Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Pretty dismal out there today, about 80 deg., high humidity
and little spots of rain. Someone is out there mowing his
lawn through it all because the rain feels pretty comfortable.
I have been driving out to the country almost every evening
for the past month and the past week the heat has been really
bringing out the fog. Fortunately it is not bad in the evening
when I am headed home as it would be at dawn, but I am not
usually up at that time. I can tell by the foghorns every few
minutes
especially when they shut the shipping channel down. All of
the big boats have radar but the horns are a back-up and also
a warning to the little fishing boats that there are 1000 footers
out there.
I used to hate going out in the heavy fog into the pastures to bring
the
cattle up to feed their calves. The fog around you would be up to
your waist and solid. You couldn't see your feet and you could only
see about twenty feet in front of you or any landmarks and a lot of
our pastures had chunks of swamp in them, not deep but cold and
mucky when you stepped in them. There wasn't any wildlife to worry
about except maybe a muskrat or beaver and hopefully the cows
were noisy so you could get them up in corral with their calves and
then
go over to the well house and wash the mud and stench off while
they
fed.
For those who don't read the Nerdy Buffalo, here is what Nancy
knows about her tests so far, and it does sound hopeful that they
caught it early.
Spent almost 5 hours at the hospital yesterday getting test done.
Started my day out with an EKG followed up with an injection from
nuclear medicine to make my bones glow for their pics. Went over to
the lab to get some blood drawn then had a break to wait while the
stuff absorbed into my bones. After running a few errands I went
back for my PET scan. While they are not allowed to make any
diagnoses, I have found that if I tell the technicians what I am
looking for they will bend the rules and show me my results. On this
scan it was bone lesions which show up as bright spots. There were a
few bright spots on my spine that could be easily spotted but other
things have not been ruled out.. I will wait to worry about them
until they give me the low down on the results. After that scan I
had an MRI on my abdomen done. I did not hang around for the results
on that one because I had to get to work. I am going to put in a few
days next week if I can manage them before I take yet another
vacation from the place. I have noticed lately that to much activity
makes my kidney cranky and my stomach bloat up so I will stick with
the slow days for now..
.
Nancy
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two high school sweethearts had been dating for four years, they had
enjoyed losing their virginity together, and they were inseparable
until they graduated.
They had planned on going to college together, but he was accepted
to a school on the west coast, and she was accepted to a school on
the east coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to
spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be
home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return his letters.
Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.
He didn't take this very well, so he increased the number
of phone calls, letters and e-mails in an attempt to save
their relationship.
She became very annoyed with this when she started seeing
a new fellow, and she wanted to get the old boyfriend off
her back, so she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her
new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old
boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend,
leave me alone!"
Needless to say, he was heartbroken, and very ticked off. So,... he
wrote a note on the back of her photo:
"Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm having a great time at college.
Please send more money!"
...and then mailed the picture to her parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reality Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Youngest son asked his father: "Daddy what is the difference between
"potential" and "reality"?
Dad: I will show you, Dad turned to his wife and ask her: "Would you
sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 Million Dollars? Wife answers: "Yes of
Course! I would never waste such an opportunity to be a millionaire"
Then Dad asked his daughter if she would sleep with Will Smith for 2
million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes Yes! I will, that's my fantasy"
So Dad turned to his elder son and asks him: Son, will you sleep
with Denzel Washington for 1 Million dollars? Elder Son replied: "
Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 Million dollars, I
would never hesitate!"
So the Father turns to his younger son and said: "You see
son, "POTENTIALLY" we are sitting on 4 Million dollars, But
in "REALITY" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is
English, and the teacher wants the kids to say
what they ate for breakfast and spell it. The
first girl says "toast" -- t o a s t.
The second boy says "eggs" -- e g g s.
Little Johnny says "fuckin nothing --
f u c k i n g n o t h i n g."
The teacher stands him in the corner till lunch.
After lunch Little Johnny is allowed to take his
seat.
The first class after lunch is geography.
The teacher wants to know where the Polish border
lies. Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says,
"He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got
fucking nothing for breakfast!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chief Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a big Indian Chief goes to his local pharmacy. He
goes up to the clerk and says, "Last night me fuck squaw,
left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph', condom
go BOOM!"
Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so
he grabbed some Trojans for professionals and tells the
Chief to come back and tell him how they work for him.
The next day, the big Chief comes back to the pharmacy,
goes right up to the clerk and gruffly says, "Last night
me fuck squaw, left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph',
dick go 'oomph', condom go BOOM!"
The clerk thinks to himself, "Damn, this guy must have some kind of
super ejaculation going on." So he goes into the back of the store
and gets a prototype condom for the Chief. The description on the
box reads, "This is a joint effort between Goodyear and Michelin.
This condom is steel belted and should only be used in extreme
circumstances.
The clerk hands the condom to the Chief and tells him about
the special condoms, and to report back to him on how well
they work for him.
The next day, the Chief comes back on crutches with a shotgun under
his arm. He storms up to the clerk. The clerk is thinking, "Oh Shit!
The condom must not have worked and he's really pissed."
The Chief looks at the clerk and yells, "Last night me fuck squaw!!
Left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph, condom go
'oomph, left nut go 'BOOM'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Revival Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the first night he pulled his revival meeting tent into the
Southern
town, Preacher Bob had a full house. After a long, rousing and
sweaty
revival meeting, Preacher Bob says to the crowd, "Now I know that
some
of you have been he'in and she'in without the benefit of the
sacrament
of marriage. Those of you guilty of this grievous sin are not
welcome
back in this tent until you have gotten right with Jesus."
The next night the revival tent is only half full.
After going through the same long, rousing and sweaty revival
meeting,
Preacher Bob says to the crowd, "Now I know that some of you have
been
he'in and he'in without the benefit of the sacrament of marriage.
Those
of you guilty of this grievous sin are not welcome back in this tent
until you have gotten right with Jesus."
The next night the revival tent in only one quarter full.
After going through the long, rousing and sweaty revival meeting the
third night, Preacher Bob says to the crowd, "Now I know that some
of
you have been she'in and she'in without the benefit of the sacrament
of
marriage. Those of you guilty of this grievous sin are not welcome
back
in this tent until you have gotten right with Jesus."
The next night there is only one man left in the audience. It was
ol'
Klem, a middle aged virgin due to his lack of sex appeal, even by
hillbilly standards.
Preacher Bob says, "Now brother, you should feel proud that you are
still able to come to this tent tonight. I want you to testify!
Testify how it is that you are able to join me tonight in this holy
tent!"
Klem responds, "Shit preacher, you didn't say nothin' bout me-in and
me-in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jordan, my 3-year-old son, has expressed an insatiable curiosity
about
human anatomy. This completely innocent curiosity recently led to
the
most embarrassing moment of my life!
A few weeks ago, our family chose to sit in the front
row at Mass on a Sunday. During the homily, when the
priest was speaking, Jordan decided that it would be a
good time to ask questions which he deemed
appropriate. Being 3, Jordan has not learned the
difference between whispering and speaking out loud.
Jordan (loud): "Mom, look at my penis, it's standing up!"
Mom (whispering, attempting to distract): "That's
interesting, dear. Let's read this book I brought for
you about how Jesus loves all the little children."
Jordan (louder): "But Mom, I can't get my penis to go
back down. It's coming out of my pants! Look, Dad!"
Dad: "Jordan, be quiet, we're at Mass!"
Jordan (upset now): "Mom, look at my penis!"
Justine (my 9-year-old daughter, whispering
agitatedly): "Mom, make him be quiet, take him out!"
Mom (continuing the calm and collected facade):
"Jordan, look at these great blocks Mom brought for
you to build with."
Jordan (louder): "Mom, why is it sticking up?" Then,
without waiting for an answer, Jordan began talking to
his penis.
Jordan (very loud, in a commanding voice): "Penis, go
back down where you belong and stop bugging me!"
At this point, I was trying to grab Jordan to take him
out, and at the same time cover his mouth. I heard
chuckling and laughter from the pews around us, and a
distinct break in the priest's homily as he pondered
this unexpected interruption. My daughter was hanging
her head and shaking it, and my husband mouthed the
words "Get him out of here."
My face was three shades of red as I led Jordan out
down the long aisle and listened to him continually
repeat the same inquiry: "Mom, why won't it go down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Jewel
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John w/ Remembering Elvis January 8 1935 - August 16 1977
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Movie Clips
6664
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AH L'Amour
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Castrated Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want
to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a
very
serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will
change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either
you book
me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking
very
slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand.
Heading towards
him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same
operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life
that I would like to be circumcised.
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
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beer goggles
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier's wife slipped from the garrison
And had an affair with a Tim Harrison.
She was not over-sexed
Or jealous or vexed
She just wanted to make a comparison.
There was a young fellow named Pell
Who didn't like cunt very well.
He would finger and fuck one,
But never would suck one---
He just couldn't get used to the smell.
There was a young girl from Seattle
Who got her kicks sucking off cattle,
'til a bull from the South
Popped a load in her mouth
That made both her ovaries rattle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Reasons For Getting Out of Sex
10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd
Feel I was making love to Big Foot.
7. You're 20 bucks short.
6. We're out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.
3. I can't tonight honey, I spent myself earlier
Watching all those porno's.
2. Only if you put on this wig and act like a Chinese
Hooker.
1. Your gynecologist just called. You still have crabs,
And you know I don't like seafood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why won't Hannibal eat any of the Clinton family?
Too slimy.
Why won't Hannibal eat Kathy Lee Gifford?
Doesn't like artificial sweeteners.
What is Hannibal's idea of a romantic dinner?
Eating Johnny Mathis.
Why won't Hannibal eat any hookers?
Cuz tricks are for kids.
Why does Hannibal like women in a thong?
He can eat and floss at the same time.
Why does Hannibal like Jennifer Lopez?
Rump Roast....He likes rump roast.
What flavor pizza does Hannibal like?
Delivery man.
What does Hannibal call Britney Spears?
Dinner at Hooters.
What does Hannibal call Jehovah Witnesses?
Free Delivery.
What does Hannibal call the picture of the athlete on a wheaties
box? A suggested serving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1670
Boomer
Ring Ring Ring!
BJ: Hello!
Harry (a life-long friend in Wichita): BJ, I need to visit with you
a bit.
BJ: Sure what is going on?
Harry: It's Boomer. He is very ill. He has a tumor that is
incurable.
I am going to put him down tomorrow.
BJ: I am so very sorry Harry. He is such a sweet dog. I know he
is
an older dog. (a schnauzer) He always had a great disposition.
Harry: Yeah, today and tonight I am going to spoil him. Give him
what
he wants to eat. Love him up... it is tough... I had him a long
time.
BJ: I can relate Harry. I had a lot of my companions, I can't call
them
dogs, pass through my life. I have three great ones now. These
three
are the best I have ever had. What time tomorrow will this happen?
Harry: 9:30 am.
BJ: Know that I am thinking of you and Boomer at that time.
Harry: Thanks friend.
BJ: Thank you..
Click!
The herd in Guthrie
(saying goodbye is never easy...fellow companion owners know this
so well. I cannot call us pet owners)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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