THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Since love and fear can hardly exist together,
if we must choose between them, it is far
safer to be feared than loved.
Niccolo Machiavelli
We're giving away a $250 Grocery Gift Card
http://tinyurl.com/kuqvms
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Firemen from the Sioux City area, all joined in a team
effort to rescue a young girl stuck in steel fence.
It took several hours to extract her from her predicament.
Fire Chief Stiffie said, 'This was a pretty tough rescue,
it took us quite a while to come up with a plan to
safely extract her from the fence.'
Although the girl's entrapment was never life threatening
it did take careful planning and gentle handling to safely remove her.
She was taken to an area hospital where she was examined and released..
Poor thing, this picture just about broke my heart!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________
THE COMICS
redneck lawn sprinkler
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n010.html
partnership
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n011.html
how sweet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n012.html
bartender
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n013.html
mirrors
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n014.html
Roberta's social life
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n015.html
cheatin
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n016.html
this one is for my bro in law, Jon!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n017.html
oh o!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n018.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
funny accident
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5978.html
duck
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5979.html
oops
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5980.html
nice n easy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5981.html
beach puppeteer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5982.html
________________
There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to
fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard
about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake
was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to
the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.
One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they
got that, and they took off.
In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and
said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions,
but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.
In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all
the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he
asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat
in the water yet."
______
Redneck Love Poem
Collards is green,
My dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
Jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
Right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These won't do.
Cause yore too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!
___________
A mom was driving her five year old son to McDonald's one day and
they passed a car accident. Whenever the Mom saw something terrible
like that, she would always say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so
she pointed and said to her son, "We should pray."
From the back seat she heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't
let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
___________________
Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a
front porch one day after school. Billy looked down
the street and saw a bright red Corvette. "Some day
I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes," he said.
Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and
saw a brand new Ferrari. "I'm gonna be a doctor," he said,
"so I can get me a fast Ferrari."
Little Johnny looked over at the other two and replied,
"I'm gonna learn how to suck dick when I grow up."
The other two jaws dropped. "That's what my sister does,
and she owns both of those cars," explained Little Johnny.
____________
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a bar
room disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be about
six and a half feet tall and weighed about 300 pounds.
What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy
and Mohammed Ali too. Said the policeman,"I'll bet that
you're also an escape artist, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded. "If I had some chains,"
the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you
really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why
don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
"No problem," he boasted. Once in the cuffs,
the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
_______________
PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people die of natural causes.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
BUFFALO Bill
Indian Teacher Explaining the Word *uck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/azsxa.htm
Instant Justice Mega Mix
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aqwsa.htm
Iraqi Speed Bump
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aawqs.htm
Irish Beer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajdku.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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