Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
When we went through the stack of documents in my parent's
safe, there was a letter signed by Senator Edward Kennedy.
The fact that it was in the safe reflected my dad's feelings
towards Teddy. He had lived through the Depression and
had been a Democrat his whole life and when there was
a discussion at work regarding back pay for civil service
employees at the locks, my dad wrote Teddy a letter. The
reply which agreed with my dad's view of the situation promised
that the Senator would look into it. Taking the time to reply to
someone 1200 miles away earned him my dad's respect
and you didn't talk bad about Teddy in his house. So anyhow
I won't say anything against Teddy out of respect for my dad
but I wonder with deaths coming in threes, who will be the other
two Democrat senators will be.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules for Playing Bedroom Golf
************
1. The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally one
club, and two balls.
2. Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may
begin.
3. Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club
into
the hole, while keeping the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. The
course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before allowing
play to commence.
5. Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length, so
as
to avoid damage to the course.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible,
until
the course owner is satisfied.
7. Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
the
course owner.
8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arriving at the course. Experienced players will admire the
course, paying special attention to the well formed bunkers.
9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played
or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played.
Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment
for this reason.
10. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in
this situation. Most advanced players find alternate means of play
when
this is the case.
11. It is considered outstanding form to play the hole several times
in
one match.
12. Course owners shall be the judge of who is the best player.
13. It is considered bad form to reveal your score to other players,
or
even that you have played the course.
14. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
15. Players should assure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled; particularly when a new course is being played
for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate
if
they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a
private
course.
16. Players are advised to obtain course owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
17. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the owners
request.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Jack's clubs
http://www.thepostm
getting married
http://www.thepostm
money isn't everything
http://www.thepostm
Club Hell
http://www.sydesjok
Cockpit
http://www.sydesjok
Code For Vista Leaked
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Milk and Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease
and his doctor told him could drink only human milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor.
"Well, Ruby Finkelstein'
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby
was a dark eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself,
gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts. One
day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr.
Rugelbaum, do
you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there
anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little cookie?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Smoke Chips
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New Marlboro Ads
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"...That was the sound of a 65-year-old smoker hocking
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"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a carrot stick?"
"Betcha can't smoke just one."
"I have less tar and nicotine than the leading brands,
you big pansy."
"Buy another pack. Tobacco settlements don't
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"The Marlboro Man has determined that the Surgeon
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"Each cigarette shortens your life by three minutes,
so smoke faster."
"You have smoked... THREE... packs today. At this rate
you will develop emphysema in... FIVE... years."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of calcutta when an
old
woman walked by.
"Hey, Billy Joe," one said, "I think that's Mother Teresa."
"Your nuts." "I'm telling you."
They approached the woman and one asked, "Are you Mother Teresa?"
The old lady eyed them scornfully. "Fuck off, you goddamn perverts,"
she
hissed, striding off.
"Jeez," Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the crowd, "now
we'll
never know."
Jill: Did I tell you about the great training session I attended for
the
office last week?
Jenny: No! Let's hear it.
Jill: Well they put us up in a great hotel, and I met some very
interesting
people.
Jenny: That's wonderful! Was your room nice?
Jill: My room? Gee, I don't think I ever saw MY room!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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After Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEFORE AND AFTER YOU FALL IN LOVE
Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - Twice a night.
After - Twice a month.
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.
Before - Saturday Night Fever.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - Don't stop.
After - Don't start.
Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.
Before - It's like I'm living in a dream.
After - It's like I'm living in a dorm.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for everything stupid he's done.
Before - $60/doz.
After - $1.50/stem.
Before - Turbocharged.
After - Jumpstart.
Before - We agree on everything.
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Blind.
After - Nearsighted.
Before - Victoria's Secret.
After - Fruit-of-the-
Before - Charming and Noble.
After - Chernobyl.
Before - Feathers and handcuffs.
After - Ball and chain.
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - I love a woman with curves.
After - I never said you were fat.
Before - He's completely lost without me.
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?
Before - Time stood still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Croissant and cappuccino.
After - Bagel and instant.
Before - You look so seductive in black.
After - Your clothes are so depressing.
Before - Oysters.
After - Fish sticks.
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.
Before - Passion.
After - Ration.
Before - Once upon a time.
After - The end.
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Test Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Certificate Ordinary Level Examination Paper.
SEXISM STUDIES
************
A stiflingly hot afternoon, June 1998
Time allowed 3 hrs.
Attempt all questions.
If you do not know the answer to a particular question attempt to
look
at someone else's paper by knocking your biro onto the floor and
having a shufty while you lean over to retrieve it. You are allowed
one
visit to the toilet to look at the answers you wrote on the wall
yesterday.
After ten minutes, request more paper to spook the other candidates
into thinking that you must have wrote loads. Attempt to introduce
the
one or two facts you are reasonably sure of into the answers to
every
question. At 4.30 exactly, everybody cough to make the invalidator
jump. With three minutes to go, suddenly realise there are 4 more
questions on the back of the page that you haven't spotted.
Section A (50%)
1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't
stand a chance against you and ten of your mates. Include in your
answer:
a) Why they are unable to kick a ball straight
b) What you wouldn't mind doing with them in the bath after the
match, though.
2. Pamela Anderson's tits are plastic but look good in photographs.
Compare and contrast the relative merits of plastic and real tits
for recreational purposes.
3. It is a long established fact that fat lasses are more grateful
for
it.
Outline some of the reasons why this is so, and explain why all
feminists are fat, ugly lesbians.
4. Write a critique of any ONE of the following films you have
watched
at your mates house while his parents were away for the weekend.
a)Sex Boat
b)Three Into One Will Go
c)King Dong
d)Speared by Zulu Lovers
5. Women drivers, eh? Discuss.
Section B (50%)
1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart.
What apparatus would you require?
What risks would you run in lighting a fart and what are the
benefits?
Write a balanced chemical equation to describe the reaction.
2. Name something a woman has invented.
3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their
pension 5 years earlier.
Explain why this isn't fair, making reference to your lazy old
granny who lived to be 100 and your poor granddad who worked 52
years down the pit and died the day before he retired.
4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lamborghini
Diablo and the Ferrari Testerossa without ever having seen,
let alone driven, either.
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
John w/ I Fall To Pieces
http://heavens-
Drink Responsibly
http://www.shangral
Melva/Forever Friends
http://www.silveran
How To Become A Christian
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Surfin Surfari
Water Slide Jump Via Wesley
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Elvis Presley Back To Life
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Sneakers
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Duck Job
http://www.buffalos
Excedrin
http://www.buffalos
Excuse Me Miss
http://www.buffalos
Fairytale Ending
http://www.buffalos
Flashlights
http://www.buffalos
Ollie
http://www.buffalos
Parrot Plays Golf
http://www.buffalos
Pepsi Please
http://www.buffalos
Pilobolus
http://www.buffalos
Ponies
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Movie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Deborah Kerr as an English governess and Yul Brenner as a far
eastern
king delve into esoteric sex in "The Kink and I." (Gill Krebs)
Mia Farrow gives a stellar performance as a diner waitress who sets
out to destroy a flower garden with pancake syrup in Woody Allen's
"The Purple Rose of Karo." (Gill Krebs)
Julia Roberts and Kevin Anderson visit a stomach specialist to find
out what is causing their gastro problems in "Sleeping With the
Enema." (Gill Krebs)
Dick Van Dyke opens an avian pet shop specializing in parrots that
mate with either sex in the film version of the Broadway musical,
"Buy
Bi Birdie." (Gill Krebs)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
booty queen
http://www.buffalos
bottles
http://www.buffalos
bottom lines
http://www.buffalos
bottomless cheerleaders
http://www.buffalos
bought drink
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl called Bianca
Who slept while her ship lay at anchor.
She awoke with dismay,
When she heard the mate say,
"Hi! Hoist up the top sheet and spanker!"
There was a young lady called Valerie
Who started to count every calorie.
Said her boss in disgust,
"If you lose half your bust,
Then you're worth only half of your salary."
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
Grew cunts in pots at his place.
When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his
efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it
this way." he said finally. "How would your wife
carry on if you should die?"
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't
reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she
behaves herself while I'm alive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these three guys. They all worked together at a
factory. Everyday they notice that their boss leaves work a
little early.
So one day they meet together and say that today when the
boss leaves, they'll all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The first guy goes home and
goes to rest so he can get an early start.
The second guy goes home and cooks dinner.
The third guy goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens
the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss so
shuts the door and leaves.
The next day the first and second guys are talking and plan
to go home early again. They ask the third guy if he wants
to leave early again and he says, "No."
They ask him why not and he said, "Because yesterday I
almost got caught!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1680
The Level of Badness
Rudy: I am bad.
Katie: No, I am bad.
Sandi: I am watching.
Rudy: I am going to run to the edge of that cliff.
Katie: I am going to run to the edge of the cliff and maybe a
little
beyond and back.
Rudy: Oh yeah!
Katie: Oh yeah!
Sandi: I am watching.
Rudy: Let's go.
Katie: Start us off Sandi.
Sandi: Go!
Zoom!
Zoom!
A few moments later...
Rudy/Katie: Help!!!!
Sandi walks slowly over to the cliff where Rudy and Katie are
hanging
on to the edge by their paws.
Sandi: Who is the baddest of all?
Rudy/Katie: You are!
Sandi extends a paw to each dog and pulls them up.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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