Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Actually I am giving the
watch to Kansas Farmer so he can tell you a sea story. Enjoy.
A Navy tall tale from Kansas Farmer
Standing Rat Watch
by Dennis Hammer, CR Division 1968-70
A new man reported on board just fresh out of boot camp to one of
the deck divisions. I was told it was First Division.
A First Class Boatswain's Mate put him on rat guard watch. He had
him on the Quarterdeck standing at parade rest with a 2X4 when
Captain Fischer came on board. The sailor on rat guard watch came to
attention or port arms with the 2X4.
Captain Fischer walked over to him and asked, "What are you doing
sailor?"
"I am standing a rat guard watch , sir" came the reply.
"Well, what are your duties on the rat guard watch?" Captain Fischer
inquired.
"If any rats attempt to come up the forward brow I am to pursue and
try to kill them, sir."
"Who put you on this watch?" the captain asked.
"A First Class Boatswain Mate in my division" he replied.
Then Captain Fischer said, "I want you to go down and tell the
boatswain I want to see him."
"I can't leave my post until properly relieved, sir."
Captain Fischer took the 2X4 from him and said, "You are properly
relieved, now go get him."
A short time later the boatswain arrived on the Quarterdeck and
finds Captain Fischer with the 2X4 standing at parade rest. The
captain then comes to port arms, and hands the 2X4 to the boatswain
and says, "You have the next watch!"
Enjoy the chips...buffalo
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Random Chips
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Did you hear condoms are now being sold with a free calling card? ~
The attached instructions say, "If you can't come, call."
What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag?
~ Wake her up first!
Did you hear about the house that was built by lesbians?
~ There were no studs it was all tongue in groove.
What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
~ Two gays with hemorrhoids.
Why is death a lot like sex?
~ It feels funny for a second, but then it's over.
Why do women like wearing black panties?
~ It's a way for them to say, "In memory of those
who were buried here."
What is a Peter Pan?
~ A wash basin in a whorehouse.
What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
~ You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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What Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome to Buffalo-Lite, Humor some mature , some immature for
people
on the go.
«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide the eggs?
A: So his wife won't know he's been fucking a chicken.
------------
Q: What do blowjobs and flowers have in common?
A: After the first year they are only given on special occasions.
------------
Q: Why do Italians and Greeks wear moustaches?
A: To look like their mothers.
------------
Q: What is the definition of "Endless Love"?
A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
------------
Q: What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
A: Never Bin Laidon
«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»
Not So Sexy Butt Contest
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<a href=" http://www.jillsjok
So Sexy Butt Contest</a>
She Didn't Win The Contest http://www.jillsjok
<a href=" http://www.jillsjok
The
Contest</a>
«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»
One day, little Tommy, bored out of his mind, went to his father for
suggestions on what to do to pass the time. "I`ll tell you what,"
said
the father, "take this dollar and run into town and get me a dollars
worth of what`s what."
Tommy grabbed the dollar, hopped on his bike and rode into town.
Once
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worth of what`s what, please."
The pharmacist knew immediately that the boy was on a wild goose
chase
and said, "If you go across the street, to the house with the red
light
on the front porch, they can get you some what`s what."
Tommy ran across the street and knocked on the front door. A tall,
stunning blonde, completely naked, opened the door. Her "bush" was
right
in little Tommy`s face. Pointing to it he said, "what`s that?"
"What`s
what?" the prostitute replied. Tommy then replied, "Good, I`ll take
a
dollar`s worth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Heaven Chips
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Saint Peter, was sitting behind a desk on front of the gates of
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"State you name and tell me how you spent your life." he said.
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"Here is a golden key, it will open the Gates of Heaven."
And off the nun went.
"Next." said Saint Peter. "How did you spend your life."
"I spent my life like a normal human being." another woman said. "I
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"Here I give you a Silver Key. It is for the Pulgatory. You may go
now."
he said. "Next. Tell me, how did you lived your life?"
"Oh Saint Peter, my life was spent on parties, with a different man
every day. I loved a good dance, drinking, and having a different
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Pigs Chips
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A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard,
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The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another
and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field
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they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer,
"How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other
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then
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The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he
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wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs
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"Neither," reported his wife. "They're in the station wagon
and one of them is honking the horn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shipwrecked Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had
plenty
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After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't
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One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship
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first thing I want is to take a long, hot shower. Then they're going
to
give me some clothes and I'm going to go upstairs and have a nice
dinner.
I will find a nice lady to dance with, then I will take to her cabin
and
we can kiss and I can fondle her body. She'll start to take off her
clothes and she'll be wearing red silk panties!"
At this, he starts to get an erection. He slips his hand into his
shorts, grabs his pecker, and yells,"Ha Ha Ha!! I lied about the
ship!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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So the little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my
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He was sent home and his Mom asked him "What do you have in
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Happy Father's Day Dad
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Marlene-This world is not my home
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carolyn w/ Where Did They Go Lord ~ Elvis Presley
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Carol w/You Are
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The election is over. It is time to repair friendships with the
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Dick Cheney will lead them on the hunt, Ted Kennedy will drive them
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What a lady......that Sarah is such a sport and thinks of
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In my sweet little Alice Blue gown
Was the first time I ever laid down,
I was both proud and shy
As he opened his fly
When I saw it I thought I would die.
____________
A lubricious young woman named Gwen
Had never learned how to say "when!"
So she did it again
And again and again
And again and again and again.
____________
Dear Dad, you are getting quite old;
Your assets, I think, should be sold
And given to me
So that you can be free
To live out those years they call gold."
"Dear son, there's no reason to fret;
I haven't got Alzheimer's yet;
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'Till it's all pissed away;
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Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.
Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing
only a nightgown.
Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has
been run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash, n.. A rapidly receding hairline..
Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men
Harveythefrogprince
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw
so he yells down to a Jamaican worker on the 1st floor. He yells,
but
the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign
language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee
meaning
"need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The
Jamaican construction worker on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls
down his pants and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor
gets
so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts, "What the hell is
wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!" The Jamaican guy
says, "I know that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1619
(Taking a two day break from the Irish Trip)
Rudy's Gift to Dad
I had just spend a hard day cutting the grass, about three hours in
the heat. I took a shower to cool off, went downstairs and had
decided to relax in the cool basement. Rudy was on my bed. Rudy
usually sleeps East and West on my bed. This time he was positioned
North and South and also was in the middle of the bed. I knew what
he wanted.... dad.
I crawled into bed next to him. He rowled over and put his paw
over my shoulder and snuggled up. Rudy is the best dog to sleep
next to because he doesn't move. Soon I was gone. It probably
sounded like
a chainsaw convention in my bedroom. When I woke up two hours
later Sandi and Rudy were snuggled up to me, I was a daddy sandwich.
Rudy seldom does this, but when he does, it is appreciated. I
needed the nap and boy I really enjoyed it. Not that he didn't.
BJ in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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