Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Sylvia, our cat is still with us. No one can even remember how old
she is, somewhere between 15 and 17 years old would be a good
estimate. Sylvia and her brother Sylvester were born in our
bedroom,
the two tuxedo cats from a litter of Muffin. Muffin, the cat who
always
wanted to sleep under the covers died about a year later from a
liver ailment and Sylvester and the rest of the litter were adopted
out through the PAWS organization. Sylvester didn't agree with his
adoption and the moment his new folks opened the carrier, Sylvester
took off. Over the years PAWS bought a cattery and we adopted the
last four animals that were left.
As the oldest of the herd, Sylvia has always been the queen of the
bunch and attached itself to Sandy. It would let you rub her head
for
an hour and still go back over to snuggle up to Sandy. Sylvia
doesn't
talk much except where food is concerned and she expects some
offering from your plate. In fact she is usually sitting right next
to you
10 minutes before your plate is, begging for some meat, preferably
raw, but if you insist on cooking it, she will eat that too. Right
now she
is laying on the bedroom floor in a patch of sunlight, warming her
bones.
Last winter was hard on Sylvia and I don't know if it some form of
arthritis that attacked her hips but she went from stiff back legs
to
almost completely paralyzed last month. It was on a Friday and I
called the humane society to find out about having her put to sleep.
We decided then to wait until Monday and strangely enough Sylvia
was back on her feet again and seems to be getting a little stronger
each day. I had worried when I decided to wait that she might get
worse and not have any options over the weekend but I guess my
waiting this time worked out. I have a feeling that Sylvia's days
are
numbered though, of course we all have that problem.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Ad Chips
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The truth about car ads ...
If The Ad Reads - It Really Means
Rough condition - Too bad to lie about
Parts car - Beyond repair
Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows
Immaculate - Recently washed
Concours - Recently waxed
Good transportation - It's ugly
Engine quiet - Uses 90-weight oil
Needs minor overhaul - Needs engine
Needs major overhaul - Phone the junkyard
Burns no oil - It all leaks out
Rebuilt engine - Cleaned the spark plugs
Engine blueprinted - I don't know what it means either
Excellent gas mileage - It's slow
Low miles - The odometer was turned back
One owner - Can't give it away
Sure to appreciate - That's why I'm selling it
Drive it away - I live on a hill
Drive it anywhere - Within 10 miles
Desirable classic - No one wants it
Rare classic - No one wanted it even when it was new.
Stored 20 years - In a lake
Ran when stored - Won't start
Never apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen
Solid as a rock - Rusted solid
Best offer - I'm guessing here
Restored, with 0 miles - Won't start
Faster than a 'vette - A Chevette
Restored, with 2 miles - Won't stay running
Older restoration - First owner washed it
Good investment - Can't be worth much less
No time to restore it - Can't obtain parts
90% complete - You do the other 90%
95% complete - Other 5% doesn't exist
One owner - Hertz
Great enthusiasts car - I'm looking for a sucker
Good tires - And that's all
House forces sale - Neighbors complaining
Trades considered - I'm desperate
Other interests conflict - Spouse's ultimatum - "Either that
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sister Mary Margaret enters O'Flynn's liquor shop. "I'd like
to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey", she tells O'Flynn.
The owner of the store shakes his head and frowns. "A bottle
of Irish whiskey? And you being a nun, too!"
"Oh, no, no," Sister Mary Margaret exclaims. "It's for Father
Reilly.
His constipation, you know."
O'Flynn smiles, nods and puts a bottle into a bag. Sister Mary
Margaret
pays, takes the bag and goes on her way.
Later that day, O'Flynn closes shop for the day. On his way home he
passes an alley. There in the alley is Sister Mary Margaret. She's
rip
roaring drunk, the empty bottle at her side.
"Sister!" O'Flynn scolds. "And you said it was for Father Reilly's
constipation!
"It is," answers Sister Mary Margaret. "When he sees me, he's gonna
shit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
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Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the Arabs were eating their dates.
I come from a mixed marriage. My mother was a big, fat, ugly Baptist
who married a skinny, little Jewish guy from New York. They divorced
when I was 12, and she sat me down one day and told me, "In 19 years
of marriage to your father, I never had an orgasm. Tell me. Is that
too much information for a 12-year old?" So I looked at her and
said,
"Of course not. Jews don't eat pig." Mom and I were never very close
after that. (Rich Orwell)
Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist
at
the VD Clinic."
The redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was
masturbating several times a day out in the barn. "Boy, you gotta
quit
that! Go out and git yo'self a wife." So the boy went out and found
himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a week or
so
after the wedding, the farmer found his son choking the chicken
again.
"You crazy boy!!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae's a fine young gal!!" "I
know Paw," the boy replied, "but her arm gits tired sometimes!"
This house was built by lesbians. There are no studs. It is all
tongue
in groove.
Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw
their client's wife in bed with another man. "Just as I suspected,"
said the first. "Let's go in after him." "Great idea," the other
replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"
Stan Kegel
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Yawning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The drug clomipramine has been known to cause orgasms in yawning
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This article sums it up quite nicely:
Some people prescribed an anti-depressant drug have found
an unexpected side effect: they have an orgasm when they
yawn. The drug clomipramine usually elevates mood and
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"There is a small subset of people who are affected this way,"
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understand they find this side effect quite pleasant."
One woman who took clomipramine told researchers it cured
her depression but she wanted to go on taking it because of
its peculiar properties. She found she could experience an orgasm
even
by deliberate yawning. And a man who had also taken the pills said
he
was "highly satisfied" with the drug's usefulness.
Around five per cent of clomipramine users report the side effect,
though for most people the drug inhibits the ability to reach
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The New Scientist says that the drug's users have been comparing
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Lightning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years
both
had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.
One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while
walking
home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking
across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally
terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the
hay
like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the
thunder.
With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the
wind
blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy.
Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament,
he
did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation.
After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his
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Pool Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now a few rules for what women can and cannot wear at a private
pool.
1) Thongs are encouraged..
met.
1A) There must be a direct correlation to the amount of total square
inches of skin, to the total amount of square inches of bathing
suit. In
other words, if you are any larger than a mini van, a string bikini
should be frowned upon.
1B) Thongs or ass floss as they have been come to be known in pool
and
beach circles, should be worn as long as there is not more cellulite
on
your buttocks than in one of Mel Gibson's Epic type movies.
2) Women with near perfect figures, cannot wear one piece bathing
suits... plain and simple. Damn, I know it's a sexist world, but
it's
the world that we live in.
3) Curlers are strictly verboten.
Now that Summer is here, here are a few rules for what men can and
cannot wear at a private pool.
1) Speedos. Speedos cannot be worn by men under the following
conditions:
1A) If when you look down, you can't see the color of your Speedo,
you
probably should not be wearing one. No matter how manly your chest
may
be, if your belly exceeds your chest, it is not arousing to women to
see
your skimpy bathing suit.
1B) If your belly hangs down over the top of the Speedo, you should
not
be wearing one. No, women are not impressed that you can do finger
acrobatics tying up your Speedo with only one hand, as the other
hand is
being used to lift up the fold of skin of your belly hanging
mercilessly
down over the top of your Speedo.
1C) If you have one of those penises that kind of stick straight out
as
opposed to hang down, you should not be wearing one. No, women do
not
get turned on by 1and a 1/2 inches of pure male passion raging from
your
loins.
1D) If you have a butt that is larger than most lawn chairs, skip
the
Speedo.
1F) If you are the type of guy who gets aroused when you see a woman
in
less than an overcoat and/or if there is a gentle breeze, you should
not
be wearing one. Teepees are for Indian reservations and not for the
pool
thankyouverymuch.
2) If you cannot wear a Speedo, and are wearing short type bathing
suits, please for the sake of all humankind, wear one with an inner
shell. There is nothing sexier than seeing your boys hanging down as
you
sit in that position that only a man can do so gracelessly, but it
is
impolite to be the cause of so many women getting so horny at
midday, so
keep your boys hidden.
3) No thongs under any circumstances.
4) If you wear sandals, do not wear white knee socks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movie Clips
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Why Women Stay Single
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Wishing Well
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Internet Cyber
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Ah L'Amour
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Indien
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Intro To Christ
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Inviro Wacko
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Jay Leno On Oil Drilling in ANWR
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Katen Luikje
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mark meets up with a friend on the street, and the friend can tell
Mark
is really pissed. He asks him what the matter is. Mark replies, "The
people at Victorias Secret are SO rude. There I am in their store
and
I'm trying to buy some panties for my lady, and I'm picking some
out...
and the manager asks me to leave!! All I was trying to do was decide
which ones I liked. So - I took the panties out of my mouth and took
my
business elsewhere."
Seeing my 11-year-old perusing a website filled with photos of
Britney
Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you
like best?"
"I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in
girls. "I'm just reading about her."
I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said. "So
when
did you learn to read Spanish?"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit," said a lady called Barr,
"That a penis is like a cigar;
But, in general, to people
A phallic church steeple
Is stretching the subject too far."
____________
There was a young girl named O'Malley
Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
She got roars of applause
When she kicked off her drawers
But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
____________
A Salvation lassie named Claire
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As she climbed into bed
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took a job at a bookstore once. The store prided itself on
customer
service, and one thing we were taught there was not to tell
customers,
"Have a nice day," after we rang them out, purportedly because it
sounded shallow and insincere.
Instead, we were supposed to say, "Enjoy your books."
So one day a woman comes up to my register with a copy of Yellow
Silk
("Journal of Erotic Arts"), Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden:
Women's
Sexual Fantasies," and Betty Dodson's "Sex for One: The Joy of
Selfloving."
I said, "Have a nice day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maury is sent from South Africa to Darkest Africa to live with a
primitive tribe. He spends years with the tribe, teaching them
reading,
writing, math, and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief
gives
birth to a white child.
The members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls Maury
aside
and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen, and
this woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to
figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, chief. You're mistaken. What you have
here
is a natural occurrence..
albino!
Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for
one
black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You
don't
say anything more about the sheep, and I won't say anything more
about
the baby."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From BJ in Guthrie
I did it again.
Saturday I was in the movie "The Killer Inside Me" being filmed at
120 N. Robinson in Oklahoma City. The location (First National
Bank)
was transformed into a Train Station. I was one of the many extras
that walked along the street. However, I was right next to Casey
Affleck during the filming and as this was supposed to be circa
1950's,
I made a point to tip my hat to the ladies. This made me stand out
in the crowd. The lady I was walking with, we stopped and had a
conversation, after crossing the street, and leaned against the
building right in the middle of a camera shot, legal and good, but
very visible. I was told I did a good job acting but I had to sit
out
for a while as I became too prominite. Extras are supposed to
be invisible, not visible, but I did what men did in the 1950's.
I have learned there are tricks to make an extra more visible, which
are more likely to get you called again. However, there is a line
you
do not want to cross.
Later in the 'Train' Station, as an extra they wanted us to mill
around.
I took my suitcase, sat it down, looked at an invisible schedule,
then
looked at my watch, picked up my suitcase and walked on. They gave
me compliments on my moves. The other extras were called out as
moving as 'Drones'.
I got a couple of pics of Casey Affleck from as close as two feet.
Nice
guy.
A cool experience. I am up for another movie in a month weeks if I
recover from surgery fast enough. (This would be my fourth movie)
BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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