Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Twenty one years ago this month I started working at the flywheel
factory. We were coming out of the financial mess the country had
gotten into in 1987 with all the savings and loans companies and
jobs were really scarce. I had interviewed for a lot of jobs and had
dozens of applications in and even though I was a local I was having
a hard time getting anywhere near the good jobs because of having
been out of the loop while I was in the Navy. Finally I was called
to
interview for a machine operator job that was paying 4.00 an hour.
I was way past the point of being too good to work at minimum wage
and the job did have a lot of benefits including regular raises,
promotions, profit-sharing, vacations, and Blue Cross. I was offered
a job immediately and started on afternoon shift the next day.
I mention all of this because that summer was hot, and a lot of days
were in the 80's and 90's. We were making rings, some of them
weighing 35 pounds that were hard to flatten or shape unless they
were normalized, in other words heated to 1500 to 1700 degrees
so that the work hardening from bending, welding, and sizing were
removed. We had a big belt furnace that did the heating and you
handled everything with tongs. Just firing that furnace up meant
that it would be 120 degrees plus in the shop until graveyard shift
but the temperature at the furnace and press was worst. I adapted
quickly and even though a lot of others balked at running the
furnace
I didn't mind if they put me there every day. Before I could get my
first raise, I got an offer to be in maintenance and a month later
was
the supervisor and before they closed down I was making 40,000
a year.
Looking back on that first day, I felt they must have thought they
got
a good deal when they hired me but I found out that someone had
bet that I would either pass out from the heat or quit before the
first
shift was over.
Enjoy the heat... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Least Popular Canadian Breakfast Cereals
10. Mulroney-Berries
9. Poutine Crunch
8. Frosted Beaver
7. Moose-Nuts
6. Bowlbacon
5. The Tragically Crisp
4. Tundra Bits
3. Igloo Grahams
2. Screech Squares
1. Crunchy, Eh?
^~^~^~^~^~^~
Did you hear about the Arab baker?
Every morning at 6:00 a.m. he'd bow to the yeast.
^~^~^~^~^~^~
Eminem has controversially been given permission to tour Australia.
The
tour goes ahead in spite of the incredibly obscene language, total
lack
of respect towards women, irresponsible attitude to sex & violence,
and,
of course, the dungarees. But despite all this, Eminem said he'd
make up
his own mind about Australians.
^~^~^~^~^~^~
Q: What's the best-selling brand of lipstick in Greece?
A: Preparation H.
^~^~^~^~^~^~
It was Sunday afternoon, and Pat and Mick were bored.
"Let's go to the pictures," said Mick, "we could see Moby Dick." "I
don't like them R-rated films," Pat replied. "Don't be so daft,"
said
Mick. "It's about whales." "That's worse," said Pat. "I can't stand
them
Welsh bastards!"
^~^~^~^~^~^~
A three year study was just completed on how different nationalities
treat their computer equipment. The study found the following:
- The Japanese are most likely to clean their keyboards
after every use.
- The Americans are most likely to spill food on their
keyboards.
- The Ukranians use their keyboards for spare parts for
their TV's.
- The Germans are most likely to pound on their keyboards.
- The French are most likely to give their keyboards to the
Germans without a struggle.
^~^~^~^~^~^~
Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street
singing
Danny Boy at the top of their lungs. They stopped in front of
Flaherty's
house still singing. After a few minutes, the window flies open and
Mrs. Flaherty yells out, "Why don't you drunken sots go somewhere
else?!" "Are you Mrs. Flaherty?" asks one of the drunks. "You know
damn
well I am," she says. "Well, can you tell us which one of us is your
husband so the other two of us can go home?"
^~^~^~^~^~^~
A tourist comes to New York. He goes up to a man on the street and
says, "Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me what time it is, or
should I
just go fuck myself?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
practical joke
http://www.thepostm
catching a break
http://www.thepostm
am I a people
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following are actual exchanges between airline pilots and
control
towers from around the world: While taxiing at London Gatwick, the
crew
of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn
and
came nose to nose with a United 767. An irate female ground
controller
lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:"US Air 2771, where the
hell
are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned
right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to
tell
the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her
tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever
to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you
to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I
want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew
responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly
silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the
irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every
cockpit
at LAW was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and
asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his
approach
speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right
at
the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit
off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last
aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!
aircraft:
"I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end
of
the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern
and have already notified our caterers....
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So
it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206
clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha
One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now." Ground (with arrogant
impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I
didn't
stop."
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker,
One o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've
always
wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
Overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our
start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer
you
must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying
a
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown
voice
(in a beautiful British
accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Archimedes, the well known truth-seeker,
Jumping out of his bath, cried "Eureka!"
He ran half a mile,
Wearing only a smile,
And became the very first streaker.
____________
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he's a college professor.
____________
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny asked his Mom if he could go to the local
carnival. She said, "Yes."
At the carnival Johnny won the ring toss and selected
a huge bag of M&M's for his prize. Excited he ran
home to show his Mom. After showing her his prize he
asked if he could have some M&M's.
She said,"Yes but, don't eat too many -- it's almost dinner."
She poured a small amount into his hand. Johnny tipped
his head back and popped the handful into his mouth.
He ran over to the house cat, picked it up, bit it, put it down, ran
outside, and jumped on his bike racing it around the house a few
times. Afterward Johnny went back into the house and asked for some
more M&M's.
Puzzled she poured some more into his hand. Again, Johnny repeated
actions a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time. Upon the 5th request his Mom
asked,"Johnny, what are you doing?"
Johnny replies,"I'm playing truck driver."
She says,"Truck driver? Can you explain?"
Johnny says,"Yes, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and driving like
hell!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Casino Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears
a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around: nobody's there. "I am having
hallucinations,
again: I SAID, DIG !
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands,
and after some inches, he finds a small chest with
a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a
rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the
chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.
The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO!
Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the
man takes the chest and walks to the casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE!
So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of
roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables
where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
The deep voice says: 27!
The man takes the whole pile and drops it at the
27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet
when the croupier throws the ball.
The ball stays at the 26.
The deep voice says: SHIT !
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alabama Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The vet told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could
fix
the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative,
said the vet, "is to go home,get a cherry bomb," (fireworks are
legal in
Alabama) "light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to
your
ear and count to ten."
The Alabamian said to the vet, "I may not be the smartest tool in
the
shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next
to my
ear is going to help me." "Trust me, " said the vet.
So the man went home, lit the cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He
held the can up to his ear and began to count.
>"1"
>"2"
>"3"
>"4"
>"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas,
Mississippi,
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Like The Wind
http://www.silveran
Though Eyes Of Love
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Surfin Surfari
There Goes the Bride
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Fuel Economy
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Boing 787 Dreamliner
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Background Basics
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Personal photo maker presentation
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Latex Body Paint
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Love Hurts
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Manettes Wii
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Merry Christmas
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Movies 1541
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Trying To Ride For Free
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Village Idiots
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Water Bike
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Why There Are No Italian Muslims
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65 Chevy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parking Attendant
Now this is my kind of guy. I just love him but like everyone else I
don't know his name either.
A Well-Planned Retirement* *From The London Times:*
Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150
cars and
8 coaches or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with
a ticket machine charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches £5
(about $7).
This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then,
one day, he just didn't turn up for work.
"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "we'd better phone up the
City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant...
"Err ... no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your
responsibility.
"Err ... no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was
employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"
"Err ... NO!" insisted the Council.
Sitting in his villa, somewhere on the coast of Spain, is a bloke
who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at £400 (about
$560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years.
Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over £3.6 million ($7
million)! And no one even knows his name.
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catholic Wives
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Cat Wtf
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bride kiss
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bridge 2
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tanning
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wet dress
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Porn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy goes to Amsterdam to videotape a presentation. While
staying in
his hotel he finds an awesome porn channel on the TV, but, alas, he
has
no VCR or way to record it.
With a flash of inspiration, he sets up his video camera, points it
at
the TV, and tapes a few hours of hard core video.
On arriving home, he tells his best friend about the trip. The
conversation gets around to the porn tape and the man lends his
friend
the tape.
A couple of days later, the friend returns the tape. "Did, ahh, did
you
watch your tape?"
"No. I was watching the original. Wasn't any need to see the tape."
"Well, uhh, before you lend it out again, maybe you should watch
it,"
the friend advises.
The guy did as he was advised. And never lent out the tape again.
You see, the fella had forgotten to take into account the
*reflective*
nature of a television screen . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy and a little girl, both about six years old, were
playing
in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing a little
sand between his legs to shift. The little girl notices and
squeals
with laughter. "How'd you do that," she asked "Easy," he
exclaimed, "I
just farted." "Can I try it," she asks? "Sure," he says, "anybody
can
do it." She concentrates as she strains and grunts. Suddenly,
there's a
huge explosion, the sides of the sandbox fly off, all the sand
flies
out, and the little boy is thrown 10 feet, landing up against a
tree.
He groggily gets to his feet, runs back to where the little girl
is. He
finds her laying on the ground, out cold, flat on her back, spread
eagle. Curiously, he lifts up her dress, peeks underneath, and
loudly
exclaims.
"Just what I thought, dual exhausts."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virus Alert ...
If you get an email titled "nude photos of Sarah Palin", don't open
it.
It could contain a virus.
If you get an email titled "nude photos of Nancy Pelosi," don't
open it.
It could contain nude photos of Nancy Pelosi.
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1630
The Flight Home
Rob is waving at the plane as it takes off, his steamship ticket in
hand.
Tami: I am glad Rob weighs just over two hundred pounds.
Rudy: I feel for the guy though.
Tami: Nonsense, our marriage is for better or for worse and for my
shoes.
Katie: Would you care for a magazine to read during your flight?
Tami: Thanks... Hmmm 'Shoe World'
A few hours later...
Over the intercom
Sandi: We are flying over the Azores, home of the world's largest
Shoe Store Outlet.
Tami jumps out of her chair: We must land!!!!! I must shop!
Her eyes are glazing over.
Sandi: Well we would have a chance to fuel..
Rudy: Sandi said we could land.
Tami to herself: Must buy shoes, must buy shoes. Ha hah hah.
Rudy to Katie: I think we need to give her a tranquilizer.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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