Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The buffalo is broken again. I spent the day in bed with a bad back.
It's been a little over a year since I put it out last time and I
have
been pushing the limits lately and last night I crossed them. I was
going to run out and pick up some soda for Sandy and one of my
shoes was stuck under a leg of Eva's Pack and Play. I was bent over
picking up with one hand and trying to free the shoe with the other
and
I felt a twinge in my back. I got in the Jimmy and drove to the
Admiral
Station three miles away. When I went to jump out it felt like
someone
stabbed me in the back and I went into the store listing heavily to
the
starboard side and gritting my teeth. Unfortunately they were out of
Cherry Coke and I had no desire to stop elsewhere so Sandy never
got her soda and as it was past midnight I went to bed. I spent the
rest of the night trying to find a comfortable position to lie in
and
dreading getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. I did get up
several times today for an hour or so at a time to clean out my
email and my back is more stiff and sore now than anything with
only a small sharp twinge when I get out of bed.
Enjoy the chips, I still have a smile on my face so I am ok.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got
ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took
his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the
forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch.
The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open,
and the tooth was easily removed.
"Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist.
"Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the
root went that deep!"
My wife said " Honey, go get a dozen condoms, I'm horny! I said,
"Great Darling, I'll be right back.
When I got back, she said "Thanks" and walked out the door.
"Johnny," the teacher started, "do you know what 'paranoia' means?"
"It's not a word, teach, it's several words," Johnny replied.
"Whatever do you mean by that?"
"It's like when you go into a restaurant and a well endowed waitress
with a low cut uniform reaches in front of you and says, 'does my
pair annoy ya'?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
bad wish
http://www.thepostm
in case of fire
http://www.thepostm
tongue twisters
http://www.thepostm
Choc-snow
http://www.sydesjok
Choices
http://www.sydesjok
Choking Hazard
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
African Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This British explorer is in the dark jungle,
going where no Western man has gone before.
Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter,
cook, and troubleshooter in one. One day early in
the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a
handsome dark young man engaged in "playful
activities" with ten beautiful, dark, young women,
all in the nude. The young man had the biggest,
strongest male unit the Britisher had ever seen, or
even imagined. He was simply awed. He asked
his guide who this man was.
"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other
side of the lake, Sir," came the reply. "This is his
morning ritual."
"Ask him," the awed Brit said to his companion,
"How did his member get to be this size?"
The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man,
who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.
"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his
assistant on his return.
"He said, 'There's nothing wrong with my penis.
Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Compliment Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said.
"I'm
really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is
compliment
her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of
your
hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black
eye.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that
for
such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile
I
started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts
they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I
got
her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another
compliment."
"What did you say?"
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he
would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at
the club house, he was told that the only way he could
play today was if he was willing to play along with
three nuns.
He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. At the
first hole he said, "After you," but the nuns insisted
that he go first.
He took a giant swing and sliced it into a nearby
bunker. "Goddammit!" he said.
"Oh, my, please refrain from using that kind of
language around us." said the nun.
"I'm so sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again."
The nun gets up to the tee and her ball travels about
twenty yards, hits a tree, and bounces back behind
them. "Well shit, goddamn, hell, fuck!" exclaims the
nun.
"Hey, what did you tell me about that?" asks the man.
"Yeah, well, you didn't hit a fuckin' tree!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Red Riding Hood: A Russian condom.
I got up at halftime and went into the bathroom to make room for
some
more beer. When I came out my wife said, "Did you wash your hands?"
I
said, "No. Why make such a big deal about it?" "Well, you went to
the
bathroom, your hands are dirty," she complained, "Go back and wash
them!" "I don't know what you're complaining about, I didn? t touch
anything in there you haven't had in your mouth!" I slept on the
couch
that night.
Don't let your affection give you an infection.
Put some protection on that erection.
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine
husband
called home to tell me he would be late again. He went on to say
that
dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and
they
had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing
that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous
post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something
trivial. My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained,
"Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been
cleaned."
Gay Man's Motto: My body is a temple. With ample parking in the
rear.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bumper stickers seen on Marine Corps Base
"U.S. Marines -- Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating
Club"
" Water-boarding is out so kill them all!"
"Interrogators can't water board dead guys"
" U.S. Marines -- Travel Agents To Allah"
"Stop Global Whining"
"When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine" Naval Corollary; Dead men don't
testify.
"The Marine Corps -- When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be
Destroyed Overnight"
"Death Smiles At Everyone -- Marines Smile Back"
"Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!"
"What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? .... A little Recoil"
"Marines -- Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For
their Country Since 1775"*
"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"
"Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon"
"It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden -- It's Our Job To Arrange The
Meeting"
"Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Brawl"
"One Shot, Twelve Kills -- US Navy Gun Fire Support"
"Do draft dodgers Have Reunions? If So, What Do They Talk About?"
"My kid fought in Iraq so your kid can party in college"
"Machine Gunners -- Accuracy by Volume"
"A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy -- Blessed Be The Peacemakers"
"If You Can Read, Thank A Teacher. If You Can Read It In English,
Thank A Veteran"
"Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, WAR has
Never Solved Anything.*
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a
difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem."
- Ronald Reagan
Heather
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Nobodys Darlin'
http://silverandgol
FAITH CONQUERS ALL
http://www.wtv-
John w/ Return To Me
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Carol w/Childhood Friend
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Friendship
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Surfin Surfari
The Flea Circus Research Library Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Habitat for Humanity Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
HydroElectric Power~How it Works
http://wwwga.
Teen
http://www.teenmag.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley
Memeo Send
http://xrl.in/
Find the ISP and Country of Origin Via Wesley
http://aruljohn.
Coding Tips
www.refactormycode.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
http://www.cybersal
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Movie Clips
Candid Camera Africa
http://www.buffalos
Clean Your Glasses
http://www.buffalos
Dimitri The Stud
http://www.buffalos
DNA Test
http://www.buffalos
Dronkrn
http://www.buffalos
Microsoft No More Keyboards
http://www.buffalos
Monkey's helping Hands
http://www.buffalos
Moose family
http://www.buffalos
More Fishing With Bill Dance
http://www.buffalos
Mortar Fire
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment
for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all
my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would
it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he
went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate
and the will. The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please
tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be
distributed under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,
I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to
be distributed?
The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive
life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to
notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have
a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting
impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But
tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the
remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've
lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept
with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to
arrange for a man to sleep with me."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but
I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you." That
evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric
spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she
could do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing,
she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.
She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the
car until you're finished." The next morning, she drove him to the
spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited
for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the
car horn.
Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck
his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow! She's going to
let the County bury her!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
http://www.buffalos
bed
http://www.buffalos
beer goggles
http://www.buffalos
before sex
http://www.buffalos
bitchin head
http://www.buffalos
bite my ass
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A critic refused, as reviewer,
To read the obscene and impure;
He soon left the scene
For the books that were clean,
just kept getting fewer and fewer.
____________
I once loved a woman named Gert,
Who climbed mountain peaks in a skirt,
She said, "It feels nice,
On the steep rocks and ice,
And it keeps those below more alert!"
____________
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE LEGEND LIVES ON
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making
babies, so she had "the talk" with him. Afterwards Little
Johnny just sat there silently for awhile.
"Do you understand?" his mother asked.
"Yes," replied Little Johnny.
"Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother.
"Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little
Johnny.
"In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom.
"Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will fuck
ANYTHING!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The drunk asked where he could find a house of prostitution.
He got the right number but remembered it wrong and tried to get
into a
home where a woman was leaning over the sink washing dishes.
The drunk rushed over, threw her on the floor and began making love
to
her. Her husband, in an adjoining room, heard the ruckus.
He ran to the kitchen, grabbed the drunk and proceeded to beat him
to a
pulp before throwing him out the door.
The drunk looked up at him from the driveway and said,
"Boy, you sure got a lot to learn about running a whorehouse!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1671
In Memory of Boomer for my
Friend Harry Simpson
The Touch of the Master's Hand
My Master has loved me from the first day. My Master has
provided all I need in this life. My Master has fed me, played
with me and loved me in more ways than I can describe.
But the one thing I loved the most was the touch of my Master's
hand. His touch calmed, soothed and comforted me.
During the storms, when I was ill, my Master's touch would
give me peace and comfort. When I played too hard in my Master's
house and broke something, the Master just gave me a gentle
touch to let me know all was well. I nuzzle my Master's hand
because of the calming touch and when I am tired at day's end.
As the years wore on, I became much older. I became sick
more and more, yet my Master was there and His hands fed me
and stroked me. His eyes looked at my dimming eyes with tears
of love. One day, I was too tired to get up, too sick to play. My
Master picked me up with His hands and took me to the vet.
As the life left me, I looked at my Master, His eyes were wet
with tears, and yet He still gave me all the comfort He could with
His touch of His hands. Life left me. When I opened my eyes,
and saw the fields before me, my heart leaped. I felt well and
wanted to play. Before me was a man, He reached out and petted
me, it was just like my Master. This Master and His hands healed
me. He spoke to me and said, "This is your place, go play and
wait, one day your Master will lay His hands on you again."
A long time later, I do not know if it was years, or months, or
even days. I lay sleeping in the meadow before the cool, running
stream, when I awoke. My head was in the lap of someone
and being petted. I kept my eyes closed, yet I had tears running
from my eyes.... it was the touch of my Master's Hand.
B.J. Cassady
Guthrie, Oklahoma
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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