THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Mae West
What killed Michael Jackson?
Tell us. Then complete the program requirements
for a FREE 7 album collection of
MJ's solo career.
http://tinyurl.com/kogy33
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I sortof miss the CNN channel right now.
This is hurricane weather and without it I
do not get to see the poor reporters being
blown away outside in the middle of the storm.
We trimmed our cable bill way back to the bare
minimum for one thing to save money, and for
another, cable offers such lousy programming.
Of course, the unfortunate thing is they
put all the channels you really want to watch
in the higher numbers, so to get anything
decent, you have to subscribe to the larger
packages. Because of the huge trees here, we cannot
get satellite to work and AT&T refuses to offer
uverse television here in our area. that makes us a
captive cable audience. But that is the makings of
rambling and griping for another story.
I always figured it was sortof entertaining
to watch them giving a broadcast while they
were fighting huge wind gusts and rain.
You have to laugh when you think about what
that channel does for increased ratings. What
was especially funny was the extremes to which the
reporters went to during the Iraq war.
I think that most of the "shock and awe"
that was accomplished was mostly by the
American people ooohing and ahhing over their
own bombs exploding. I remember one guy
standing there in front of the camera talking
about small arms fire while not too far away
from him, a group of marines were firing a
50 cal machine gun at a sniper. ( I know I would
not have been just standing there. that is for
sure.) I wish
that there would be a big huge hurricane that
would hit New York City. or that the United States
would invade Canada. Then maybe there would
be something decently entertaining on tv for
a while. I would resubscribe to the entire
cable network package to get the cnn channel
and the weather channel. But you know the best
benefit? Turk the dog aka Carlos the rat and
I would be extremely happy because then we
wouldn't have cable tv telemarketers calling
us in the morning interrupting our nap because
they want us to upgrade service. Amazing
what a few well placed bombs can accomplish.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
______________
The youngins won't understand this one:)
THE COMICS
I wanted this job
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p020.html
coming soon to a movie theater near you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p021.html
the pharmacy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p022.html
how to sell more beer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p023.html
I'm glad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p024.html
car repair
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p025.html
prescriptions
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p026.html
okay okay...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p027.html
____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
hot pursuit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6040.html
hungry doggie
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6039.html
the monkey king
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6041.html
Shrek
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6042.html
funny pictures
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6043.html
funny at the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6044.html
A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms,
and a sales girl approached him.
Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir?
Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms.
Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir?
Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes.
I don't know what size I would need.
Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you
would need? As she was holding the penis, she called for
assistance: "Give me a SMALL one... Wait! Make it MEDIUM...
Wait! Make it LARGE... Shit! Give me a TISSUE !!!"
_________________
Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's
third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail"
and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."
Here is a sampling from the thousands she received:
- "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock."
- "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height."
- "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed."
- "Of course I'll respect you in the morning."
- "You don't look a day over 40."
- "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my
own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study."
- "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite."
_____________
One mom was complaining about having to go to the
athletic store to buy an athletic cup for her young son,
who was ten years old and just starting the *soccer* league.
She said, "The man asked me what size of an athletic cup I needed."
"I shrugged and held my thumb and index finger about an inch
apart and said, 'he's about this big.'"
The man behind the counter said,
No, ma'am, what's his *waist* size?'"
_________________
Democrats, realizing the success of the President's
"Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a
major portion of their National Health Care Plan.
President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Harry Reid
are expected to make this major announcement at a joint
news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced
copy of the proposal which is named....
"CASH FOR CODGERS":
...and it works like this... Couples wishing to access health
care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be
required to turn in one old person.
The amount the government grants them will be fixed according
to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent
codgers will garner the highest amounts.
Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers
in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons
10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any
member of the Republican Party.
Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef,
soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy
products, bacon, or Girl Scout Cookies.
All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection.
This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body
parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.
Run my old friend, Run!
_____________
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be
dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could
think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial
he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about
to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial
because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one
look at the man in his blue suit with those beady eyes
and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's
guilty, guilty, guilty!' So your Honor, I can not possibly
stay on this jury!"
With a tired annoyance, the judge replied, "Get back in the
jury box. That man is his lawyer."
BUFFALO BILL
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhsdjsk.htm
Finish Jackie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abshjsk.htm
Flirting Garbage men
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abdhjdsk.htm
Football Season
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aghju.htm
___________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Babies Rollerskating
http://tinyurl.com/lrgrbo
Water Pucho
http://tinyurl.com/plrmjh
Liong: The Lost Amulets
http://tinyurl.com/ohzqpa
______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Barbie 50th Anniversary
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000122.html
Barmaid
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000123.html
Barman
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000124.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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