Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I admit I have been falling asleep during baseball games lately.
It doesn't help that they are during the time when I used to take
a nap before watching prime time TV and with a few games
lately going into overtime up to 14 innings, you just kind of doze
off in the middle of the games.
The past few nights I have stayed awake which allowed me to
catch what happened on Monday and Tuesday. It is common for
a player to get hit by an inside pitch about once in every three
games but when it starts to happen more than once in an evening
you have to consider that it is deliberate. Monday night two
Detroit players got hit and in the next inning a Boston player was
hit and nothing was said other than the announcer remarking
that it looked like the umpires were letting the players police
themselves.
Last night when the same two players were hit in the first two
innings,
the next Boston player caught a ball in the back. That is pretty
hard to
pass off as a wild pitch and the player through his batting helmet
at
the pitcher and then tackled him and the benches cleared. The two
players
were ejected from the game and because of the loss of their pitcher
Detroit loss their early lead and lost the game.
There was a lot of people to blame and the reasons for this argument
may go back years but when you want to lay blame you have to start
with the umpires. After the first bean ball the pitchers should have
been
told that any further mishaps would lead to their ejection. They are
in
control of the game and they let the argument go to far.
What can be learned from this? Youklis the batter outweighed the
pitcher,
Porcello by 50 pounds. When he was tackled he used his opponents
weight to his advantage and ended up on top. Nothing is worse than
getting your
butt kicked in front of 33,000 of your own fans.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American couple is in Paris on a long-awaited trip, when suddenly
the
wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her buried
there since they had looked forward to their visit to France for so
many
years.
All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't
have
a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him that what
he
wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a store that is
open
late.
First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks,
"M'sieur, on
pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?"
The policeman is a bit surprised since the American has asked where
he
can buy a black condom, but, after thinking a bit, he gives our
friend
directions.
The store - if that is what it is - looks a little seedy and
rundown,
but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in goes the
American
and says, "M'sieru, je veux acheter un capeau noir?"
"Mais, monsieur, j'ai des capeaux rouges, des capeaux blancs, et des
capeaux marrons, mais pas des capeaux noire." After explaining that
he
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asks
the American why he wants a black condom, "Pourquoi avez vous besoin
d'un capeau noir?"
"Ma femme est morte."
After the American says that his wife is dead, the man exclaims, "O
Monsieru! Quelle beau sentiment!-What a beautiful sentiment!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Jackass Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John and Ed walked into a bar. Ed: "What do you want to drink,
Jackass?"
John: "A..A...A pa...pa..pi.
pint
of Guinness, please."
Ed goes up to the bar. "Two pints of Guinness for me and my mate
Jackass."
Ed takes the drinks back. "Here you go, Jackass." Later when they
had
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Go
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John goes to the bar. "T..T...T..two pa..pa...pa.
gi.. gin..gi..Guinness. Two pints of Guinness, please."
When the barman was sure Ed wasn't listening he said, "I think it's
awful him calling you Jackass all the time."
John says, "Oh, he..aw he..aw he..aw he always calls me that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so
realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook,
she
slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the
book once again, again the fly didn't fly away.
This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book
with
the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn
sheets
of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened.
Then
Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school.
"You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.
"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked
woman
on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of
my
dick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hurts Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat
ragged
man were sitting. The girl looks like she's having some discomfort
so
her boyfriend asks her, "What's wrong honey?"
She replies, "My head hurts."
Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it better now?"
"Yes," she says.
Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?"
"Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisses
her
lips.
"Is it better now?"
"Much better."
"Anywhere else?"
She replies by pointing to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses her
neck.
Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks the
young
man, "Excuse me pal, do you do hemorrhoids?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: So this really drunk, obnoxious guy kept bothering me at the
party last weekend.
Jill: What happened?
Mary: Well, he cornered me, pulled his thing out of his pants, and
asked me, "Do you want to suck it?"
Jill: Ohmigod! What did you do?
Mary: Well, I think I handled it pretty well. I just said, "No,
you
Go ahead. You don't have enough to share."
You know Eminem & Elton John did a duet at the Grammies?
Eminem is a huge homophobe. They're doing a remake of an
old Elton John hit: "Don't let that sonofabitch go down on me!"
Inmate # 47747 at a Federal prison was finally released after
serving a ten-year term for mail fraud. He meets an old prison mate
who asks how he was doing as an ex-con.
" I'm doing great.. I just hit the Florida lottery for 15 Million
dollars!
Naturally interested, his old prison mate asked him what he will do
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estate he can find on the beach in Miami, and that in front of his
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That's true, said #47747, but that bitch gave me the winning
number!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walked into the doctor's office for an appointment. "Would
you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked.
"I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather
embarrassing,
almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today,"
the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."
In order for the Italians not to be left out in naming their ships,
they finally accomplished the following.
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British- is HMS= Her Majesty's Ship!
Italy-is AMB= Assa My Boat !
A white and a black man were sent to hell for sinful lives. When
they got there, they stood in front of the devil and awaited
punishment.
The white man came forward first. The devil told him to drop his
pants and he did. Then the devil grabbed hold of his penis and it
slowly and painfully melted away.
With the white man lying on the ground in pain, the black man
stepped forward. The devil told him to drop his pants and with a
smirk on his face he did. Then the devil grabbed hold of his penis
and nothing happened. The bewildered devil asked the man what was
so funny and the black man replied, "This kind of chocolate melts in
your mouth not in your hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
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Movie Clips
Marbles
http://www.buffalos
Mauled
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IED Explosion
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Mexican's In Muslims Out
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Middle Aged Woman Lisa Koch http://www.buffalos
Lock Bumping
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Locked Bucks
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Look At My New Dog
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Lotto
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Love
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear:
"Could
we make love, please dear?" She rolled over away from him. "Not
tonight, darling, I've got a splitting headache," she replied rather
tersely. Too horny to read the obvious signals the husband pleaded.
"Please, honey. I'll only stick it in for a minute" "What do you
think
I am," his wife retorted, "a fucking microwave?"
Confucius Says, "Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in
woman's sink."
He said, "If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we
could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we
could
fire the maid as well." She said, "Darling, if you only could learn
to
satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener, too."
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? All
you
have to do is scratch the box to win.
The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the
doctor said, "Oh My God!!! In my all of my career, I have never seen
such a huge vagina!!... huge vagina!!" She said, "Doctor, I know it
and I'm very self-concious about it. But you didn't have to repeat
yourself." The doctor replied, "I didn't. It was an echo!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nudder
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Any Time
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Aol
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Aol 2
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AOL Hell
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A flighty young gal named Melissa
Was careless as hell on the pissa.
One day in the rush,
She was caught in the flush,
And goodness knows all of us missa!
Said the wench to the new Maharajah,
"You are ever-well hung, you old codjah!
It delights me to lay
And be queen for a day,
But the last Maharajah was largah!"
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
Her ass, it was fine
But the bee just saw mine
In the shade of the old apple tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her
class: "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and
everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained
this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by
changing the last line from 'the lamb was sure to go' to 'the lamb
went with her.' A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry
or prose. Little Harry raised his hand and said, "Mary had a little
pig - An ornery little runt. He stuck his nose in Mary's clothes and
smelled her little . .." He stopped, turned to the teacher, and
asked,
"Do you want poetry or prose?" "Prose." the teacher said weakly. So,
Harry said, ". .. Knees. Poetry would have been Toes."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in the
bathtub? The lady in church has hope in her soul...
Did you hear about the old maid who found a hobo under her bed? Her
stomach was on the bum the rest of the night.
Confucious say: Lady who fly upside-down have crack-up; man who make
love to woman on hillside not on level; baby conceived in backseat
of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Cindy J in Seattle courtsey of my Dad. He said he wasn't a dirty old
man, just a soiled senior citizen. He'll be gone 17 years a week
from today. Miss the old buzzard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1666
Mom's Coming Home!
BJ: I got a call, mom will be home in four hours!
Katie: Kool!
Sandi: The house is pitted.
Rudy: We have not done any dishes, the clothes are strung out
everywhere. We have been pigs.
BJ: Okay, I will start the laundry. Katie, you pick up the
kitchen.
Rudy, you pick up the living room. Sandi you pick up the bedroom.
Rudy: A-Roo!!
Everyone gets to work.
While the washer is going, BJ cleans the floors, dusts.
BJ: Use your mechanical thumbs and pick up trash and take out the
trash. I am going to mow the yard.
Sandi: I am sleepy.
BJ: You can get sleepy after we are done.
Katie: I wanna play.
BJ: You can play after we are done.
Rudy works pretty good.
Everything is done and all are exhausted. They are sitting on the
couch.
BJ: Okay we can take a nap now we are done.
Sandi/Rudy/Katie: Okay, we are exhausted!
Just as they hit the bed...
Diana: I am home!
Groan, oh it's mom!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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