Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Last month when my sister Cathy who works for an auto auction
firm was here she was telling me about the huge number of
vehicles they have had in the Texas area that were totaled
because of hailstorms this year. The largest I have ever seen were
the golf ball sized ones but they get the softball sized ones that
will
take you off the face of the earth. I told her there was an easy way
to repair all those cars and then told her the joke below.
A blonde was driving home one night when she suddenly found herself
in the middle of a bad hail storm. The hailstones were the size of
golf balls. Her car was dented beyond description.
The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was
blonde, the technician decided to have some fun. He told her to take
the car home and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents
would pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was
instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw
her puffing on the tailpipe.
Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, "What are you
doing?"
She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the
tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend said, "Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the
windows first!"
No matter how many people we know that are capable of adopting this
line of reasoning and attempting to remove the dents from their cars
in this manner, most of us know that this was just a joke. There are
people
that actually send jokes like this to the Urban Legend to find out
if they
are real or not and they do have a lot of pages dedicated to humor
you
have seen in buffalosjokes and the next time I run the joke I get a
letter
from somebody telling me the joke isn't true. Oh and the joke that
Al
Gore was fathered by an Alien during the Roswell Mexico incident is
true but no one will ever admit it.
I gotta go out and pay bills tomorrow and I know someone will give
me
something to rant about. heh heh.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a major sale at Victoria's Secret and the guy wanted to
get
his girl some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with women
for this big sale and before he knew it, he was pushed and shoved by
frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise. He remained calm
for as long as he could, then bowed his head and pushed hard and
effectively and plowed through the crowd of women. "Hey you!" an
angry female voice yelled out at him, "Try acting like a gentleman!"
"That's what I have been doing," He retorted, "But since that isn't
working out for me, I'm gonna now act like you ladies!"
One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to
Greece?"
"No," he answered, "I'll stick with K-Y Jelly!"
Q. What is the difference between frustration and panic?
A. Frustration is the first time you discover you can't do it
the second time. Panic is the second time you discover you can't do
it the first time.
Braisco goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My marriage isn't as
much fun as it used to be. My wife is always tired".
The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy sex?
"As much as the next fellow" replied Braisco.
The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's
exhausted"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
tough love
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driving me nuts
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on your birthday
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Check Out The Zoom Lens
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Checkup
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Chick With Big Knockers
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I pick on women drivers. They only know one way to get somewhere,
and I'm always stuck behind them while they go 10 miles under the
speed limit.
This one chick, once, made a U-turn in the middle of the block,
right in front of a whole *line* of cars coming the other direction.
It's amazing this maniac killed no one. I turned to April and
exclaimed, "Goddamned women drivers!!!"
As the vehicle passed us, going the other direction, it was clear by
the beard on the driver's face the he was, indeed, a man.
April smirked.
"Well," I said, "obviously his *mother* taught him how to drive."
Jill: Do you think size matters?
Mary: Absolutely not! I think what's important is how you use what
you have
and how well you can control it.
Jill: Well, I know men worry about it all the time, but I think
you're right.
Mary: Of course, I'm right; are we talking about brains or penises?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?
A. When you open her legs a light goes on!!
Jill, a rather young miss attending St. Mary's Catholic Girls
School, was sitting on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette.
The local priest walks by and gives her a glare. "Jill! Smoking at
such a young age! Aren't you ashamed?"
"What?" said Jill? "You got something better to do after sex?"
A man was suffering from a stomachache, so he told his wife who
suggested he try the tablets the Doctor had given her for a similar
pain. After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain
disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind
each ear. He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained
what had happened. Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under
the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a
fallen womb, God knows how I m going to get your balls back down".
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When
they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the
second, "My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"
The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can
they display such a thing! Why the penis on it was so large!"
Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...and
cold, too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FACTS ABOUT SANTA'S REINDEER:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male
and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male
reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till
after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every
historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of
them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be a girl. We should've
known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet
suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Buffalo's Deductions
The reindeer in question are actually cross dressing bucks with
glued on horns and not pregnant does
Point 1 Would any self respecting straight male reindeer have the
name Comet or Cupid.
Point 2 Have you ever seen Rudolph carrying an improperly folded
road map?
Point 3 Do you think that that many pregnant reindeer would settle
for cookies, sugar, and carrots that litle kids leave. They are
going to want ice cream, pickles, and CHOCOLATE flavored hay and
wouldn't care where and when the craviings hit them.
Point 4 Can you imagine Santa flying behind 9 reindeer with morning
sickness? Can you say Barf-O-Rama
And from Tom
Forgot one...
The females would only stop at 6 homes in a 24 hr period... asking
directions and end up in a long winded gossip session!
Case Closed
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him
these lines to practice:
"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I
think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William
Shakespeare.
Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly
every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is
what he
said:
"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I
think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William
Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! Fuck it, I didn't want to be in
this damn play anyway!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Women Look For In Men.........
I've heard it said that women are a mystery to men. So what is it
that a woman is looking for in a man?
Someone to take care of her wants and needs?
Who will always give his honest opinion on her views?
A man who is willing to turn off the t.v.
so they can discuss their feelings?
A real visionary, with a keen imagination?
Able to see the real woman she is?
A man who is a progressive thinker and never looks back?
A guy who won't leave his things laying around for her to put away?
But really, women are very simple creatures. What they really want
more than anything, is a man who is very ...
Well Hung
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Peaceful Walk
http://www.silveran
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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"All The Way"
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Anillocompromiso
http://www.buffalos
Arab
http://www.buffalos
Baby Boomers Battle
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Beer
http://www.buffalos
beer launcher
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Lazy River Pee Prank
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Leno Needs Body Guard
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Let the Beast Go
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Levis
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Lip Balm Commercial
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jungle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are
stalking through the brush when the one to the rear
reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger
in front.
The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it
out, already." The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they
continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger again
reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger
in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear
tiger and says, "I said stop it!." The rear tiger says, "sorry," and
they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger once more
licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around
and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to
get the taste out of my mouth!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A XXXmas Story
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Anger Management
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Angry Residents
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Good Lickin
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Anna Show
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Anna's House
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I met a young man in Chungking
Who had a very long thing --
But you'll guess my surprise
When I found that its size
Just measured a third-finger ring!
____________
A young man maintained that his trigger
Was so big that there weren't any bigger.
But this long and thick pud
Was so heavy it could
Scarcely lift up its head. It lacked vigor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted
he join the Army. At the induction physical, the Army
doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the eye
chart across the room. "What chart?" the young man
asked.
"The one on the wall! "The doctor said.
"What wall?"
Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor
asked his beautiful nurse to walk in Naked. "What do
you see now?"
"Nothing."
"Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said,"
but your indicator is pointing toward Ft. Jackson!.
Welcome to the Army son."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An actor who was considered by his peers to be the worst actor of
all time goes out on the road with a Shakespearean company. The
first night in Cleveland, as he starts Hamlet's first speech, the
audience starts to groan. Then they start to yell at him, telling
him what he can do with his acting ability. He presses on, and as
soon as he begins another crucial scene, the audience throws things
at him. First the programs, then peanuts, and finally their drinks.
Fed up the actor steps forward, and with great aplomb, says, "What
the hell do you want from me? I didn't write this shit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1664
Dad's Turn
The dogs are gone, asleep. BJ gets the remote.
BJ: I think I will surf the game show channels and the news
channels.
Click!
I will take Geography for 100 dollars. What is the capitol of
Kansas?
Click!
Bulgaria, where the meeting of the former Soviet Bloc nations met to
discuss...
Click!
Who wrote the song Porgy and Bess?
Click!
Joseph Stalin.. was remembered today as a mass murderer and not a
former leader of the...
Click!
BJ: Yawn! Time to sleep.
The end
New York Yankees in 1962 had two home run hitters chasing Babe
Ruth's home run record, name them.
Click!
Hitler and Mussolini led the attack against the allies in Europe
while...
Click!
Name the 13th apostle after Judas's death.
Click!
Charles Manson was again denied parole today in California for his
role in the slayings of ...
Click!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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