Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I loved the time that I spent in the Navy doing supply work. I
continued doing it even when I was an E-6 and could have
easily picked someone else to do it. I like spending money,
especially other people's money and there was plenty to be
spent. Every three months you were given a fresh operating
budget that might be 100,000 dollars or maybe 2,000,000
depending on where you were. Out to see you had less and
during repair periods they gave you enormous amounts of
money. Major items came out of funds that were managed
by the type commanders, so if you needed a new 100,000
dollar pump or turbine, you didn't pay for it. My money was
spent on the stuff that keeps the Navy running, rags, tools,
cleaning supplies, and steel toed shoes. When I got tired of
spending money at serv-mart which is like a combination of
Sears and Office-Max I broke out my Defense Property Disposal
catalogs and took a look at what I could get for cost of shipping.
It was just after Vietnam and there was buildings full of material
that had been ordered for the troops over there that was now
surplus. People wanted the right angle flashlights that they used
on the flight deck, I got 600 of them and 5,000 D-cells to go
along with them.
I had some other great deals in my forays into surplus. I got two
pallets of white paint that completely painted out our machinery
room for nothing but they wouldn't let me pick up the 1965
Ford ambulance for a shop vehicle. The biggest deal was a 1000
8 oz ball peen hammers that were stored in Korea. When they
said they had a 1000 I expected to get a handful which we used
mainly for making gaskets. You laid a piece of gasket paper over
a flange or a part and gently tapped around the bolt holes and
edges with the hammer. It was much faster and more precise
than trying to draw a template and cutting the paper with a
pair of scissors, a tool that you normally did not have in your tool
box. These were great hammers with fiberglass handles and rubber
grips. After I passed out enough for every person in engineering to
have one, I still had cases left to trade with other departments.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Elephant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bloke walks into a bar with an elephant. "This elephant will do
anything," he announces proudly.
"All right," says the barman. "Make it stand on one leg."
So the bloke lifts the elephant's ear up and whispers something to
the elephant.
Moments later the great grey beast lifts itself up onto its hind
legs
then carefully balances itself up on one leg.
The crowd in the bar go wild with enthusiastic cheering.
"Very clever," says the barman. "Now lets see it fuck my cat."
And so saying, he plonks the genial bar cat onto the bar.
The bloke with the elephant thinks a moment then takes the cat and
places it on the floor in front of the elephant (who is still poised
Bolshoi like on one leg). He gets up on tip toe and whispers
something in the elephant's ear.
As silence descends on the drinkers in the bar, the man steps back
and the elephant teeters over and comes crashing down, splattering
Tiddles across the floor.
"There you go," says the bloke. "That's fucked it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
booty queen
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bottles
http://www.buffalos
bottom lines
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bottomless cheerleaders
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bought drink
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having flashed his light into the back of a
parked Mini-Van behind a local burger joint, the
Policeman gasped, "Are you two actually having
sex in the parking lot ?"
"Why no officer." drawled the sweet young thang.
"This here fellow is just helping me practice in
case I meet a strong handsome Policeman
I could really go for."
Jill: I just found out why cunnilingus is called eating
while fellatio is a blow job.
Nadine: Why is that Jill?
Jill: The terms were invented by a woman to make the one sound
enjoyable and the other like work.
Scientists say Viagra may be able to help reverse the growth of
enlarged hearts. How does it know what to make bigger and what to
make smaller? - Jim Barach
Little Johnny ran out to a field his Pa was plowing to report,
"there's a strange man at the house. I dunno what he wants." "Son,"
the father told him, "if it's the landlord, he wants his rent. If
it's the banker, he's come to foreclose the mortgage. And if it's a
traveling salesman, you run home fast as your legs will carry you
and
sit in your maw's lap til I get there!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diplomatic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old professor got a job on the railways as a steward one summer,
and
the first day he accompanied another steward to learn the ropes.
"It's
very simple," said his tutor, "just use diplomacy."
"What's diplomacy?" asked the old professor, as that was something
he'd
never needed while teaching.
"Watch me, I'll show you," said the steward-in-charge.
Off they went down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors,
opening them with special keys and offering tea or coffee. When the
tutor steward flung open one door, he was confronted with a
buck-naked
woman. Without batting an eyelid he asked, "Tea or coffee, sir?"
The surprised woman took the cup of tea and he shut the door.
"Wow, did you see that cutie?" said the old professor excitedly.
"She
had no clothes on! But hey, why did you call her 'sir'?" "That's
diplomacy! I did not want to embarrass her," said his tutor.
The old professor was most impressed with his teacher. The next day,
on
his own now, he flung open a door to a compartment and found a
couple
making love on the bed.
"Tea or coffee, sir?"
"Tea," the man replied.
"And for your brother?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!
Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to
increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a
concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers,
and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family
car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time
of high gas prices. buffalo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny got the crabs from a girlfriend and wanted to know how
to
get rid of them. There are three options.
1. Hold a mirror opposite of your genitals and the crabs will think
that
there is another crotch to jump off onto.
2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire and
stab the crabs with an ice pick when they run out of the first half.
3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk
duds.
When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement be
sure
to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can eat some
of
the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs really
thirsty,
and they will go to the lobby to get some water. While they are
gone,
you get up and move to another seat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bus Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome to Buffalo-Lite, Humor some mature , some immature for
people
on the go.
«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»§«¤»
A woman gets on a city bus. She looks at the driver and holds up one
hand; the driver holds up two hands.
Next, the woman points up; the driver points down. Then, the woman
grabs
her breast; the driver grabs his crotch.
Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.
A curious passenger asked the bus driver what the odd motions were
all
about.
The driver explained, 'The woman is a deaf-mute. She asked me if a
bus
ride is five cents, and I told her it was ten cents. Next, she asked
if
the bus was going uptown, and I told her it was going downtown.
Then,
she asked if the bus was going past the dairy, and I told her it was
going past the ballpark...'
The passenger interjected, 'Okay, but why did she grab her butt as
she
left the bus?'
The driver continued, 'She replied, 'Oh shit, I'm on the wrong bus!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barbie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rug Burn Barbie: Comes with raspberries on knees and buttocks.
Lactating Barbie: To be released nine months after Rug Burn Barbie.
Butch Barbie: Comes with short hair and big fingers.
Strap on Barbie: To be used with Butch Barbie.
Backdoor Barbie: Comes locked in one position with small bottle of
K-Y
Jelly.
Crack Whore Barbie: Comes with track marks, cold sores, and matted
hair.
Body Piercing Barbie: Comes with optional labia rings
(also available in two-pack with Crack Whore Barbie.
Oral Barbie: Comes with a permanent expression of surprise.
And the number one Barbie I'd like to see on shelves in time for the
holiday
season:
S & M Barbie: Comes with retractable whip sticking out of her ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Preschool Years
http://silverandgol
John w/ Oh My Pa Pa
http://heavens-
carolyn w/ These Hands_Johnny Cash
http://carolynsprec
Cuppycake was Lynn's favorite
http://www.alightho
Palms Of God
http://www.Shangral
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Surfin Surfari
The Spot to Save - link to various savings at various stores
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Nationwide recall of Nestle cookie dough announced via Myron
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Sword Swallowing To The Hilt!
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Amusement Rides
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
How do they do that with HTML?
http://www.tashian.
5 Basic Rules of Web Design
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GScripts.net
http://gscripts.
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Animal World
Bear Playground
http://www.shangral
Kitty Korner
http://www.catsback
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Movie Clips
Duck Job
http://www.buffalos
Excedrin
http://www.buffalos
Excuse Me Miss
http://www.buffalos
Fairytale Ending
http://www.buffalos
Flashlights
http://www.buffalos
Ollie
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Parrot Plays Golf
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Pepsi Please
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Pilobolus
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Ponies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joan had invited her younger sister, Nancy, to leave her country
home and come to the city for a weekend visit
with her and her husband, John. And to see how the urban half lived.
She also arranged for a friend of hers named Bill to take Nancy out
for a night on the town.
After a pleasant dinner and a show, Bill and Nancy went to Bill's
apartment for a nightcap.
They talked and listened to soft music for a pleasant interlude;
then Bill suggested they retire to the bedroom for some love making.
"Oh, no," Nancy protested. "I don't think my sister would like it."
"Nonsense," said Bill, as he gently took her arm. "She loves it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
witness protection program
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getting the vote
http://www.thepostm
thank goodness you're here!
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Blowup
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Bluetooth
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BMW
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a whore named Nellie,
who's clients complained she was smelly.
She was given some soap,
the kind dangling on rope,
but never made it past her belly.
Nellie's next was a tender young buck,
come to call for his very first fuck.
He went down for a nibble,
alas, there was dribble.
She was already full of cum, darn his luck!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Philosophy of sex
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night." --Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal,
particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at
the
taxidermist.
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." --George
Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight
are
unimportant.
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships.
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's
reading." --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
--Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,
but
he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara
had
a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as
the
only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy
Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are
just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men
are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause
severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I
know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and
only
enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda and surprises
her
Mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles
and
serving the matzoth ball soup.
The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her
daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about
what
you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married."
"Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without
telling
me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?" "He's waiting
outside
on the porch while I tell you." "What are you talking about? Bring
him
in. I want to meet my new son-in-law."
The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees
a
black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod
piece,
an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very
tall
spear in an upright position.
The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both
cheeks
and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, You Idiot. . .I said RICH doctor!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1626
Locking onto the Loch
The mist forms onto the Loch.
Rudy: Bloody well can't see a thing.
Tami: Since when do you speak like the Brits?
Katie: Aye Rudy, since when Laddie?
Tami: Good grief, not you too Katie.
Sandi: Ahoy, a shape off the portside moving about eight knots.
Rob: Not?
Tami: A knot is term for speed Rob.
Rob: Not so.
Tami: Hand me the glass Katie.
Katie: Here ya go Tami.
Tami: No, no not that kind of glass, a telescope, not a drinking
glass.
Katie: I thought you were drinking a bit early today, but...
Rob: Are you drinking already Tami?
Tami: No I am not, I just wanted a glass.
Rob: Here you go honey.
Tami: No, not that kind of glass Rob.
Rob: There you got with the not again.
Tami: I see something... it is vague in the mist.
Rudy: Do you want we should get closer Miss Tami...?
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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