Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Someone asked what the Navy's swim test was so I will see if I can
remember it. First you entered the water from a ten foot tower to
simulate abandoning ship. I don't know why you had to simulate you
didn't have a life jacket available, because Coast Guard rules say
everybody gets one but I had found out earlier that asking questions
was an invitation to do push ups. Then you have to swim the length
of the pool twice and tread water for two minutes. That didn't work
very well and about half way I had to be assisted by an instructor
with a pole to the side of the pool. We were then sent to training
as I mentioned after the weekend and taught how to swim and float on
our backs, which got me through the test , but I still knew that if
I had to do that in anything worse than a calm sea I was in trouble.
About 90% passed their test on that second try and were assigned to
their companies but some had figure that if they didn't learn how to
swim the Navy would send them home. They would let you fake drowning
for several weeks twice a day before that happened though. There was
at least at one person who was so deathly afraid of the water that
as soon as they attempted to assist him with the pole he tried to
climb up it and out of the water, and the instructor would just let
go of the pole. I suspect that person never made it through the test
because he was already on his fifth day there when we went through.
Then the Navy spent the afternoon teaching us how to swim
underwater and improvising life preservers. This consisted of taking
a pair of white pants, tying the legs and soaking them with water to
make them airtight. You then swung the pants over your head to fill
the legs with air and stuck the legs under your arms like water
wings to keep you afloat. Strangely enough it will keep you alive
and afloat so you will be fresh when the sharks get to you. To those
that watch Bear Grylls on Discovery Channel you probably saw him do
the trick with the pants although I thought the Navy's way of doing
it was better. We also found out that a " Dixie Cup " hat would also
keep you afloat but made using your arms impossible.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he
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he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train
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Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these
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Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the
train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out
and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"
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away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn
blared.
He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot
out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll
stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."
Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he
approached his assistant.
"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the
clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all
me patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and
asks: "So,Murphy, how was yer day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
"The farst one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did
sir" says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?"
asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a
young gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the
blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everythin including her
bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs
and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years
I've not seen any man!"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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============
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Sex Chips
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HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?
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wink at him, walk over and whisper in his ear, "You're cute, can I
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naturally progress from here.
WHERE SHOULD A MAN TAKE ME?
Because so many homosexual men like to take their "dates" out for
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WHAT ARE SOME "LOVING NICKNAMES" WE CAN USE?
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you" or "Uh, Miss?"
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One of the best and most frequently neglected substances is semen.
The
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HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?
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Invite
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IF I GET PREGNANT, HOW DO I KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS?
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HOW..."LONG"
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-imponderable
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The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words,
but
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or
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a
little something on your plate." When, after intercourse, you feel a
vague sensation that there could be "more to come," that "vaguely
unsatisfied" feeling," then you can be sure you've experienced a
sexually memorable adventure.
WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?
There is no such thing.
WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?
This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes.
If
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penis
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stimulating a man is performing a "natural" act. But a man seeking
to
put his mouth on or near your vagina is committing an "unnatural"
act
(why do you think they call the vagina your "private parts"?)
WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?
Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh,
followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you
are
"GIB." Another example of male "afterplay" is his turning on a
football
or basketball game immediately after climax. Many women find a
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snack,
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calories.
WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?
Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man
properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when
she
tries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with
him. If
this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on TV or
getting
your man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay" technique is to
invite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do whatever he
asks,
to him or to each other, while he watches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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============
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Gift Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of
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The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that.
A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie." The maid
grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for
Jenny, the serving girl?"
The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a
new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her
another apron."
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the
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"Of course," the woman replied.
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Picture Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob is very upset and says to Bill, "Look at this picture and tell
me
what you see."
Bill says, "That's me and your wife dancing."
Bob says, "Uh-huh, and look at this other picture and tell me what
you
see."
Bill says, "That's me and your wife kissing on the beach."
Bob is fuming now and says, "Well? What are you going to do about
these
pictures?"
Bill thinks a moment and says, "I'll take three of those, wallet
size,
and one of those 8 X 10."
buffalo says alternate ending
Bill says, "Do you have any pictures of me having sex with your
wife"
Bob says, "No, I Don't."
Bill says, "Do you want to buy some?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Salesman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sure you've all heard about the traveling salesman whose car
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"Oh !" said the salesman. Then thinking a moment or two said, "Just
how
far is it to the next house?"
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Movie Clips
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
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Finish Jackie
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Flirting Garbage men
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Football Season
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Mouse Wont Work
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M Rip It Up
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lottery Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well," she replies, "my boss and I played the lotto and we won, so
I
bought
it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
"Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I
bought
it with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving in a red Ferrari.
"Where did you get that car?" her husband asks.
Again she repeats the same story about the lotto and her share of
the
winnings.
That night, his wife asks him to draw her a nice warm bath while she
gets
undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is
barely
enough water in the bath to cover the plug at the far end.
"What's this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies,"WE DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR LOTTERY TICKET WET DO
WE?"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Bicester,
She was nicer by far than her sister;
The sister would giggle,
And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come if you kissed her.
____________
There was a Nabob of Madras
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When jostled together
They played 'Stormy Weather'
And lightening shot out of his ass.
____________
Said the Duchess of Chester at tea,
"Young man, do you fart when you pee?"
I replied with some wit,
"Do you belch when you shit?"
I think that was one up to me.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Party Chatter
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man
standing alone.
She approached him. "Hello" she said. "My name is Carmen Gold."
"That's a beautiful name" he said, "Is it a family name?"
"No", she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I
like most in life, Cars, Men and Fine Jewelry.
"What's your Name?" she asked.
He replied, "B.J. Titsengolf".
Gordon
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what's
wrong.
So Ray says, "I've been running from the cops but I finally lost
them."
Dewey then asked, "What the heck did you do?"
Ray replied, "I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to
arrest me!" "That's not against the law," said Dewey,
"That's what I thought," said Ray. "But those guys at Home Depot
sure
must have thought it was."
Karl
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1615
Can You Dig It Man?
Katie, Tami and with the assistance of Rudy are in burial grounds
with
the ghost of Sire Haggerty. Rudy was not to sure about this but
after
some bribing, a steak bone, decided to come along.
Sir Haggerty: Over here, by this stone lies my bones.
Katie: Rudy and I can dig very fast. Stand back Tami!
The two dogs dig like crazy and after a short while, bones appear.
Tami has a trash bag from the castle and soon the bones are
gathered.
Sir Haggerty: To the cemetery.
Katie: We do not have a marker.
Sir Haggerty: Tis not necessary. My bones just need to be at rest.
Later in the church cemetery. Katie: Again Tami, stand back and
let
us dig. A few minutes later, a deep hole is opened, Tami places the
bones in the hole and Rudy and Katie cover the hole.
Tami: Let us say a few words.
Sir Haggerty: I appreciate this kind friends...
Rudy: You are fading...
Katie: He is gone.
Tami: He will have his rest.
From the dark a voice: Tis a nice ting you have done, nice indeed.
Rudy: Look a Leprechaun!
Tami: It is just your imagination, there are no such things.
Leprechaun: I am a begging you pardon ma'am. Maybe you are my
imagination.
Thud!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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