Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The weather report the other day said we were running 5 degrees
below average temperatures this summer and with the rain it
has been extremely noticeable to every joint in my body lately.
Even Sandy has had aching knees and ankles this summer
and whether it's a sign of the cold or growing old, I don't really
like it. I had the heat on last night for about an hour before I
went
to bed and I had this dream about waking up to 3 inches of snow
on the ground. It was so real that I actually looked out the window
expecting to see white stuff everywhere. I keep hoping the jet
stream
will shift and we will get an extended or Indian summer but it's
getting late and no heat wave predicted for this week. It is so cold
Eva is walking through the house with a blanket. I wanted to go to
the
beach but who wants to go in the water if you need a survival suit.
Hope your summer is warmer... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repair Scratched Wood Instantly Stop covering up embarrassing
scratches...
clean and the scratch is gone. Fix It Wood works on all types of
wood colors, stains and grains. So whether your wood is dark, light
or in between it repairs it instantly. The wood scratch has met its
match. View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
News Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPECIAL FEATURE!!!
IF CNN's Rick Sanchez had Reported on the Major Stories of the 20th
Century:
Crash of 1929
"Folks, If you're walking around Wall Street right now, look out for
lots of executives jumping out of windows... Seriously, this could
be
very dangerous."
Hindenburg Disaster
"Well, I hate to burst your balloon... but we have a terrible
disaster
to tell you about this morning. HAHAHA"
Pearl Harbor
"They say loose lips sink ships... so I guess someone did a lot of
talking... HAHAHA!"
Hiroshima
"There's only one word for that kind of blast: 'wow'... just 'wow.'"
JFK Assassination
"Okay, let's slow down the Zapruder film just at the point where the
bullet hits the President's head... YEOW!! You know that had to
hurt!"
Moon Landing
"Boy, there's only one thing that could top this Daryn... man
landing
on the Sun."
Nixon Resigns
"You know what's funny Daryn?... I saw 'Deep Throat' like 6 times
and
I never saw anything that the President should resign over."
Israel-Egypt Peace Treaty
"Well, we finally did it... we'll never have to worry about Arab-
Israeli violence again!"
Challenger Disaster
"You know what I can't get out of my mind Daryn?... You know that
teacher subbing for Christa McCauliffe is probably thinking: 'Man,
that could have been me!"
Oklahoma Bombing
"Let's not jump to conclusions about who's to blame here, Daryn...
but
my money is on those crazy Arabs"
Lewinsky Scandal
"I guess 'Deep Throat' struck again, huh? HAHAHA"
9/11
"Let's not jump to conclusions about who's to blame here, Daryn...
but
my money is on Timothy McVeigh"
Russian Revolution
"Well, I for one am not upset. I could never spell "Czar" correctly
anyway. HAHAHAHA!"
Japan Surrenders
"Of course this is good news, Daryn. But you want to know what I'm
worrying about right now... what are we gonna do with all those
extra
atomic bombs?"
Sound Barrier Broken
"With all due respect to Chuck Yeager... I think my kids break the
sound barrier every night when they play those Dizzy Gillespie
records. HAHAHAHAHA!"
State of Israel Born
"I know it's going to be called the Jewish State, Daryn... but I'm
withholding judgment until I can get a decent Reuben Sandwich in Tel
Aviv, know what I mean?"
Ike's Heart Attack
"I guess now we're just HALF a heartbeat away from having Dick Nixon
as President, huh Daryn?"
Tet Offensive
"Boy the North Vietnamese really let us have it last night! And you
know it's a shock, Daryn, because the folks at my local Chinese
restaurant are usually NICER to me during the Lunar New Year. Man,
go
figure."
Patty Hearst Kidnapping
"You know what I don't understand Daryn?... Why isn't there also a
Symbionese Liberation Navy?"
Gas Lines
"You know what could stop this problem of endless gas lines at the
stations, Daryn? The oil companies could start delivering fuel
direct
to your home!"
Miracle on Ice
"Well, finally we all have something to make us feel good about
being
Americans again. But I'm concerned about the other side of this
story... people in Russia and Finland probably really hate us right
now."
First Shuttle Launch
"That's one impressive space vehicle folks... but what do you think
the insurance is for that sucker? YEOW!"
2000 Election Mess
"Well, it looks like they're going to have to recount all the votes,
county by county Daryn. It's a job even thought counting muppet from
Sesame Street would find daunting, I'm sure."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
cold nose
http://www.buffalos
college
http://www.buffalos
combo
http://www.buffalos
come in
http://www.buffalos
come to bed
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Rules of Sex
~ Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.
~ Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
~ Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
~ A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man,
the women he couldn't.
~ It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
~ Don't say no, say maybe, say any old thing say come back in the
spring
but don't say no.
~ A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
~ Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
~ Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
~ Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight
are
unimportant
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Last Mop You'll Ever Need Bona Mop is a durable, premium spray
mop that combines its microfiber mop with a floor cleaner cartridge
so you have the mop and cleaner all in one. It's perfect for any
surface from wood to laminate and it won't leave any dulling
residue. Bona Mop will bring out the best in your floors. Receive
microfiber pad for ordering today. View Website:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the good old days, things were not so good. We had to walk to
school barefoot, ten miles each way, all up hill, in snow up to our
armpits. We had to get up before we went to bed, go to the barn and
milk three hundred head by hand before breakfast, which was a hand
full of beans. We were so poor we had dry beans for breakfast, a
glass of water for lunch, and then wait for it to swell up for
supper. We were so poor, if you didn't wake up with a hard on you
had nothin to play with all day.
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can
tell me the meaning of indifferent?
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one
knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for
foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.
Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you
explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'that's
lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
Todd was arrested AGAIN and the detective was leafing through his
crime history folder.
"Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run,
disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault,
forgery, sexual assault, manslaughter.
"Yeah, I know," said Todd. "It took me quite a while to figure out
what I was good at."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
World's Most Convenient Multi-Use Steamer
Steam Buddy is the quickest and safest way to remove wrinkles. It
gives you the power of the dry cleaner in the palm of your hand.
Steam Buddy is gentle enough for silk, but touch enough for linens.
It heats up in seconds and eliminates the hassle of ironing boards.
Steam up your life with Steam Buddy.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is a father's advice to his son just moments before he
gets on the bus that will carry him off to join the Army:
"Son, you are getting ready to embark on a great adventure as many
of
the men in our family have done since your
great-great-
hundreds of years ago.
There will be many dangers ahead that you will encounter. Remember
your training and obey your commanders, this will keep you alive
during the arduous days of battle. Always stay with the plan, if you
deviate from it you will be in grave jeopardy.
When the time of battle is over, be wary as you go into the towns
and
cities ahead because there are many hidden dangers lurking there.
There will be many temptations to lure you away from your brothers
in
arms and this could put you in danger even if it seems safe at the
time. In every town there will be a street that will be most
treacherous of all there will be strong drink to dull your senses,
loud and crude songs to suppress your hearing, and wild women of ill
repute to enable your enemy to catch you off guard. My advice to you
as a former soldier is simple - What ever you do... FIND THAT
STREET."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You'd be surprised how many people are overpaying on their insurance
premiums. Like most people, you may have been unaware that insurance
premiums can vary widely from company to company, and that you can
save significantly by shopping by State.
Start saving now with UnitedLifeInsurance
Paying too much for LIFE Insurance?
You could save over $500 a year on your Car Insurance. Click Here
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tax Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We could balance the Federal Budget if we taxed sex. Everyone would
pay their share. Young people would pay more taxes and your tax
liability would decrease as you got older.
The tax would also promote family values. How would you like to come
home to your wife and have her ask, "Honey, why is your tax bill
larger than mine?" Or be a teenager and come home to your dad with
your tax bill in his hand.
We wouldn't have to pay people to work for the IRS, they would be
paying to work there just so they could review peoples returns.
Locker room conversations would change ... "Get a load of this tax
bill!"
The forms would change a little also. We would now have a
1040-Quickee. And it would give a whole new meaning to the phrase
... "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Your Food Fresh Up To 50 Days Longer
Always Fresh Containers help extend the lifespan of your fruits,
vegetables and much more. This ultimate food storage system absorbs
and removes food-spoling ethylene gas released during the natural
ripening process.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man came home VERY late, drunk as a skunk, to find his
wife waiting for him at the door.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" she screams. "It's FOUR IN THE MORNING!"
He says, "Aww, I just stopped at this bar. I was only going
to have one drink...but this bar, it was incredible.
EVERYTHING in it was gold-plated. They had a gold rail
under the bar, gold ashtrays, they served the drinks in gold shot
glasses, the table posts were all gold-plated, even the mirror
behind
the bar was gold. The cash register was gold. I was so amazed by
all
this gold, I just kept ordering drinks, so I could stay in the bar
and
look at it. Hell, even when I went to the Men's Room to take a
leak,
they had gold-plated urinals... Man, I want to tell you, it was
wonderful."
"I don't believe that story for one goddamn minute," his
wife said. "What was this place called?"
"Hell," he replies, "I can't remember... I got too drunk,
and I forgot."
"You're gonna have to prove it to me tomorrow when you sober up, or
I'm
going to divorce you!" she said.
The next day, the man looks through the Yellow Pages under "BARS",
but
none of the names ring a bell. He decides that he'll call all the
bars
listed, and ask the bartenders about the decor in their
establishments.
He's called about 50 bars so far, and still no luck. Finally, he
calls
one bar, asks his question, and the bartender says that, yes, they
are
the bar with all the gold-plated stuff.
"Here," the man says, handing the phone to his wife. "Ask
this bartender if I'm lying!"
The wife gets on the line, and begins to ask the bartender about all
the
things her husband had told her about on the previous night... the
rail,
the shot glasses, the mirrors, the table posts, the cash register,
etc.
etc. Finally, she says, "Now, this may seem like a strange question,
but
my husband says you even have gold-plated urinals... Do you?"
The bartender puts the phone down on the bar, and she hears
him yell "HEY LOUIE!! I think I know who took a leak in
your saxophone...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slap Chop - Dice, Chop & Mince in Seconds
Slap Chop makes chopping up vegetables, nuts and fruits quick and
easy. The food gets finer with every slap - you'll never need to
switch the blade. Slap Chop is dishwasher safe making clean up a
breeze.
Order one today and get a second one at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Long Ago
http://www.silveran
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
John w/ Life's Railway To Heaven
http://heavens-
Mother The Beautiful Creature
http://www.wtv-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths
sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that
I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training
System so I can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the
right way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Roadside America
http://www.roadside
Crash Testing & Highway Safety
http://www.iihs.
Ghosts Among Us
http://ghostsamongu
Old Fashioned Home Remedies For The Garden Via Wesley
http://fransorin.
The British Museum - very cool ! Via Wesley
http://www.ancientc
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley
PC Power Supply Calculator
http://www.extreme.
Control-Alt-
http://code.
Free PDF to Word Doc Converter
http://xrl.in/
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
registry which may be the reason why your PC is running so slow, or
crashing and freezing from time to time. Also, these can lead to
major system problems and possible memory leaks.
Below are instructions that will enable you to Increase Your
Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
minutes.
If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
attention that your computer's registry does contain file "errors",
then it may be in your computer's best interest to fix the
potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://home.
Kitty Korner
http://www.sphynxnp
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual? Well, if
you've downloaded any music, movie clips, or games in the past 2
months, then your computer may be infected with "Ad-Ware" and
"Spy-Ware"!
Advertisers use downloadable music as a vehicle to "legally" add
"Spy-Ware" and "Ad-Ware" to consumer PCs. If you're suspicious that
Internet Advertisers have added "Ad-Ware" or "Spy-Ware" to your
computer, then here's your chance to scan your computer at no
charge.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
FREE*- DATING SITE and DATING COMMUNITY!
Are you still SINGLE? Last week we sent you an email to notify you
about our new dating network that is -FREE- to join, and not only do
we have thousands of single women and men located right in your
city, but we have the EXACT SINGLE women and men that you would want
to meet and date this week!
PRESS HERE TO JOIN FOR NO COST (MUST BE 18 and OLDER):No Credit Card
Required:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Clips
Fin Potato Whore
http://www.buffalos
Fire hose Rodeo
http://www.buffalos
Fly
http://www.buffalos
Football As It Should Be
http://www.buffalos
For Men
http://www.buffalos
Finalized MTG Minutes
http://www.buffalos
First Day At The Rifle Range
http://www.buffalos
First IT Consultant
http://www.buffalos
Fishing Boat
http://www.buffalos
Fitness
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sen. John McCain is scheduled to appear at the Buffalo Chip
Campground during the Sturgis [SD] Motorcycle Rally next week....
What could possibly be more presidential than a picture of
McCain in leather chaps and temprorary tattoos getting flashed
by hundreds of middle-aged biker chicks?
"I'm John McCain and I brought this message on myself...."
A judge in Maine has ruled that women, but not men, can jog naked in
public, for you men who are making their mid-summer vacation plans.
Turns out the law in Maine says an offence of appearing nude is
committed only if the genitals are knowingly exposed in public. The
judge says that women's genitals are primarily internal and
therefore
cannot be exposed.
How did this come up at the trial of two women arrested for running
nude?
They won their case by asking just ONE question of the arresting
police
officer. He was asked whether he saw their genitals during the
incident. "Not that I recall," he replied.
Case closed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safely Talk and Drive at the Same Time
Jupiter Jack let's you talk without using your hands. It transmits
quality sound through the speakers in your car. Just plug Jupiter
Jack in your phone, preset your radio to 99.3 FM and you're ready to
start talking.
Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Achoo
http://www.buffalos
Action
http://www.buffalos
Acute Angina
http://www.buffalos
Adam Fig Leaf
http://www.buffalos
Adam Smart
http://www.buffalos
A Day In The Sun
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the USA Honor Society, we believe that everybody deserves to be
recognized for their talents and achievements. That's why we need
you to respond to this email.
Pending final approval, you will receive an Official USA Honor
Society Certificate for... FREE! That's right, act now to find out
if you're eligible. The USA Honor Society will also give you an
online profile for... FREE!
Act now so we can validate your profile and prepare your official
Certificate! On behalf of the Biographical Research Department, we
wish you continued success.
FOR YOUR FREE CERTIFICATE!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day as I fished on the sea
A mermaid came visiting me
Though just right on top
T'other end was a flop
With no parts to show she was a she.
There once was a man named Chang,
Who had an incredible wang.
He was tallented too.
For all night he could screw.
And the girls his praises all sang.
She wasn't too bold, not too willing
And she did stare a lot at the ceiling...
But once with this rogue
She put down her vogue
And said, "That was mod'rately thrilling."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flies Away
Stop swatting, shooing, and spraying and get the ultimate
green invention for getting rid of flies.
Protect your farm, your home, your property, and your
barbecues from fly invasion.
Just add water plus the bait and hang outside. That's it!
Flies Away makes your home a No-Fly Zone.
Traps & Kills up to 20,000 flies!
Currently used by farmers, equestrians to get rid of flies.
Patented, bio-degradable and non-toxic bait, used by the U.S.
Military.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens
to be her husband's best friend. This goes on for
hours.
Afterwards, while they're just laying there, the
phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she
picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her
and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.
..
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really?
That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That
sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks,
"Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling
me all about the wonderful time he's having on
his fishing trip with you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ab Flyer - Abdominal Workout Machine The Ab Flyer is a revolutionary
exercise device that is taking abdominal training in a whole new
direction. Unlike traditional crunches, Ab Flyer works abs from
"bottom up" reducing stress to neck, back and shoulders. Order now
and get all this: In just minutes a day you'll get those ripped ads
you always wanted! View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony met a young woman in a bar. She accepted his invitation to go
back
to his apartment with him. After a few drinks and some soft music,
he
suggested they retire to the bedroom, and the girl agreed.
Soon they were going at it hot & heavy, when all of a sudden, Tony
stopped dead, looked at her and said, "Hey, you don't have herpes,
do
you?"
"No", she replied. "What would make you ask such a thing?"
"Thats a relief," said Tony. "The last girl didn't tell me till it
was
too late!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We get it. You're broke, stressed for time, and tired of paying
hundreds of dollars on gyms you don't go to and equipment you don't
use. Your body is your temple. In your honor, we offer three
complimentary gifts *- our signature 12-minute BusyBody DVD, Power
Resistance band, and herbal cleanse - yours to keep.
http://buffaloschip
Stop losing precious time and start losing pounds!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1657
Diana's Surgery Cont
Nurse: Okay Diana you are next.
Katie: It is about time. Hrumpt!
The dogs crowd around Diana as she heads back to the room.
Nurse: No! Nobody is allowed, no dogs, no husband, nobody. When
Diana is prepped, then her husband, husband only can see her.
Rudy: A-Rooo!
BJ: It's okay guys. When I see her, I will come and tell you what
is
going on.
Katie: I will sue. It is unfair.
Sandi: It is okay, I can sleep.
About twenty minutes later a nurse comes and gets BJ.
Nurse: Bad news..
BJ: What?
Nurse: You wife will not have surgery today. Come I will show you.
Back in the prep room.....
Diana is wearing the hospital gown, but she has one toe that is
bright
red.
Nurse: Her toe is infected, we cannot operate until the infection
is
cleared up.
Diana looks sad: I was ready.
BJ: Better to err on the side of caution honey.
Nurse: Get dressed, see your doctor get some antibodies and get
this
treated and we will go from there.
Diana: Sniff sniff.
BJ: I will tell the dogs.
Out with the dogs.
YAY!!!! Mommy coming home!!!!
(alas good news and bad news)
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
No comments:
Post a Comment