THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Marriage is a relationship in which one
person is always right, and the other is a husband.
_______________
TEST AND KEEP TWO BLACKBERRY BOLDS!
receive your FREE His and Her Blackberry Bolds!
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Steady rain today here in West Michigan.
That is ok. The Iron horse is sitting at
the Honda dealership getting the oil changed.
Both driver and bike need a good rest.
"The war department" is off to work. And because
it is raining, Turk the dog, aka Carlos the rat
is cowering in his cage. He does not seem to want
to greet the day and is all wrapped up in his doggy
blanket. It was with some protest that I got him out
to take care of business. He crawled right back in
his cage afterwards without a peep. Just got done
watching the weather and I can safely assume that
this is definitely an "inside" day. Probably going
to make a nice big pot of beef stew. Find my book
and curl up on the couch. Somedays you just got
to chill. A good quiet day for it.
Sit back, enjoy the jokes, and have a great day!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
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THE COMICS
Divorce
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n001.html
who needs a man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n002.html
2 mellons
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n003.html
it adds up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n004.html
crooked
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n005.html
wonder bra
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n006.html
don't do drugs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n007.html
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LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Focus dailies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5973.html
a big splash
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5974.html
Levis
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5975.html
giant centepede
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5976.html
Don Knotts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5977.html
A wife was making a breakfast of fried
eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh
my gosh! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to
get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you
always forget to salt them. Use
the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'The wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't
know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what
it feels like when I'm driving.'
_____________
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after
graduating from Northwestern University ..
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull
elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot,
and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious
look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot
off the ground, then put it down.The elephant did that several
times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering
if this was the same elephant.Peter summoned up his courage,
climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
_____________
Ever wondered about
Guts or Balls...
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having
guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In
an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
arse and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both
ultimately result in death!
_________________
Annoying Ways to Order a Pizza
* Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
* End the call with, "Remember, we never had this conver-
sation."
* Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!"
and hang up.
* Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
* Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them
out.
* Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy
bread."
* Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning
Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
* If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right,
say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first
window."
* Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes,
heave a sigh of relief.
_______________
O'Neil was walking home from the pub one night when lo
and behold he sees one of the Little Folk. He sneaks up
and catches him in is stare and demands three wishes for
the little mans freedom."Granted" says the man in green,
"but whatever I do for you, O'Reily will get twofold!"
Now O'Reily is no friend of O'Neil, in fact they hate
each other, but O'Neil agrees."For my first wish I'd
like a mansion full of expensive antiques and beautiful women."
"Granted, and of course O'Reily gets two!"
"For my second wish I'd like a beautiful, sexy, redheaded nymphomaniac."
"Granted, and of course O'Reily gets two women."
Now by this stage O'Neil is pissed off, the hated O'Reily
getting two mansions and two nymphomaniacs. Suddenly
inspiration hits him. "For my third wish,
I want you to remove one of my testicles!"
________________
BUFFALO Bill
Go White Guy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjuik.htm
Great Escapes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjuio.htm
Greatest Movie Line Ever
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjuiop.htm
Guide Dog
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjkssik.htm
__________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Austrialia's Funniest Home Videos
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000088.html
Automatic Confession
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000089.html
Automatic Hand Gun
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000090.html
__________________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Big Bird Hunter
http://tinyurl.com/mpcf6z
Thing Thing 4
http://tinyurl.com/cpbffm
Warlords Heroes
http://tinyurl.com/b7os84
_______________
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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