Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday I suggested wishing a Herd Happy Birthday to Smurf
in Calgary in the Scuttlebutt. Unfortunately Smurf passed away
last year and my database and what few brain cells I have left were
never updated. It is not wrong to remember a person's birthday
when they are gone, I liked Smurf better than George Washington
and Martin Luther King and we celebrate their birthdays once a year.
My apologies for any confusion and thanks to those who pointed out
the mistake. I am sure if Smurf was watching, he probably smiled.
From The Archives
One thing you learn quickly in the Navy is that memories of friends
last forever but the Navy has a way of giving you new friends, new
ships, and new ports every few years. Jim and his wife were good
friends even though Jim had a habit of attracting trouble when he
was drunk. He had an argument with a neighbor and had been
threatened with a shotgun and after an argument at the EM club
another person had tried to run him down with their car. Jim wasn't
a bad guy he just attracted trouble like the Incredible Hulk.
Fast forward about six months had been out to sea for about two
weeks on carrier quals when I got the word that NIS was aboard and
wanted to talk to me in the Master at Arms office. I went up there
and was informed that Jim had been murdered in Seattle the week
before and they were interviewing anyone who knew him. I told them
about the previous skirmishes and answered all of their questions,
why not we all had the perfect alibi, we were on a ship 1000 miles
from Seattle when it happened. The discussion rapidly started to go
downhill though and the next question I was asked was since I
had spent a lot of time in his house, was I having an affair with
Jim's wife. I was flabbergasted that they would even suggest that so
I told them Ok, I did it, I stole a plane from the flight deck, flew
to Seattle and killed Jim so I could be with his wife and then flew
back to the ship before anyone noticed I was gone.
Needless to say they expressed contempt for my stupid humor and I
expressed contempt for their stupid questions. I still don't know if
they ever found a suspect, a search on the internet revealed no
stories but it was over 30 years ago.
Hope you enjoyed the story..... buffalo
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A girl about to be married confessed to her close friend that she
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Little Johnny Chips
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The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so
she took him aside after class one day.
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," replied Little Johnny.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
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"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly,
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lovely dark-haired girl appeared at the pearly gates and asked
St. Peter for permission to enter. That venerable figure asked her
the usual questions, ending with, "And are you a virgin?"
She quickly answered, "YES, of course I am." At that point,
St. Peter rang for the angel in charge of such things to make the
proper examination of the young applicant. When he finished,
the examining angel reported that his only findings were seven
slight dents in her maidenhood. It was decided not to deny her
admission for such a trifling matter, and St. Peter got out the
big ledger book and pen.
"Your name, Please, young lady?" he queried.
"SNOW WHITE," She promptly answered.
A drunk man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he waits for
the
bartender to mix his cocktail, he notices a woman alone at the end
of
the bar. When his drink comes, he says, "Hey b-b-b-artender. Give
that
douche bag at the end of the bar a drink for me."
The bartender tells the drunk to keep his voice down, but the drunk
is
belligerent. "Give that douche bag at a drink, dammit!" he shouts.
The bartender becomes angry. "Sir, I will not permit you to sit here
and
call the lady names."
The drunk persists. "For the last time, bartender, bring me my drink
and
give that douche bag down there a drink, too!"
Attempting to quell the growing disturbance, the bartender
approaches
the woman and apologizes for the behavior of the drunk. "The
gentleman
insists upon buying you a drink, ma'am. What can I get for you?"
The woman replies, "Oh,... I'll have a vinegar and water, please!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what I
looked
for in a woman.
Naturally I replied, "Big tits."
He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship. So I said, "Oh,
seriously big tits."
"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want
to
spend the rest of your life with?"
He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch
laughing until my gut hurt.
"Spend the rest of my life with one woman? No woman's tits are that
big."
A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen
better
times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says,
"Sorry,
but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out;
you
only have 30 erections left in your penis." The man walks home
(deeply
depressed); his wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks
him
what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the
doc
told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that;
we
should make a list!" He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the
way
home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lion Chips
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A gorilla is walking through the jungle. He parts the bushes by the
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He
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and
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says.
"Did you just see a big gorilla run through here?" The gorilla
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says,
"Jesus Christ! It's in the paper already?"
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Movie Clips
Hard at the Beach
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of
Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.
"Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down
and tell me what has you so excited?"
"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the
hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering
money!"
"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.
"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the
nun, " it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had
wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the
wall!!"
"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest,
"What did you do?"
"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."
"How much did you win?"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,
My wife's just had twins,, ain't that nice.
But the Bishop said, "Father,
in future I'd rather,
you abstained, or were not naughty twice."
____________
An exceedingly fat friend of mine,
When asked at what hour he'd dine,
Replied, "At eleven,
At three, five, and seven,
And eight and a quarter past nine.
____________
A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,
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One night in the dark
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that she'd gone off
men for life. "They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good,"
she moaned.
"From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my tried and tested
plastic companion," she said.
"What happens when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.
"That's simple," replied the blonde. "I'll just fake an orgasm
as usual!"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a
traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new
bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there.
Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight
on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a
$20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By
the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring
that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick
underneath the horse, instead of on top."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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