Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Nancy is out of the hospital and resting at home. I called the
hospital to check on her this morning and a woman answered
the phone, sounding very much like my sister Mary. We chatted for
a few seconds doing the Hi, How are you? thing, when the woman
told me that she was there alone and was cleaning the room. I
thanked her and said good bye. So then I dialed Nancy's land line
to make sure she had actually been released. I have the kind
of family where someone will pull a joke with their last dying gasp
heh heh.
The sun finally poked its head out today with the temperatures in
the low 40's overnight. I was debating taking down my fan and
close the window but it looks like we will have a few more warm
days next week so I'll deal with a little more cold before I have
to close up my cave for winter because it will be a long time
till next spring.
Last week of freedom for most school kids so everyone enjoy.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lost Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a stormy Christmas night, and inside the tiny cottage on the
Yorkshire moors, an elderly couple sat around a roaring fire.
Suddenly
there was a knock at the door. The old man answered it, and found a
very
bedraggled man, exhausted and shivering.
"Thank God you're in," said the stranger. "I've been walking for
hours.
I'm lost, and the snow is so deep. Can I rest here for a while?"
"Why certainly," replied the old man. "Come and sit by the fire."
The
stranger gratefully accepted the invitation. As he walked in to the
lounge, he saw the old lady, and beside her an attractive
19-year-old
blonde.
"I'm Walter, by the way," said the old man. "This is my wife Mary
and my
daughter Ida who's come to stay for Christmas."
After a glass of whiskey, the old man said, "Well, it's getting
late,
and I suggest we all retire. I'm afraid that all the beds are taken,
but
you're welcome to sleep on the sofa." The young man said, 'Thank
you'
and lay down.
About an hour later, Walter was lying in bed, and turned to his
wife,
and said, "It's a very cold night. I'll see if that young man would
like
a blanket."
So he went into the lounge, and asked, "Would you like a blanket,
young
man?"
"Oh no, Walter I'm fine."
"Well, what about a hot water bottle?"
"No, no, there's really no need," he replied.
"Alright, then, how about having our eiderdown?"
"My God, you certainly know how to look after strangers," he gasped.
"She's been down twice already."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonanza Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hop Sing was a cook on the Ponderosa Ranch. All the cowboys loved to
poke fun at him because, being Chinese, he had a pigtail and wore a
funny hat. He also couldn't speak English very well.
The cowboys used to put live snakes and frogs in his bed and pulled
on his pigtail, just to tease him. Hop Sing, however, never
complained and kept on working. He was a good sport.
One day, the cowboys got together and said, "This Hop Sing is really
a nice guy, we shouldn't be so mean to him." They decided to
apologize to him for the many years of abuse.
They went to Hop Sing as a group and said, "Hop Sing, we are very
sorry for being so mean to you throughout the years. You are really
a
nice guy.
From now on, we are going to be nice to you. There will be no more
pigtail-pullin' and there will be no more snakes in your bed."
"Good, good," said Hop Sing, overjoyed. "No more snake in the bed,
then no more piss in the soup!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sailor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month
voyage.
Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship,
so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer
her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers.
She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was
refused time and time again.
Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that
although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could
always try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too
much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie
there
passively.
He found Mabel and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to
accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but
told him not to expect any kind of response from her.
Dave began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to
find an arm reaching around his back. This was followed shortly
after
by a leg curling round his rear. Dave , who had always fancied
himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to
resist my charms."
"Don't flatter yourself lover boy," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying
on the sneakers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his
girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount
in
the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down
on
the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty
people
surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to
convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone
asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured
the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle
of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as
Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you
crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle
at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine
them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of
geographic
location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When
you
return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear.
Put
one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell
both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small
distance
in geographic location makes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bike Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two ministers rode their bikes to the park every Monday to discuss
that
Sunday's sermon.
One Monday the first minister asked the second minister where his
bike
was.
The second minister said that he thought one of his congregation had
stolen his bike.
"That's terrible!", said the first minister. "Who could have done
it?"
"Well...", the second minister says, "I don't know but it must be
one of
them cuz I remember riding my bike to church last week and now it's
gone!"
"I have an idea", says the first minister; "Next Sunday, preach on
the
Ten Commandments. When you get to the part about Thou Shalt Not
Steal,
really lay it on thick and whoever took your bike will feel bad and
give
it back!"
Next Monday the second minister rides up on his bike and the first
minister says, "See, my idea worked after all. I see you got your
bike
back!"
"Yeah," says the second minister, "I got my bike back. Yesterday I
started preaching about the Ten Commandments like you said. I got to
the part about Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and then I remembered
where I left my bike!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why men drink...hahahaha
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you're not, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you're not, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk .
AARRRRGH!
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Color of Love
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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"Sharing What's Good"
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I Dreamed I Stood AT Calvary
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Thoughts For Today
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Surfin Surfari
How To Solve the Rubik's Cube in 25 Seconds
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Fellowship With Darkness
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Crazy Facts
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Passports
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Movie Clips
High Blood Pressure
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How Far Will A Condom Stretch
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How A Blonde Pole Dances
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HUH? What's Going on? Playing Footsie!
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Hummer Oh Shit
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Thank God I'm A Country Boy
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The Real Stars - Tom
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The Crash
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The Duck And The Dog
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The Front Fell Off
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And my ex accused me of not liking sex!" "He did?" "But it's not
true! I do so enjoy sex! Just not with him!"
An Alabama redneck was sittin' on the sofa, with his half naked
woman,
watching the news from San Francisco. "Jus' look at them homo-
sexshuals. They're ruining the country. with men marryin' men, and
women marryin' women. It's disgustin. Darlin', we oughta' go out
there
and protest! Don't you think so?" She replied, "Yes, Daddy.
The waitress at the Greek beanery married the boss, and they seemed
quite happy. But one day she sued him for divorce. Her charge: He
was
indifferent.
While it might be considered somewhat, er, shall we say 'outre',"
the
physician told the inquiring husband, "I don't see any real harm
from
your wife's night-creaming her genital area with various whipped
edible varieties." "But Doc!" the man persisted. "I'm already 30
pounds overweight."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
brake for animals
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break time
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I once met a beautiful Persian
A shy one who needed coercion;
So I gave her a smile
And she thought for a while,
Then allowed me to make an insertion.
There was a young spaceman from Venus
Who had a prodigious penis.
Cried his girlfriend, "Alas,
It just came out my ass
And there's still 15 inches between us!"
Karl K
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hunter took his friend to hunt on property of a farmer that he
knew.
The second hunter didn't know that the first hunter knew the farmer.
Hunter A went up to the farmhouse to advise the farmer that they
would
be hunting, and the farmer asked his hunter friend to shoot the
brown
bull in the back field, because it was about to die anyway, and he'd
like to put it out of it's misery. Hunter A returned to the car and
drove around the outside of the farm and stopped on the other side,
thinking he'd pull a little trick on hunter B. He told him "That
cheap
SOB wouldn't let us hunt, so I'm going to get even," got out of the
car,
pulled his gun and shot the bull. "I just shot his bull, see how the
cheap SOB likes that," he exclaimed. As he was getting back into the
car, hunter B jumped out of the car, pulled his gun and fired too.
"Yeah, and I got one of his horses!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Older brother, Joe, was giving advice to his younger brother, Kevin,
on
how
to have sex with a girl. Joe didn't know how to explain it him with
out
being too graphic. So he told him in terms of money because Joe knew
money.
So in terms of directions Joe told Kevin you want to look at a
girl's
crotch
like money. The top is a quarter, the left is a nickel, the right is
a
dollar, and the bottom is a dime. So Kevin goes and thinks about
this.
Kevin and his girlfriend finally decide to have sex, so he uses the
advice
his brother gave him. He starts out real slow going "quarter....
nickel....,dime.
saying
it in his mind faster "quarter..,nickel.
even
faster saying "quarter,nickel,
nearing
orgasm and he starting screaming out loud "Buck forty, Buck forty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1683
Prince Valium
After another night of violent thunderstorms and lightening poor
Rudy was in a pitiful state.
BJ: Diana, Rudy during the storm last night just cannot get close
enough to me. I am afraid that as he gets older, this could affect
his health.
Diana: Have you considered calling the vet? Perhaps they could
offer a mild sedative that we could give before the storms arrive.
BJ: Great idea.
BJ phones the vet and is pleasantly surprised to find out the
medicine
is both available and inexpensive.
BJ: What is odd, as he gets older, he becomes more frightened and
yet he lived through this when he was wild.
Diana: Do not forget, he is a different doggie now. He is
domesticated,
spoiled.
BJ: I wonder if lightening stuck close to him once when he was
living
wild?
Diana: We will never know. We just need to fix him now.
BJ: Poor Rudy, I give him medicine daily for his thyroid, I have
meds
for his pain for when his hips hurt, now meds for storms. He is
going
to need his own medicine chest.
Diana: I am just glad we found each other, else he would be a dead
doggie.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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