Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
After the TOPS meeting Thurs. night I took a run out to Nancy's to
see how she was doing after her biopsy. She was doing all right but
with the combination of her pain killers and the lingering effects
of the anesthesia she reminded me of a kitten coming home from the
vet after being fixed. They are still so loaded they can't even
stand up and they have an idea they can jump up on their favorite
shelf but when they try they only make
it half way and then fall on the floor most ungracefully.
Fortunately
Nancy doesn't sleep on a shelf and she didn't look like she
was going anywhere.
When I got back home I felt like a nap but Sandy was right there
asking about me making a chili cheese corn dog casserole. She had
also taken out a package of hamburger and a tube of
chorizo to go with it. I already had chili from the night before and
adding any more meat to it would have been overkill. So I threw the
chili in a cast iron Dutch oven along with a package of
hot dogs, covered it with a layer of shredded cheese and then a
box of Jiffy corn muffin mix on top and then into the oven for 45
minutes and then uncover to brown the corn bread.
The Chorizo was still partly frozen so it went back into the fridge
for chorizo and egg burritos this morning. The hamburger was already
thawed so as the casserole baked I fried the hamburger and an onion
up and added a jar of spaghetti sauce. I figured that I would put
that away for Sat night as Sandy had chicken ready for Fri. supper.
Everything went as planned until I discovered the 14 lb. turkey
sitting in the sink thawing which will move spaghetti out to Sunday.
I have to take the blame for this one though. Sandy had suggested
cooking a turkey soon and I had agreed. I should have asked how
soon?
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the first day of Kindergarten, Johnnie's
teacher asked the students to count to 50.
Many of them did very well, some getting
as high as 37. But Johnnie did extremely well;
he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes.
At home he told his Dad how well he had done.
Dad told him, "That's because you are from
Texas, son."
The next day, in language class, the teacher asked
students to recite the alphabet. Some made it to the
letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid
them again. He made it all the way through, missing
only the letter "m".
That evening he once again brought his Dad up to
date and Dad explained to him, "That's because you
are from Texas, son".
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were
taking showers. Johnnie noted that, compared to the
other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed"
This confused him. That night, he asked his Dad,
"Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times
bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Texas?"
"No, son, "explained Dad, "That's because you're 18!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Climbing The Corporate Ladder
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Clinton Apes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went for piano lessons when I was a young man... I loved the
finger
exercises, but then my instructor would put on her clothes and say
the
lesson was over. It wasn't until many years later that I discovered
that I was going into the wrong building... The Music school was
right
next door to a bordello... I can't play squat on the piano... but
boy,
can I finger!
There was a club in New York called the G-Spot. If you can't find it
you can't come.
One day while a man was working he cut off the end of his finger
while
panicking he calls his wife and says, "Honey, I need to go to the
hospital. I cut off my finger." The wife replies "Your whole
finger?"
The man replies "No, the one next to it."
What's the difference between a hemotologist and a urologist? A
hemotologist pricks your finger.
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for
some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to
her,
placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up
and
slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm
sorry,. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why
you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" she screamed. "That's
really odd," he muttered, "You even sound exactly like her."
When I travel on an airplane, I like to be served TWA milk and TWA
coffee. But I love to be served TWA tea. (Richard Lederer)
Stan Kegel
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four old duffers are pounding their balls around the links
when a sudden thunderstorm pops up. >>ZAP<< A bolt of
lightning kills all four in one stroke. Soon, they find
themselves at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter is all upset, papers flying in the air, "You guys
aren't supposed to be here yet. It's not your time! I'll
tell ya what...I can put you all back on Earth to finish out
your days, but you have to decide how. That is, everyone
down there already knows you're all dead, so I can't send
you back as who you were. Figure it out amongst yourselves
and I'll check back with you later."
Some time goes by and St. Peter returns, "Well, have you
decided how you want to go back?"
One of the golfers steps forward, "St. Peter, we've decided
that we all want to go back to earth as lesbians."
"LESBIANS!" St. Peter shouts, "why lesbians?"
"Well, sir, we all love to eat pussy and we wanna hit from
the red tees."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Insect Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Yankee salesman was traveling through the
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farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my
bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I
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a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole
case from you."
The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and
he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with
the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the
house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer
and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure
enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds,
not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on
him. The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "now,
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What the devil happened?"
He looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "My
God, Mister, doesn't that calf have a mother?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between a geneologist & a gynecologist? A
geneologist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your
family bush!
A Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's going
home for Rosh Hashanah. The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is
this the holiday when you light the candles?" "No," the Jewish girl
replies, "That's Hannukah." The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish
girl, "Is that when you eat unleavened bread?" "No," the Jewish girl
replies, "That's Passover. Rosh Hashanah is the holiday when we blow
the shofar." The Catholic girl replies, "That's what I like about
you
Jews, you're so good to your help."
Many secretaries are unsuited for their work.
The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some
Viagra,
but he doesn't want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it
for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription.
Home
is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the
little
blue pills. When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife
with words. That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes. They tear off
each
others clothes and are quickly in bed. He manages to "rise to the
occasion three times." "Three times!" He expects his wife to be
delighted, but instead, she seems rather sad. "What's wrong, dear?"
he
asks "I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and
it's doing you in," she sighs. "What do you mean?" "I mean, even our
sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages, and then three
come all at once!"
When a woman talks about waiting for the "right time," she's not
referring to a commercial break.
Stan Kegel
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Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he
visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs.
The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the
biggest,meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the
owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.
After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came
upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing
at the cage.
"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.
"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something
better in mind for you."
They continued walking around the premises, and after a while
they found an even larger,meaner dog than the first.
He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire
on his cage.
"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to
earlier."
"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for
you."
The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly
large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his ass.
He did not seem to notice as the men approached.
"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.
The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed.
"This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack
dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his ass!"
"I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a
lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Movie Clips
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Niggar Family
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy
said
he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irish man and
tapped
him on the shoulder. 'Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.'
'Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.'
Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. 'I told him St.
Patrick was a sissy and he didn't care!'
'You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn.' The
second
English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder.
'I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!
'Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you.'
Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies.
'Your
right, he is unshakable!'
The third English man said, 'No, no, no, I will really piss
him off, you
just watch.'
The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on
the shoulder
and said, 'I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!'
'Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a woman from Timbuktu
who was still a virgin at twenty two
till her boyfriend came along
and pumped her all night long
now she's at home with a baby named lulu.
~~~~
There once was this guy called Mike,
who met this chick he really liked,
He tried to get near,
and she gave him a sneer,
cause the chick was a full-fledged dyke.
~~~~
There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son often leaves yellow sticky messages for me on my computer
monitor, things like "I need pencils" or "PTA wants money"... All
manner of semi-important things I generally need reminding of get
posted this way. It works. I usually take care of the message right
away, or by days end if at all possible. One day I went to the
computer and found a yellow Post-it with the following note; "My
Dixie wrecked." I read it a few times but whatever it meant refused
to sink in. I tried putting it out of my mind but it kept coming
back. My Dixie wrecked, my dixie wrecked... Wierd how that puzzling
note refused to leave my awareness...
back of my mind and play over and over but never would it leave. I'd
bring it to the front of my attention and review it closely; My
Dixie wrecked... Hmmm....I got up for coffee and muttered to myself;
"My Dixie wrecked" I wonder what that means? I even said it out loud
a few times; "My Dixie wrecked! What's the meaning of that? I even
asked my Mom; I said to her; "My Dixie wrecked. What does that mean?
I'd change the accents; my-dixie-Wrecked. My-dixie-wrecked.
My-Dixie-wrecked. It was driving me nuts. My son finally got home
from school and I blurted out... "My Dicks Erect! What the hell does
that mean?" My son is such a creep. Sometimes I think he's even
better than me.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paul and I were talking one day when Paul says, "I went to see the
doctor the other day for that pain in my back."
"So what happened?" I asked.
"Well, he ran a bunch of tests, gave me some pills and sent me home.
Told me to stay in bed for a week. He also told me to sit down
whenever I had to pee. Can you imagine that? A grown man having to
sit to pee?"
"Why would he want you to sit to pee?" I asked.
"Well", said Paul, "With my bad back, he doesn't want me picking up
anything too big."
buffalo says I know the feeling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1674
Katie, Alas Katie
Katie: Father, come look I have more inventions!
BJ: Okay what do you have for me today.
Katie: First I have this wonderful invention, a Black Highlighter.
BJ: Hmm, think about that Katie...when you highlight something in
black...
Katie: Oh, that is why I haven't seen any black highlighters at the
store. Yet there may be a market if you write in yellow!
BJ: You never know... next.
Katie: An inflatable dart board. It is portable.
BJ: Think about that...one dart and ka-pow! It is gone.
Katie: Well, you could use it in the dark.
BJ: Next.
Katie: Clear correction fluid. I have not seen anyone use that
before.
BJ: There is a reason for that Katherine. If you use it, you could
still see the errors.
Katie: Why must you be so negative?
To be continued
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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