the
boy was on a wild goose chase and said, "If you go across the
street, to
the house with the red light on the front porch, they can get you
some
what`s what." Tommy ran across the street and knocked on the front
door.
A tall, stunning blonde, completely naked, opened the door. Her
"bush"
was right in little Tommy`s face. Pointing to it he said, "what`s
that?"
"What`s what?" the prostitute replied. Tommy then replied, "Good,
I`ll
take a dollar`s worth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Ready for Heaven
http://www.silveran
James O'Brien w/ Cloudy Skies
http://www.poetryin
Marlene/Legend Of The Dogwood/
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Says It All
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Free Online Office apps
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Home Paternity Test
http://www.buffalos
Homemade Water Slide
http://www.buffalos
Homer Koehn
http://www.buffalos
Honey I'm Home
http://www.buffalos
Horse Race
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Good Job
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Go White Guy
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Great Escapes
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Greatest Movie Line Ever
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Guide Dog
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moose Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The members of the hunting club had drawn straws to decide who
would
man the mess tent during their annual trip to the big woods, with
the
proviso that anyone complaining about the food would automatically
replace the unlucky cook. Realising after a few days that no one was
likely to risk speaking up, Short Straw decided on a desperate plan.
Having found some moose droppings, he added a generous amount to the
stew that night. There were grimaces around the campfire after the
first
few mouthfuls, but nobody said anything until one member suddenly
broke
the silence. "Hey," he exclaimed, "this stuff tastes like moose shit
-
but good!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aliens Come In Piece
http://www.buffalos
A Little Bush
http://www.buffalos
All Juice
http://www.buffalos
All Yours
http://www.buffalos
Allowance
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Alls Well
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
World's Most Convenient Multi-Use Steamer
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It heats up in seconds and eliminates the hassle of ironing boards.
Steam up your life with Steam Buddy.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A NAUGHTY LITTLE POEM??
I'm sure you can imagine
As plain as you can be
The place is Picadilly
The player He and She
She whispered "Will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."
She said "I'm frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times.
And said it can be sore."
Then finally contented
Laid back and relaxed
a bit Quickly and readily
he bent over her
And then he started it
It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been quite a size
"Calm yourself," he whispered
His face was filled with a grin
"Try and open a bit wider
So I can get it in".
"It's coming now,"he whispered.
"I know."she cried in a bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I am having this.."
And with final effort
She gave a frightened shout.
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contented
Sighed and gave a smile
She said," I am glad I came now
You made it worth my while."
Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find...
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Today police in Detroit busted a marijuana growing operation
that had more than a half a million dollars worth of pot
plants. Way to go police - police found the only profitable
business in Detroit and shut it down." -Conan O'Brien
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slap Chop - Dice, Chop & Mince in Seconds
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks to Obama, Luxury cars are soon to be a thing of the past.
They
have always been beyond my means but I took out a GMC Denali last
week for a test drive, just to drive that sucker before they become
extinct.
The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all it's
wonderful options. The seats were of particular interest. He
explained the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and
directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
I stated the car must be a Republican car.
He asked why I thought it was a Republican car and I explained if it
were a Democratic car the seats would blow smoke up your ass.
BJC
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1661
Midnight...
Sleepy heads start to nod off after watching the fourth movie..and
with full bellies.
Sandi has the remote and is scanning the channels..
Click!
Are you going bald? If so, try our new product it will make your
Click!
Teeth whiter and brighter, yes just send in 19.95 today and we will
give you an extra package of..
Click!
Fat burning pills! Yes you can lose up to ten pounds in one week
and
eat all you want or your money back so just send in..
Click!
Your hands upon the TV and I will pray with you and you will be
Click!
Shot dead, more details at the ten o'clock news. Weather next.
The weather will be hot with a twenty percent chance of
Click!
Bad breath. A cure of this condition is our new line of product
called
Click!
Razor-fine, it will cut through anything. Yes, watch as I cut this
piece
of
Click!
Newborn baby, just put this diaper on it's behind and it will stay
dry for
up to
Click!
A month. Yes, you will not have to mop your floors for a month..
to be cont
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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