Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been watching the progress of the first Hurricane of the
season, not out of worry of being affected but because it is named
Bill. I know the names repeat after awhile but this is the first
time I have seen one with my name especially since they all used to
be named after women. One side of me is saying I hope
no one is injured, while the other side of me would like to see the
storm of the century. At least I am a Category 3, not one of
those tropical storms that floods Haiti and then drops of the map.
Yoda and Eva have become best buddies and it's been awhile since
Yoda has swatted her. This morning Eva was trying to put a dress on
Yoda's tail
and she decided that was below her status as Queen cat and she
headed under the bed and put an end to that activity.. About 15
minutes later they were back playing together.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was playing in his room
when his dad walked in and explained
that he and his mom were getting a divorce.
"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little
Johnny.
"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother
and I are no longer in love."
Now more confused, Little Johnny asked,
"What does being in love mean?"
The father explained, "Let me give you
an example, son. Love is when a husband
rushes home from a long day at work to
embrace and kiss his wife at the door.
Your mom and I have lost that love..."
Then little Johnny said, "But Daddy,
I see Mommy getting excited lots of times
right when you come home, so she must
still be in love with you."
The father was rather confused with his son's
statement since he had personally never
experienced this as of late. "I don't understand,
son. When has your mother recently been
excited when I arrive home from work?"
Little Johnny replied, "Well, sometimes when
Mommy is still playing in bed with the neighbor,
and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at
the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home!
My husband's home!!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I wanted this job
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coming soon to a movie theater near you
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the pharmacy
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Cigarette Sex
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Circus Cutbacks
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City Public Works
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lighter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl who was a heavy smoker invested in a cigarette lighter
to economize in matches. After a short time it began to give her
trouble. So she spoke to a gentleman who had one, having just seen
him light a cigarette with it and put it in his pocket.
She: "Now be a dear, and tell me about that thing you have there in
your trousers."
He: (Misunderstanding her and feeling a bit embarrassed) "I'm not
used to discussing such things with ladies."
She: "Now there is no need to be shy. Tell me, how does yours work?
Do you jerk it up and down?"
He: "Oh, sometimes...
She: "Then it's different from mine, mine just opens and shuts. Do
you rub yours up and down until something comes?"
He: "Oh yes, especially in cold weather."
She: "Have you ever tried pulling your wick and dipping it?"
He: "No, most certainly not!"
She: "Oh. You should, it does it good. You never soaked it before
then?"
He: "Of course I haven't."
She: "You should try it then sometimes, it takes the stiffness out
of it."
He: "Er, well... I'm afraid that you are a naughty girl."
She: (Thinking he referred to smoking) "Oh, every girl does it now a
days anyway. What about your wick, is it a long one?"
He: "Yes, it is rather on the long side."
She: "I think I will have to try a bigger one because the one I use
does not seem to go far enough to do any good. Does yours gored on
the end when it's dry?"
He: "Yes."
She: "So does mine. In the past mine has been giving me much
trouble. Would you like to have a look at it?"
He: "No no, not now. We had better wait until it's dark."
She: "Don't be ridiculous, you can see much better in the daylight.
It has been leaking these past few days so I have put a rag around
it. I'll unwind it now (opening her handbag and producing her
lighter). Look, here it is (dashing her lighter). It has run out
again, damn... now I'll have to go back to matches."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
First Time Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I paid my $125 and she asked me to wash my hands.
I guess you can never be too safe in the '90s.
She led me into a quiet, comfortable enclave highlighted with a
myriad of mirrors and asked me to sit. It was my first time and she
knew it. I'll admit, I was nervous.
I got a little more on edge when she pulled out a white bottle and
poured its contents into a small container. I had been told by my
pals a lubricant of some sort was necessary. I guess she could see
in my eyes I didn't have a clue what was about to happen. So, to
calm my nerves, she went over everything first. She showed me, as
best she could, how I was to prepare myself before putting it in.
She even warned me that most first-timers fear they'll encounter
immediate discomfort and wind up pulling it out seconds later. None
of this made me feel any more confident. It was at that point I
sheepishly informed her I wasn't sure I'd be able to go through with
it. After all, it was on the insistence of my buddies that finally I
phoned her up and requested her services.
"It'll feel like the weight of the world is off your back after you
do it the first time," they said. "It's about time you became a
man," urged another, "it'll be the best day of your life." After a
few deep breaths and some uncomfortable chit-chat, I gave it the ol'
college try. With my left hand propping open my target and my right
index finger in the ready position, I took my first plunge.
Rejected. The young lady looked at me immediately and gave a few
words of encouragement so I wouldn't lose my enthusiasm. She was
obviously a professional.
Again and again, I tried to put it in but for some reason it
wouldn't go where I wanted it. Instead, it slipped out of my hands,
bent every which way or fell onto my leg. After an hour of trying,
not only had my pride taken a beating, but my eyes watered in
frustration. As I cleaned it one more time I told her this would be
my last hurrah. We both wanted everything to work out. That's when
it happened. A perfect entry. When I opened my eyes everything
became clearer.
Yes, putting in contact lenses isn't that hard after all.
All those years of suffering through life with blurred vision are
behind me. The gratification of seeing clearly through my right eye
was hard to put into words. I'd like to thank optometrist assistant
Laura Chipman for being patient with me and teaching me what it
takes to force a soft contact lens into an unwilling eye. I just
knew I could do it. Now, if I could only take the darn thing out.
-- Eric Francis
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Should Sex and Parking Spaces have in common:
You should never have to wait to find one.
You should be able to slide right into one.
Spaces in the front are always the best.
When there are no spaces in front, spaces in the rear are just fine.
It makes you jealous when you see someone else is double-parked.
Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back.
People are willing to wait in line for the good spaces.
Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never satisfying.
We're all looking for the free space with the "unlimited" time
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A house isn't a home without a parking space.
Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear, just do it.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How are women like snow flakes???
They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can be cold as ice.
But they'll all melt when they land on your face.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go to my place
and spread the word.
During a course in human sexuality, the instructor was
discussing various items in the Kinsey report.
The class members gasped audibly when the instructor read out
that a woman had several hundred orgasms in a single session.
A male voice said, "Wow, who was she?"
A female voice followed with, "The hell with that ...Who was 'HE?' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jesus Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and
asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across
the restaurant and asked, 'Is that Jesus sitting over there?' The
waitress nodded 'yes,' so the Republican requested that she give
Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down and asked the waitress
for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and
asked, 'Is that Jesus over there?' The waitress nodded, so the
Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, 'My treat.'
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on
crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, 'Hey
there, honey! How's about getting' me a cold glass of Miller Light?'
He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, 'Is that God's boy
over there?' The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed
her to give Jesus a glass of wine. 'On my bill,' he said.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him
and said,'For your kindness, you are healed.' The Republican felt
the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out
the door.
Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, 'For
your kindness ,you are healed.' The Libertarian felt his back
straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did
a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and
yelled, 'Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A True Friend
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I'm Not Alone
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carolyn w/ Don't ~Elvis Presley
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FAITH IS A CANDLE
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Enabling Spell Check in Mac OSX
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iResize Photo Resizer for Mac Free
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Free Media Converter Via Wesley
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Get Flashed
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Little Brother
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Mohammed Brand Condoms
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Man In Line
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Mechanic
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He Is Alive
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Great tequila Commercials
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
George Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LAWYER: "On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the
farmhouse
down the footpath to the cowshed?"
WITNESS: "I did."
LAWYER: "And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the
duckpond?"
WITNESS: "I did."
LAWYER: "And did you observe anything?"
WITNESS: "I did." (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER: "Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?"
WITNESS: "I saw George."
LAWYER: " You saw George, the defendant in this case?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
LAWYER: "Can you tell the Court what George was doing?"
WITNESS: "Yes." (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER: "Well, would you kindly do so?"
WITNESS: " He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks."
LAWYER: "His 'thing?'"
WITNESS: "You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his penis."
LAWYER: "You passed close by the duckpond, the light was good, you
were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
LAWYER: "Did you say anything to him?"
WITNESS: "Of course, I did!"
LAWYER: "What did you say to him?"
WITNESS: "Morning, George."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
bj sand art
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blame
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luigi Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Italian and his 6 year old son, Luigi, go into a clothing shop.
"May
1
help you?" asks the salesman.
"Yes" says the father, 1'd like a nice sweater for me and a pair of
trousers
for my son Luigi - WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD!', and he slaps little
Luigi
around
the head several times. Shocked by this attack the salesman asks,
"Will
that
be all sir?"
"No" says the father. "1'd like a pair of shoes for me and a pair
for
Luigi - WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD!" and he slaps little Luigi again.
"Now just wait a minute" protests the salesman. "You can't keep
hitting
that
poor boy like that - why do you keep hitting him?"
"Why do I keep hitting Luigi - WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD?' yells the
father,
bashing Luigi again. 'Well, I'll tell you!" he says. "When I met his
mamma,
Maria, she wassa eighteen years old, she hada a perfect body, the
most
beautiful breasts 1 ever saw - and the nicest, tighta pussy ina the
whole
suburb - until along comma Luigi WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD!"'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow went to a Halloween costume party dressed in only a grass
skirt. The theme of the party was "My Favorite Song" and attendees
were
supposed to dress as that song title.
When the judging was set to begin, the fellow realized that the
woman in
line next to him was nude, and quite attractive. The judges asked
the
naked lady what song her "costume" represented. She smiled coyly,
and
said "Just As I Am". The judges then asked the fellow in the grass
skirt
which song his costume depicted, and he replied, "It was going to be
"Little Grass Shack in Hawaii, but since that naked broad showed up,
I
changed it to "Coming Through The Rye!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeff was married and a philanderer. A friend finally
took him to task. "When you run around with other
women, doesn't your conscience bother you?"
"Yes, for a certain length of time...and then if I
don't hear from their lawyers, I feel better."
~~~~~
"David is the same as ever." gossiped his wife on the telephone.
"All he ever thinks about all day long is sex... sex... sex."
"Now that's just not true at all." called out David,
relaxing in his recliner. "For the past half-hour,
I've been laying here thinking about you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1673
BJ's Trip
Katie: So where do I sit?
BJ: Ahem, you guys stay home this trip.
Katie: What?
BJ: Yes, I will leave from work and head South.
Rudy: Let's vote on that.
Sandi: I need my Daddy to sleep with.
Katie: What are you going to do there with you son?
BJ: Eat homemade pizza, fix onion burgers, watch movies and stuff
like that, go shooting.
the dogs: Waaaaah!
BJ: Okay, you can go!
The dogs start to sing: We're going bye bye with dad!
BJ: Help me load up the car.
Rudy: Sure will Pops!
BJ: You will have to hide under my desk at work and be quiet.
Sandi: We can do that can't we Katie?
BJ: Katie what is that in your mouth? You have my sack of
pepperoni!
Katie: Err, I was going to carry it to the car.
The herd in Guthrie
(Katie did have the sack of pepperoni in her mouth, but she was not
carrying it to the car. I rescued it in time, the little
miscreant.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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