Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The downtown district adjacent the Locks is a tourist haven full
of fudge shops and souvenir stands. Even though there is a
visitor center and tours, the clerks at the nearby shops sometimes
get to answer tourist's questions, like this incident from
http://notalwaysrig
(Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In
the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet
high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.)
Customer: "What's that fountain for in the park?"
Me: "What?"
Customer: "That fountain, right next to the locks. What's that for?"
Me: "The fountain in the park?"
Customer: "Yeah. What's that for? It's part of the locks, right?"
Me: "No, it's just a fountain."
Customer: "But what does it DO?"
Me: "It sprays water up and looks pretty?"
Customer: "Yeah, but what does it DO? It's part of the locks right?"
Me: "Uh. no. It's just a fountain. It's there for decoration."
Customer: "But what does it DO?"
Me: *sarcastically* "It. drains the locks."
Customer: "OH! That's so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the
fountain?"
Me:". No. It's a fountain."
Customer: "Oh. Well, you should."
(She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my
coworker.)
Me: "Did that just happen?"
Coworker: "We have to remember that one."
(And that's what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains
the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it
filters the Great Lakes.)
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Farm Chips
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Once upon a time there was a young redneck by the name of Jack. Jack
lived and worked on a farm with the farmer, the farmer's wife and
their
daughter Mabel.
One fine day as Jack was attending to his daily chores he saw Mabel
bending over to milk the cow. He felt himself become aroused for the
first time and, shocked, ran to find the farmer to explain this
strange
phenomena.
Upon finding the farmer he proceded to drop his trousers and whip
out
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"Farmer, farmer," Jack cried, "what is happening to my penis?"
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"Don't worry about it. It happens to all men."
"But I don't like it!" cried Jack.
"Well then," said the farmer, "next time it happens just go into the
milk shed, get some cow shit and rub it on your dick. It'll go down
quick smart, trust me."
The next day Jack was passing by the house when he looked in and saw
the
farmers wife having a shower. Feeling his member getting hard he
rushed
into the cow shed, dropped his pants and picked up two handfulls of
shit. Just then Mabel walked into the shed.
"What are you doing Jack?" asked Mabel.
"Well," Jack replied,"I'm gonna rub this shit on my dick to make it
go
down."
"That would be a waste." Mabel said as she laid down on the ground
and
lifted her skirt. "Why don't you stick it up here?"
So he did. Both handfulls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to
consummate
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confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's
no
big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been
with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger
Woods,
the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can
see
why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done,
the
husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?"
asks
the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room
service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh
yeah?
What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second
time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a
second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what
are
you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was
going
to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do
that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd comeback to bed and do it
again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one
more
time. When they finish, he's tired and beat. He drags himself over
to
the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room
service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's par for
this
damn hole!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Joe Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex
and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.
One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don't understand it.
That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn't
have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap
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"What the hell does he got that I haven't got?"
And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile
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go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your
penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?"
And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah. Of
course I do."
"But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?"
The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over
there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks
It!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just realized something. According to my junk e-mail, I'm bald,
impotent and in need of constant refinancing.
------------
Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. I am
suffering from Anal Glaucoma."
Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"
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------------
A woman sends her clothes out to a Chinese laundry. When they come
back,
there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a
note
to the Chinaman that says, "Use more soap on panties." This goes on
for
several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry.
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------------
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Drink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy went into a bar, sat down on a stool, and
ordered a Bloody Mary. The bartender said, "Sorry, we
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The guy asked, "Okay, what is it," and the bartender
said, "We've got a Harry Man." The guy said, "No
thanks."
Then the guy asked, "How about a virgin?" and the
bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't have that either.
But we got the next best thing."
The guy asked, irritated, "Okay, what is it?" The
bartender replied, "We got a Furry Belly."
The guy looked around and saw everyone drinking and
said, "All right, fine, I'll have one."
So the guy had about five, and when he was finished the bartender
walked
over to him and told him how much he had to pay. He reaches deep
down
inside his pocket and pulls out a couple handfuls of food stamps.
The
bartender looked at the food stamps and said, "Hey, this isn't
money!"
And the guy says, "I know, but it's the next best
thing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bathroom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darrell was standing at a urinal in a bar bathroom when this
enormous
guys walks in, unzips his pants and exposes the biggest dick in the
world -- four feet long, five inches thick and violently red and
angry.
The monster looks at Darrell, grabs his huge dick with
both hands, like holding a baseball bat, and gives it an almighty
swing,
smashing the porcelain sink to pieces!
He growls and leers at the now frightened Darrell, looks
around and with another almighty swing, smashes the condom vending
machine right off the wall!
After another hideous growl he slams his huge dick against the side
of
the urinal several times, bending the stainless steel into contorted
shapes!
All of a sudden he stops, looks Darrell straight in the eye and
shouts,
"The next place this porcelain smashing, vender bending, urinal
destroyer is going... is up your ass buddy!"
With that, Darrell lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Thank God
for
that, I thought you were going to HIT me with it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Father's Love
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Printables
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Little Brother
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chips Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mathematician: Shit happening is just a special case...
Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen.
Maybe.
Physicist (Theoretical)
Physicist (Experimental)
happen.
Engineer: I hope this shit holds together.
Chemist: I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
Biologist: Is this shit alive?
Economist: I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand
this
shit.
Beurocrat: I'm sorry, but we make this shit happen until you fill
out
form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy
Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...
CEO: (1980's) I've got all the shit I want. (1990's) Oh, SHIT!
Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Surgeon: Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
Psychologist: Shit is in your mind. Everything that happens is shit;
some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.
Programmer: It's shit, but at least it compiles.
Social Scientist: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
Politician: It's shit, but it'll get me elected. If you elect me,
shit
will never again happen. Shit happening is bad for the economy.
Waitress: You want fries with that shit?
Musician: This shit is out of tune.
Dean: Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
Accountant: Why doesn't this shit add up?
Linguist: What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri.
Quality Control Inspector: This shit ain't good enough.
IRS Auditor: I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax
forms.
Farmer: I get subsidies for my shit.
Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.
Mafia boss: Rub the little shits out.
NYC Cab Driver: Damn, looks like I hit that shit...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young woman named Susan
Who found it completely amusin'
To make love to three men
Although who did what when
Was frequently rather confusin'.
____________
Thanks to sex, a young woman named Carol
Looked delightful in model's apparel.
The slimming effect
Was best, I suspect,
When her man had her over a barrel.
____________
Any yard work, to me, is not play.
To my wife words of praise I did say:
"When you're out cutting grass,
You're my favorite lass,
And I lawn for you mower each day."
(Kirk Miller)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was once a woman who owned a dog that she named Titswiggle.
One
day when she came home from work she discovered that her beloved dog
had
run away.
She was out all night asking if anyone had seen a loose dog. Nobody
had
seen him that night but the next morning she met Little Johnny on
the
street, who said that he had seen a stray dog. The dog he described
matched hers exactly.
Upon finding out this information she asked Little Johnny, "OH,
Little
Johnny, you have seen my little Titswiggle, then?"
"No ma'am, but I sure would like to!!" Little Johnny replied.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes to his High School class reunion. Having
not seen anyone in twenty five years he's very curious
as to who might show up.
When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweet-heart.
They
sit down and talk about the past.
"How have you been?" he asks.
"I've been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although
I do have some good news and a little bad news, though."
"Bad news first, ma'am."
"Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy.
"Oh my, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that."
"But the good news is the doctor found your old high
school class ring you thought you lost!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1616
Tis the Little Things in Life that Makes Life Interesting
Rudy: Wake up Miss Tami, Wake up!
Tami: Click my heels three times and I will be home.
Katie: She is delusional.
Leprechaun: My but she is a frail lassie.
Rudy: She has been trough a lot in the past day.
Leprechaun: Let me introduce myself, I am Sean Michael O'Grady, but
you can call me Paddy.
Tami: Well Paddy we have some explaining to do, are you really a
leprechaun?
Paddy: I am not a Wraith?
Rudy: A whoseit?
Paddy: A wraith, they are bad and evil spirits and they are about
these
woods. We need to get inside.
Tami: So who is the midget?
Rudy: Careful, the faries told me about these guys and they have
powers.
Tami: Yeah, like this little smuck has powers.
Zap!
Tami: Purr purrr!
Rudy: She is purring like a cat.
Paddy: Just for a little while. I wanted to make a point.
Katie: Let's take her inside, she might need to use a litter box.
Tami: Meow!
Inside the castle at Rob's door.
Knock Knock!
Rob: Hello Katie.
Katie: We brought you your wife.
Rob: Thanks Katie.
Tami: Meow!
Rob: Oh, we are playing role games eh. Woof!
Tami: Hiss!
Rudy: We need to wake up Sandi.
Paddy: So how long are you going to be staying in the Emerald
Island?
Katie: I don't know. How long will Tami be a cat?
Paddy: About four more minutes.
In Rob's room.
Rob: So you don't want any normal food huh, but you do want some
cat food. Strange, but whatever.
Tami: Meow...
Tami eats the cat food and then licks her hand...
Tami: What the heck am I doing?
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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