Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Everytime I start thinking that maybe I could be saving a little by
switching to Charter Cable they blow it. If they could just go a
month without losing their signal for an evening I might change
over. I do pay 70 bucks a month for little more than basic cable
because I like watching the Discovery Channel and my sports
and it shouldn't be too much to ask for to be able to sit here on
a Friday night and watch a baseball game without having the
picture freeze at some of the best points of the game. By the time
they got the signal back the whole situation had changed and you
missed the best parts. I finally turned the sound off and turned the
radio on and listened to the game on AM. At least that way when
it was two out bases loaded and it froze in the middle of a swing
I didn't have to wait in suspense to hear that it had been caught.
Speaking of Discovery Channel, I guess there will only be one
season of Pitchmen after Billy Mays passed away today. On
the other hand it may make surfing on the net a little quieter
without Billy screaming at you from flash ads at the top of the
page. He was a good salesman, not as good as Ron Popiel
but better than the weasel that does the Shamwow commercials.
I have used Oxy-clean and some of the other stuff he pitched.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Computer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day while returning to my desk after a routine call, one of our
blonde female employees flagged me down and asked for help.
"My floppy drive won't work, can you help me?"
I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where
I
found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her
3.5" floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her
disk out and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys in the
corner of the office trying awful hard to keep a straight face.
Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the
drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!"
"Condom???"
"Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my
disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses"
By this point John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard
3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played and she shouldn't do that anymore, then she asked in
a dead-serious voice: "Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten
times or blow on it either?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
bottom line
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believe me
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an unfortunate misunderstanding
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Brain Of The Typical Male
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Brain Teasers
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Brave Climber
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an
older
priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple
confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub
your
chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest
suggests,
"Try
saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did
you
feel about that?'" The new priest says those things. The old priest
says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to
be
her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all
sit
down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a
little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli
casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other
choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty
little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she
even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked
over
at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a
rather stern voice, "Skippy!!!"
The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her
face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain
again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
longer
fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!!!"
Once
again the woman smiled and thought, 'yes!' A few minutes later the
woman
had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about
it.
She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman bought a parrot. The woman asked
if it would behave if she took it to church with
her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a
problem and that she could put him on her
shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the
parrot and the next week she put him on her
shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone
quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot
looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned
cold in here!" Everyone turned to look at her,
she ran out of the church in total embarrassment!
The next day she returned to the pet store and
explained the embarrassing situation to the
owner. The owner offered the following solution,
"If the parrot does that again, grab him by the
legs and swing him around 5 times and return him
to your shoulder."
So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church
and, sure enough, just as the sermon started the
parrot squawked, "its goddamned cold in here!"
Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his
legs, swung him around 5 times and placed him
back on her shoulder. The parrot shook his head,
ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty fuckin'
windy, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men are on a road trip when they pull
over to stay at a hotel that they see. They go
in and see the lady, who apparently runs the
joint and they ask her for a vacant room.
She replied, "Sure, but only if you DON'T go
into the basement!".
The men agree and she gives them a room.
That night, the men are so curious that
they sneak into the basement only to find that
it's full of chopped off dicks!!
The woman that runs the places sees them and
says, "Okay, now I'm going to have to add you
all to my collection."
She asks the first man, "What does YOUR father
do for a living?" and he says "Well, my dad is in the lawnmowing
business."
So the woman finds a lawnmover and off goes his
dick.
The woman asks the second man, "What does YOUR
father do for a living?" and he replies in tears "My dad
is in the tool supply industry."
So she finds a saw and off goes his dick.
The woman then turns to the third guy only to see that
he is laughing hysterically!
"Why the hell are you laughing?!? Don't you know what's
going to happen to you!?!"
He smiles and says, "Yeah, my dad is in the lollipop business -
you're
gonna hafta suck mine off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Heaven Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our
computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week,
but
you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring
above
the Rocky mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any
of
this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep
track
of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a
stud."
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter
to
recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?"
He
asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere
over
the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove
to
be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota!"
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Outhouse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maw is outside hangin up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the
kitchen.
Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there
outhouse."
Paw says, "All right, Maw." Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at
it,
and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole."
Paw says "I ain't puttin my head in that there hole!"
Maw says, "Well you're gonna have to if'n you're gonna fix the
problem!"
Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and
he
hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."
Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my
beard's stuck in the cracks in the seat!"
Maw says, "Aggravatin'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Precious Friends
http://www.silveran
POLICE: TV PITCHMAN BILLY MAYS FOUND DEAD AT HOME
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Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
GALE STORM, STAR OF '50S HIT TV SERIES, DIES AT 87
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley
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Movie Clips
Taint
http://www.buffalos
Taint Taster
http://www.buffalos
Time to Leave Home
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Triceratits
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Un BarDame
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Court House Shooting Idiot
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Cutest Plumber
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Deer Jumps Cycle
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Drag Race Slomo
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Dry Retriever
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where
he used to work when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came
in
and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her
husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a
while.
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned
over
to John. "Don't look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five
just
walked in. And he's got a gun."
Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss
me
on the lips."
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the
checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, Your husband is
suffering from severe, long-term stress and it's affecting his
cardiovascular system. He's a good candidate for either a heart
attack
or a stroke. If you don't do the following four things, your husband
will surely die. First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast
and
send him off to work in a good mood. Second, at lunch time, make him
a
warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he
goes
back to work. Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and
don't
burden him with household chores. Fourth, and most important for
invigorating him and relieving stress, have sex with him several
times a
week and satisfy his every whim in bed. On the way home in the car,
the
husband turned to his wife and asked So, I saw the doctor talking to
you
and he sure seemed serious. What did he tell you?
You're going to die,
she replied
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
burgers
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bush
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bush and bush lite
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bush condoms
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bush and turkey
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young Alice is known for her poise
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
But then when she has 'em
At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.
There was a young Scot in Madrid
Who got fifty-five lays for a quid.
When they said, "Are you faint?"
He replied, "No, I ain't,
But I don't feel as good as I did."
A beautiful harlot had great abilities
Famous for wearing two big rubies.
She'd paste two brilliant stones,
On her nipples, let out a few moans
And watch them dance on her boobies!
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The guy at the bar was lamenting to the bartender that he met his
wife in a brothel. "You shouldn't be so unhappy about it," the
barkeep
said. "It's actually really romantic." "Oh, yeah?" responded the
man.
"Well, I thought she was home taking care of the kids, and she
thought
I was bowling. And to clinch it all, the Madame wouldn't give me my
money back and refused to give me another girl, so I had to pay
to fuck my wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK, here's the real story. That wasn't Michael Jackson they put in
the
ambulance. It was the body of a homeless person. Jackson has been
spotted
working in a suburb of Dowagiac, Michigan. He's working as an
assistant manager
for his father-in-law, Elvis, at a Wendy's hamburger emporium. He
said if he can
get his legs working again he's going back on the comeback trail.
Presley was
quoted as saying "that boy sure could dance".
I know this for sure because I read it in the newspaper at the
grocery
store check-out line....really. Just wait until the mainstream media
gets wind
of this story.
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1633
Put Your Left Foot Out, Put Your Left In...
Rob: I think that is a bit excessive, two pair is enough.
Tami: NOOOOO!
Salesperson: I could retire with this sale.
Rob: I have had your shoe trunk put on my boat and I am flying with
you.
Tami: NOOOOOO!
Rob: So which TWO pair do you want?
Tami: NOOOOOO!
Rob: Okay, then we are leaving.
Tami: NOOOOOO!
Katie: Rob, I think she forgot English.
Rudy: It's been a bit rough since she landed.
Tami: Gulp! Okay, I will take the Dark Black pair and the Heavy
Black
pair.
Rob: I can't tell the difference between the two.
Tami: It is because you are a man. Anyone can see the difference
between Dark Black and Heavy Black.
Katie whispering to Rudy: You see the difference?
Rudy: Nope.
Rob: I will even pay cash for the two pair.
Salesperson: Hrumpt! I could have retired.
Rudy: We will meet you at the plane guys.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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