Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Back about 1965 my eighth grade class had a candy sale to
help the PTA play for new playground equipment. The school
wanted to turn it into a learning experience for us and since
it was the beginning of the year, they decided to teach us
about the stock market. When we finished the sale we had 200.00 in
profits and the teacher bought a stack of Wall St.
Journals and started teaching us about opening and closing prices,
tracking trends, checking dividends, etc. We then got
together in groups to choose a stock. The boys wanted either Ford or
GM stock as 40 years ago those were stocks to be
revered. The group voted for the Ford stock and with broker
fees we were able to purchase three shares at 58.61 each.
It never lost any money over the next 8 months but only rose
to about 58.75. They did make a profit that year, probably on the
Mustang, and we got a dividend of a 1.50 a share. Three percent
wasn't a bad profit back then and with paying brokerage
fees to sell the stock we only lost about 20 dollars.
Today Ford Motor traded for 7.41- 7.64 with a one year target price
of 7.44. Of course if we had had bought GM I wouldn't have to even
look to see what my stock was worth. It is worth zilch because of
the bankruptcy. As far as I know none of my classmates ever made a
killing in the market.
I feel I should bid farewell and Rest In Peace to Sen. Edward
Kennedy. Sitting on the other side of the political see-saw, I never
cared much
for some of his legislation but I did respect the power that he
wielded and the office that his constituents kept reelecting him to
for forty years.
Enjoy the chips....buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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King Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried
about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of
the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After
explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful
and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up
with something.
A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the
good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity
belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious
place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this
opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"
"Ah, sire, just observe." said Merlin as he searched his cluttered
workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected
his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He
then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt
whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in
two.
"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch, "Now I can
leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting
Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.
Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he
assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their
trousers for an informal "short arm" inspection. Sure enough! Each
and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way.
All of them except Sir Galahad.
"Sir Galahad ", exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true
knight!
Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in
my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"
Sir Galahad was speechless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fat man was seated on his front steps drinking a can of beer when
a busybody spinster from down the street began to berate him for his
appearance. "What a disgusting sight," she said. "If that belly
was on a woman, I'd swear she was pregnant." To which the man smiled
and replied, "Madam, it was and she is."
A salesman knocks at the door and a young boy answers. The little
boy says, "Please be quiet, sir. My mother is a prostitute and
works all night. She sleeps during the day." The salesman scratches
his head and says, "Well, I'll be a son of a bitch" The little boy
replies, "I'm a bastard myself, but I don't go around ringing
people's doorbells and telling them about it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and his dad were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly
a
lady in the front turned around, slapped Little Johnny's dad, and
then left in a huff.
"That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's dad said.
Little Johnny remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy.
She stepped on my toe ... so I pinched her ass."
Did you hear that Tony Orlando and Dawn are getting back
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asked them to change their smash hit from: "Knock three times on
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no." To "Tap four times in the washroom for some sodomy, twice
on my pipe if you're just gonna blow."
A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes
to see a gynecologist. After a thorough examination, the Doctor
tells
her: "Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are
pregnant, but when I examined you, I found that you are still a
virgin. I mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny
holes, a little more that pinpricks, actually... By the way, what
did
you say your name was?" "My name is Snow White," replies the girl
One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay
shed. When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his
girlfriend on the bottom level of the hay shed. He decided he
wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down and rested. After a while he
heard his son say, "Father, father up above. Give me strength for
one
last shove." So the father, being smart, replied, "Son, son down
below. Get off and give your father a go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ship Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in 1992, as some may recall, the British luxury liner Queen
Elizabeth 2 struck a rock in Buzzards Bay off the coast of
Massachusetts. An acquaintance of mine knew some of the US Coast
Guard crew that were on duty at Castle Hill, RI, that day. According
to him this is what was said during the initial radio call. Keep in
mind that the radio operator on the QE2 was speaking with a formal
British upper crust style and the Coast Guard watch stander was
probably some 18 year old kid fresh from a farm in Iowa:
QE2: United States Coast Guard, United States Coast Guard,
this is the Queen Elizabeth 2. Over.
USCG: Queen Elizabeth 2 this is Coast Guard Station Castle Hill.
Over.
QE2: United States Coast Guard this is the Queen Elizabeth
II. We appear to have run aground. Over.
USCG: You're shitting me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is this man sitting at the bar when the most beautiful woman
he has ever seen walks in, and he just has to go over to her.
"Let's cut the small talk, shall we? Your place or mine?" he says.
She looks at him and replies, "Mine."
So he gets into his car and she gets into her car and they go over
to her place. When they get up to her apartment he walks in and
sees all these dicks hanging on the walls.
He jumps back and cries, "What the hell is going on here?"
She answers, "If you don't satisfy me, that's where you're going to
hang. So how do you want it?"
The man thinks for a minute and tells her to go into the bedroom,
turn out the lights and get naked. When she goes into the bedroom,
he goes back down to his car and gets this Big fuckin' watermelon
out of his truck. He goes back up to her place and knocks on the
bedroom door.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. So he goes into the room and starts to pump her
with the watermelon. She is just screaming her lungs out,
absolutely loving every minute of it. This goes on for an hour or
so. When he finishes, he asks her, "So how was that?"
The woman catches her breath and says, "Ahhh, nothing like a good
fingering before a fuck!"
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Cucumber Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN BECAUSE.....
A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
A cucumber doesn't care if you always spend
the holidays with your family.
A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are
taking a shower.
A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on
the day you move.
A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll on
deodorant, or hair spray.
A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
A cucumber never has to call "the wife".
A cucumber never snaps your bra, or pinches your butt.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails
are wet.
A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
A cucumber will never call and say, "I have to work late,
honey." and then come home with the smell of Channel
No. 19 on him.
A cucumber will never leave you for another cucumber.
A cucumber will never leave you for another man.
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman.
A cucumber will never make a scene because there are
other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
A cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?"
A cucumber won't ask to be put through Medical school.
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer.
A cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors.
A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.
A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you
out to get Milk Duds.
A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool
on the pillow.
A cucumber won't fall asleep too soon.
A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while
you're asleep.
A cucumber won't insist that the little cukes be raised
catholic, Jewish, or orthodox vegetarian.
A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.
A cucumber won't lie to you about having a vasectomy.
A cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore.
A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when
your mother comes over.
A cucumber won't need to be sucked off.
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
A cucumber won't say "Let's keep trying until we have a
boy."
A cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you
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A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
A cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count.
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter.
A cucumber won't want to come on your face.
A cucumber won't want to join your support group.
A cucumber won't wear shorts to your office party
A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Optimal Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Finds
------------
------------
Optimal Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Finds
Thursday, April 03, 2008
NEW YORK - Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to
satisfy a woman in bed.
A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for
sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be
published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike
at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The
time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual
intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."
Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who
believe "more of something good is better, and if you really want to
satisfy your partner, you should last forever."
The questions were not gender-specific, said Corty. But he said
prior research has shown men and women want foreplay and sexual
intercourse to last longer.
Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited
a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median
time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women in the study
were armed with stopwatches.
It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual
intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical
psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis,
Maryland.
"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are
doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as
exciting as other people think they are."
Fifty members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the
U.S. and Canada were surveyed by Corty, an associate professor of
psychology at Penn State Erie, The Behrend College, and student
Jenay Guardiani. Thirty-four members, or 68 percent, responded,
although some said the optimal time depended on the couple.
Corty said he hoped to give an idea of what therapists find to be
normal and satisfactory among the couples they see.
"People who read this will say, 'I last five minutes or my partner
lasts eight minutes,' and say, 'That's OK,' " he said. "They will
relax a little bit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boone Crockett3
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An astronomer slept in the sun,
Then woke with his fly quite undone.
He remarked, with a smile,
"Hoorah! A sundial!
And it's now a quarter past one."
Little Bo Peep, has lost her sheep,
And doesn't know where to find 'em...
But a search revealed,
They were out in the field,
With Little Boy Blue behind 'em.
Said Old Father Maury: "I'm humble,
And getting too old for a tumble,
But produce me a blonde,
And I'm still not beyond
An attempt at an interesting fumble."
<sngged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Depot SCAM
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I
had a close call yesterday.
I walked into Home Depot hardware store at lunchtime and some old
guy dressed in
a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the b*stard out.
Those less
suspecting might not be so lucky!!
Pass this warning on..
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisdom from my brother:
If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look
in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in
succession when symptoms occur:
My present and future financial and personal well being are totally
in the hands of:
Barack Obama
Joe Biden
Harry Reid
Nancy Pelosi
Tim Geithner
Rahm Emmanuel
Chris Dodd
and Barney Frank!
If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably
destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.
There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as
a public service.
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1679
It's The Medicine Ma!
It is getting late at night when Diana is hearing some loud singing
from downstairs. She decides to check out the noise.
She finds Rudy and BJ with arms and paws around each other singing
loudly and off-key.
Diana: What is going on?
Sandi: They are taking medicine.
Diana: Explain.
Katie: They were on the net today and found out that one-half can
of beer a day is good for your stomach and six ounces of red wine
can lower your bad cholesterol. So Rudy and father are working on
lower their cholesterol.
Diana: BJ is not used to drinking. The one-half can of beer is for
people who have ulcers and he does not have ulcers.
Sandi: Oh.
Diana: Rudy does not have ulcers either, nor does he have had
cholesterol.
Katie: Gulp!
Diana: Sandi, help me get Dad into bed.
Sandi: Okay Mommy.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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