Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been getting a letter regarding bags of water scaring flies
away
the past few days
Zip-lock water bags
We went with some friends to Sweety Pies on Sunday for
breakfast, and we sat in the enclosed patio section beside the
house. We happened to notice a couple of zip lock baggies pinned to
a post and a wall. The bags were half filled with water, each
contained 4 pennies, and they were zipped shut. Naturally we were
curious! Ms Sweety told us that these baggies kept the flies away!
So naturally we were even more curious! We actually watched some
flies come in the open window, stand around on the window sill, and
then fly out again. And there were no flies in the eating area!
This morning I checked this out on Google. Below are comments on
this fly control idea. I'm now a believer !
Before you look Snopes has already listed it as undetermined. I
checked
Google myself and found similar stories on there with people
claiming a reduction in the flies. One thought is that the flies see
the shimmering of
the water as a movement of an enemy and try to avoid it. It also
seems to
work without the pennies and just water in a one gallon bag. You
could
put one in every door in your house for a buck so it may be worth a
try.
This reminds me of seeing gallon glass jugs of water on lawns in San
Diego.
First thought was that they were making sun tea but there was no tea
bags.
Then someone told me that if you had one in your yard your dog
wouldn't
poop there. I set out a few in a vacant lot and the number of
doggies
answering nature's call seemed to decrease but turning the neighbors
in
to animal control helped too. They weren't very nice neighbors to
begin with
and one of them decided to dump his used motor oil over our fence.
He
ended up replacing the oily fence and having three barrels of soil
dug up
and transported to a hazardous waste dump site in San Bernardino.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Story Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The professor announced to his class, "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple: each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
the
first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
____________
The following was turned in by two English students,
Rebecca and Gary.
____________
First paragraph by Rebecca:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings
at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in
happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must
now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her
asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
Second paragraph by Gary:
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things
to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic
bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation17,
transgalactic communicator, "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
Rebecca:
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before
he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers
of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War
and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's
innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully...
Gary:
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably
massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
Rebecca:
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
Gary:
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort
of SISSY TEA??!! Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!"
Rebecca:
Buttwipe.
Gary:
Cinderella.
Rebecca:
TOAD!!!
Gary:
BAG LADY!!!
Rebecca:
Get F%$%#$d.
Gary:
You wish; bite me.
Rebecca:
UP YOURS YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
Gary:
Go smoka a cigar - Monica.....
TEACHER:
A+ - I really liked this one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Siamese
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getting old
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who needs boys
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Coffee And Doughnuts
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Coffee Bitch
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Coffee Junkie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shakespeare Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Odes To Las Damas ...
"Of course, 'Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be
persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady."
"Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?"
"If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty
unknown
but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?"
"Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?"
"My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent."
"Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the
evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean."
"Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?"
"Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast
eyes upon thy beauty!"
"Wouldst thou away to yon Motel 6 with me?"
"Do me, or not do me. THAT is the question."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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French Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The greatest lovers from England, America, and France were in a
contest to determine who was the world's greatest lover.
First question was to the Englishman: "If you are on a first
date with a woman and you want to kiss her, where do you kiss
her?"
Englishman: "On her lips."
Judge: "That's right."
Second question was to the American: "If you are on a second
date with a woman and you want to kiss her, where do you kiss
her?"
American: "On her breasts."
Judge: "That's right."
Third question was to the Frenchman: "If you are on the third
date with a woman and you want to kiss her, where do you kiss
her?"
Frenchman: "Don't ask me, I missed the first two questions."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Birth Control Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most Bizarre Methods of Contraception
Back in 23-70 AD, Roman nobleman Pliny the Elder believed that if
you
took
two small worms from the body of a certain species of spider and
attached
them -- wrapped in deer skin, mind you
-- to a woman's body before sunrise, she would not conceive.
It was believed in ancient times that if a woman spat three times
into a
frog's mouth she would not conceive for a year.
Supposedly, a pebble clasped in the hand during coitus would also
stop
conception.
St. Albert the Great (1193-1280) advised women to eat bees
as an effective contraception procedure.
Aetios of Amida (fl. 527-565) suggested that a man should
wash his penis in vinegar or brine before having sex and
that a woman should wear a cat's testicle in a tube across
her navel to avoid contraception.
buffalo says That sounds like it would keep the cat from conceiving
but for it to do the woman any good she would need her husband's
testicles in the tube .
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chips Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a dumb private in a far away place called
"Grafenwehor, Germany". He was a dumb SOB, so dumb that nobody
really
liked
him. Not his fellow soldiers, Team Leader, Squad Leader, Platoon
Sergeant
nor Company 1SG. He was a real smart ass who thought he know it all.
Then one cold winter day, his company went on a tactical 12 mile
road
march
across the lovely, muddy country side of Germany. About halfway
through
the
road march, approximately 6 miles out, the weather started to change
rapidly. The temperature dropped sharply, the rain changed to show
and
the
road started to get very slippery and muddy.
With the weather getting worse minute by minute, the dumb private
started to
fall further and further back behind the company formation. As a
excuse,
he
told his Team Leader he needed to take an urgent shit. So he dropped
out
of
the formation and ran to the nearest woods until the company was out
of
sight.
Knowing the unit was now gone, he figured he could take his sweet
ass
time
walking back to base without being hassled, pushed or yelled at to
keep
up
with the company. While walking the same road as his unit was on, he
came
upon a large cow pasture that looked like it would be a short cut
back
to
base. He decided to take a chance by cutting across the field,
hoping
that
it would get him home sooner.
As he started to walk across the field, he soon realized that the
snow
was
beginning to get deeper and deeper and much more difficult to walk
in.
Before long, he started to get very tired and exhausted and know
then
that
he made a serious mistake trying to cross the field. He decided to
turn
around and try to get back to the road.
Due to the heavy snow fall and wind, his tracks were quickly covered
over
and he soon lost his way back to the road. Feeling extremely weak,
he
collapsed to the ground. The dumb private thought for sure he was a
goner
and that no one would ever find him in the snow storm.
Suddenly, out of nowhere came a large herd of cows walking across
the
field.
The dumb private said to himself "Great, if I don't freeze to death,
I'll be
trampled to death by a bunch of cows". But the private was lucky,
they
didn't walk on him, instead they just shit on him as they passed
overhim.
Feeling the fresh warm cow shit on top of him, the private started
to
warm
up again. In fact, he was feeling so much better....that he started
to
laugh
aloud at the situation he had gotten himself into.
Then suddenly, in one swift sweep, he was grabbed by the collar,
jerked
and
shaken to his feet and given a first class royal ass chewing by his
Platoon
Sergeant and Company 1SG. And when they got back to the barracks
they
put
him on latrine detail for a week.
The moral of this story is:
1. Anyone who happens to shit on you, is not always out to get you.
2. Anyone who happens to get you out of shit, is not always your
friend.
3. And if you're warm and happy in shit, keep your mouth shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Church Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was walking down a dirt road one Sunday afternoon when
he met a little girl going in the same direction.
"Hello," said the little boy.
"Hi," replied the little girl. "Where are you going?"
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,"
"Me too. I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go
to?"
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill."
After they'd walked a short distance together they came to a low
spot
in the road where rains had partially flooded the road. There was no
way they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive,"
said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
"I tell you what I think I'll do. I'm gonna pull off all my clothes
and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea. I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing in the sun waiting to
dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy
remarked ... "You know, I never did realize before just how much
difference there really is between Baptists and Methodists."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Friends Always
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The Caregiver
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Marlene-DUST ON THE BIBLE-New Gospel Music Page
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Watermelon And Egg Art!
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Surfin Surfari Via Wesley
Color Test
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Odd Things in Wrong Places !
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Vending Machines
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Famous Restaurant Recipes
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Perl Scripts
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Midi Music
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Guide To Computer Hardware Via Wesley
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Movie Clips
Geisha
http://www.buffalos
Gotcha
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GPS Moses
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G Spot
http://www.buffalos
Happy Hump Day
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Tail Of Two Brains
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Taxi Please
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Woman Filling Gas
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Terrific Illusion
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Thank You Troops Edited
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Text Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wedding Text Messages ............
The Bureau of Meteorology forecasts rainstorms so the bride can
expect a few good inches overnight.
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch installments.
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to prove it."
Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in
womans
sink.
Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and
Groom Mounted.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and
She'll last for many years.
Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone
to
the woman next door.
Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was
on her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an
Off-
Spring next Spring.
Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass,
One
long hard route.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you
Frisky,
but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Travel Agency to Bride:
The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I
express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation
and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving
you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation
to
the population.
Football coach to bride:
If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him
off.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Spain
Whose face was excessively plain
But her cunt had a pucker
That made the men fuck'er
Again and again and again.
____________
There was a young lady of Spain
Who took down her pants on a train.
There was a young porter
Who saw more than he orter,
And asked her to do it again.
____________
There once was a fellow McSweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A window cleaner goes to a monastery looking for work.
The Abbot hires him but tells him to clean all the windows except
the
top three.
So the window cleaner cleans all the windows except the top three
for
years and years until curiosity finally gets the better of him.
He puts his ladder up against the first of the three windows and
looks in.
He sees 12 monks with their robes up and their cocks lying on a
table
with a mouse running around on top of the table.
The window cleaner goes down the ladder moves to the second window
and looks in.
There he sees a beautiful woman and a monk in bed screwing like mad.
The window cleaner goes down the ladder and puts it up against the
third window.
He looks in and sees a monk tied up, stripped to the waist being
flogged.
He climbs down the ladder, but when he gets to the bottom the Abbot
is waiting for him.
The window cleaner says, "Look, I know your going to fire me, but
please, at least tell me what is going on up there."
"Well," says the Abbot, "in the first window you saw a competition
to
see which is the lucky monk.
Wherever the mouse stops is the lucky monk. And in the second window
you saw a monk with the prize."
"But what about the third window?" the window cleaner asks.
"Well," says the Abbot, "that monk was caught with a piece of cheese
in his foreskin."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around
the
house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's
liable
to
break something, but the boy continues.
'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to break
something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping
center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for
the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet
where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge, A
diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and
SPLASH, out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's
seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls
her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation,
but
he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on
his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he
takes
out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP!
The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls,
etc. 'Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks. He says, 'I've
been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time
I've ever actually seen a fart !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1682
A Dog Like Sandi
BJ is writing at his desk when Sandi approaches him...
Sandi: What are you doing Daddy?
BJ wipes away a few tears: Oh nothing.
He gets up and walks away.
Sandi jumps up in the chair and starts to read.
A Dog Like Sandi
In the Heavens far above, the Master called forth his Angel and
said, "See that man below? His father was an alcoholic, his mother
was less than loving. He had no brothers or sisters. His first
marriage
was a disaster, then his next marriage his wife died of cancer. He
is a
kind and loving man, but he needs love. Find me The Special Angel."
Angel: The Special Angel?
Master: Yes. I want to send The Special Angel down to be this
man's
companion.
A few moments later The Special Angel appeared. The Special Angel
was different than the other Angels. The Special Angel was a dog.
Master: Listen to me Special Angel. I am sending you down to be
that
man's companion for life. I want you to give all you have for him,
your
love, your unconditional love, hold nothing back.
Special Angel: I have been waiting ages for this moment Master.
Master: Then go.
On Earth... A puppy is born...in the wild. Discarded and not cared
for.
Later the lonely puppy finds a home with the man whose destiny
it is to have A Dog Like Sandi.
Sandi closes the notebook and wipes away a tear. Sure it is just a
story, sure it is written to compliment her. She walks out to the
back
yard where the moonlight shines upon her collie hair and the glow
about her shines so. Is that a pair of wings spouting from her
back?
The herd in Guthrie
(Once I had a dream..I visited Heaven and Sandi was my guide. She
glowed and we communicated with our minds, it was an experience)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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