Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Some thing seem to never change.
I got up this morning after working on the lists till five and put
another
couple of hours into sorting mail and harvesting material for the
lists.
It has always been easier to tackle my tasks in short sessions,
working
at something for 8 hours straight seems too much like a job
especially
when you do it 364 days a year. Anyhow as I was getting ready to
get out of bed Eva came in with the cable box remote in her hand.
The TV
in the living room had Fox news on it and she wanted something
different to watch. I tried CNN first as they are pretty funny but
she
wasn't happy so I tried the kid's channels and she objected to Danny
Phantom, Little Bear, and even Sponge Bob but when I got to
the Cartoon Network they had Tom and Jerry cartoons on from when I
was a kid. She grabbed the remote meaning that she didn't want
me to change the program.
She watched the same show for almost two hours. No matter how much
the psychologists try to make television a learning experience for
children,
the shows that try to teach a lesson are no match for a dog beating
the fur off of a cat with a baseball bat or a golf club. Makes you
kind of
wonder whether a kid would do that to your pet just because they
saw
it on. Guess I better lock up the weapons of feline destruction in
the house
and let her watch something sane like Coyote and Road Runner. I know
she doesn't have an account with Acme..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mixed Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her
to
push. She does and the baby's head pops out.
The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes."
To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty
good,
so I decided to give them a try.
The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the
baby's body comes out.
"Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says.
"Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give
them a try," she said.
The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that
will be it. So she does and the legs come out.
"Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I
heard
them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try,"
she
said.
So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and
slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry.
The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal
with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?"
The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a
funeral
home. One turns to the other and says: "Hey, you wanna go in for a
couple of cold ones?"
Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side
of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said
the
one gay. To which the other replied, "Don't you think you ought to
pet
him first??"
Bob's internist referred him to a female urologist. When she came
into
the examining room, Bob was overwhelmed by how beautiful and
unbelievably sexy she was. The Doctor told Bob, "You have to stop
masturbating.
to
examine you..."
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the
class,
and she discovered Little Johnny with a cat up his pants. She said,
"Why have you got your cat at school?" Little Johnny started crying.
"I woke up this morning to hear the mailman tell my Mummy 'I'm gonna
eat your pussy today'!"
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to
her fourth grade class. After showing a brief film
and reading the lesson, she asked if anyone had
any questions.
One little boy held up his hand shyly. "Teacher, I
have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and
wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies.
Is this sex?"
"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.
A little girl raised her hand. "Teacher, I have a girl
cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in
the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens.
Is that sex?"
"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny then raised his hand. "Teacher, the
other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled
with Sylvester Stallone. Is that sex?"
"No, that was not sex," the teacher replied.
"Good," Little Johnny replied. "I always thought it
would take more than three guys to screw Sylvester
Stallone."
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Dildo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I was Christmas shopping with my 4-year-old daughter, she
piped up, "Mom, do you know what I want for Christmas?" (I should
add that I was preoccupied with shopping and was listening to her
with only one
ear.)
I asked her, "No, what's that?"
In a very loud voice she replied, "I want a dildo."
Not believing what had come out of her mouth, I asked her, "Honey,
WHAT is it that you want?"
A bit irritated, she said in an even louder voice, "A dildo, Mom. I
want a dildo!"
After running--not walking--out of the store, I caught up with the
rest of my family, and my 7-year-old daughter explained to me that
her younger sister wanted a new Rugrat doll called the Dill Doll.
Later I found out that when Santa visited my 4-year-old's Christian
preschool, she'd asked him also for a "dildo."
I don't think the people in the store ever looked at me quite the
same way again!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife and her husband attended a very important business
party thrown by her boss.
On the way home from the party, the woman said to her
husband, "Have I ever
told you how handsome and sexy and totally irresistible
to all women you are?"
"Why no," said the husband, deeply flattered.
"Then what the hell gave you that stupid fucking idea
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Water Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dad and Dave, having made some serious money with booming wool
prices, decided to spend a bit of the proceeds down in the Big
Smoke. They booked into their hotel, a commodious Edwardian pile not
far from the CBD. They repaired to the saloon bar for a quite a few
jugs, and continued their piss-up well into the evening.
Finally they retired to their room with its huge four-poster. Soon
snores filled the room. Suddenly Dad woke up, shook his recumbent
son and shouted, 'Dave, wake up! I'm as thirsty as buggery. Nip down
to the bathroom, there's a good lad, and bring me back a glass of
water.' Dave did as he was bidden and came back with a brimming
tumbler. Dad gulped it in one swallow and said, 'Geez, that's better
- now for a bit more shut-eye.
After an hour or so he woke again and made the same request of Dave.
The procedure was repeated several more times. But on the last
occasion Dave returned without the water.
'Where's me drink, son?'
'Gee Dad, I'm sorry,' Dave replied, 'but when I went down to the
bathroom, I couldn't get any. Some silly old bastard was sitting on
the bloody water supply.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Key
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Struggles
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FREEDOM ISN'T FREE http://www.wtv-
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Movie Clips
Blonde Arm Wrestling
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Blonde That Started It All
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Boy And His Train
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Brains
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Burglary Commercial
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My family Reunion
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National Anthem Cactus
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Negotiating a Real Piece of Work
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New Energy Drink
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New Guy In Prison
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very
excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a
talk onproductive salesmanship. Little Mary led off: "I sold girl
scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach
was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that
approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of
current events." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher. Eventually,
it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little
Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467,
teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Tooth brushes," said
Little Johnny. "Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you
possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I
found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all
said the same thing. Hey, this tastes like shit! Then I would
say.........
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Toon Chips
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Triad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome:
Pros:
1. It can get really weird
2. Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
3. There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
4. Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
5. You get to watch your best friends making love
6. You get to get watched making love
7. Simultaneous enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be
experienced to
be believed
8. You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
9. You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison
shopping for
condoms
10. Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
11. You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies
without
actually doing anything about it
12. Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a
problem, the
"wrong name" is probably the one on your left
13. Three-person showers are fantastic
14. Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
15. Three-person kisses are best
Cons:
1. It can get really weird
2. Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
3. Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
4. You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the
bathroom; the
other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
5. Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
6. You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends
like
7. Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
8. Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your
notebooks
9. Morning breath multiplied by 3
10. You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or
want
11. You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends
you didn't suspect or want
12. You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of
relationships
13. The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
14. Sorting clothes quickly when the boyfriend/spouse walks in
assumes
comical proportions
15. Now there are two wet spots to avoid
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gail, the attractive secretary was inclined to
brag way too much about her "dates" to suit the
other women in the office.
One day, she was going on and on about a Texan
who had treated her like a Queen all evening and
at the end of the date, gave her 2 hundred dollar
bills for "cab fare".
"Imagine that." came a voice from the other side
of the filing cabinets, "A hundred-and-
dollar tip."
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ONE NIGHT IN PARIS
A guy and Paris Hilton are going at it in the back of a van. Paris
says, "Put a finger in me!"
So he does. Then she says, "Put another finger in me!"
And he does. "Put your whole hand in me!"
And he does. "Put your other hand in me!"
And again he obeys. "Now clap!"
At this point he replies, "I can't!"
Paris purrs, "Tight, huh?"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1678
Rabie's Shots and Kommon Sense
BJ: Hey Rudy come here.
Rudy: Whatcha need Pops?
BJ: I phoned the vet and I can get you out of the rabies shots for
the
next two years.
Rudy eyes BJ up and down: Why you wanna kill me?
BJ: No, I have been reading on the net the shots are not really
needed
if certain criteria are met.
Rudy: I have a criteria?
BJ: Sandi needs the shot because she hunts and kills other animals.
Katie needs it because she runs so much in the woods. But you stay
close to the house and are not a threat to get rabies, so you do not
need the shot.
Rudy: What if I get rested by the cops?
BJ: You won't. The vet will sign a special form that will waive
you
from having to get the shot for two years.
Rudy: He is going to wave at me?
BJ: It is a different kind of wave, it is a waiver.
Rudy: A wafer?
BJ: Nevermind. Getting the shot as you get older raises the chance
of you getting sick.
Rudy: You saying I am old?
BJ: No, no, no Rudy. I am just looking out for your health.
Rudy: Well, I don't know, but if you say so.
BJ: It all boils down to this. Do you trust me?
Rudy: Yes.
BJ: Then believe me.
Rudy snuggles up to BJ: I believe you with my life.
The herd in Guthrie
(sometimes what we do is not in the best interests of our dogs or
ourselves)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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