THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but
in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
It has been days since I've been out riding the bike.
Last week, a couple days not feeling well. Then it
seems like there are days of rain. Then something else
turns up. Lately, with the rain, son and I have been
keeping time down at the billiard hall. He is a yahoo
pool champ and made the mistaken assumption that he would
excell in real pool also. So, one day just to prove him
wrong, we went down and I showed him what the real deal was.
Altho I enjoy it, I suck at the game, but we had fun anyways.
And if you go in the early afternoon during the day, there
are very few people there. So there's not a lot of folks
around to laugh at you. The nice thing was, all I've ever
played was 8 ball. But Doug, the owner,
took the time to teach us how to play snooker. Try it some time.
its a lot of fun. Skies are supposed to clear off today.
So hopefully I can eat up some pavement and get the Honda
Shadow out of the shed.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
heart treatment
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g030.html
womens bookstore
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g031.html
don't point that thing young man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g032.html
I'm not a little boy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g033.html
mingle
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g034.html
I'm miserable
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g035.html
she's not my wife
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g036.html
I don't know about you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g037.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Hula hoop baby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5688.html
the little red dress
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5690.html
drink beer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5692.html
bad pit stop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5693.html
funny clips
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5694.html
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe,
as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car
along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard.
Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.
Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car,
but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog.
Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious.
With her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside,
Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.
After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light,
which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts,
"Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty.
We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt.
Can I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replied the hunchback,
"but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs.
"I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor;
I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic,
and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do.
Igor, bring them down to the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty
and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.
Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion
and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
"Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."
Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.
Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly.
Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano.
For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play,
and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement,
and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the
haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
____________
Questions and Answers from AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ."
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
______________
A physician told this story about her then 4 yr. old
daughter.
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her steth-
oscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it
up and began playing with it. 'Be still, my heart,'
thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my
footsteps!'
Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to
McDonald's. May I take your order?"
_____________
Hal is petrified of girls, so he asks his friend Lenny how he meets so
many nice chicks. Lenny says, "I have a surefire method to feel them out.
I go up behind a girl and whisper, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?'
And when she turns around and asks what I said, I say, 'Typical nasty
weather.' If she smiles or laughs, I know she has a sense of humor,
we chat, and it all happens naturally. Try it."
The next night, nervous but desperate, Hal goes to a very crowded bar,
and sits in the corner, stewing, nursing a drink, getting more uptight
every second. Finally, he walks up behind the nicest girl in the place,
and after a few minutes of stammering, blurts out so everybody can hear,
"Stick my finger in your ass?"
She turns around and says, "WHAT!?"
He says, "It's freaking pouring outside."
_____________
A very shy guy goes for a drink and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone
at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes
over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with
you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her
lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you!"
Everyone in the bar stared at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and
completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She
smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a
graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to
embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What ya mean you want
200 bucks for a blow job?"
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Mystery Case Files: Madame Fate
http://tinyurl.com/qmkk3t
Flash Crisis
http://tinyurl.com/dzca7b
Blackbeard's Island Deluxe
http://tinyurl.com/cf5nkd
____________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Imodium Lingerie Advert
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001667.html
Helicopter Accident
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001668.html
____________
BUFFALO Bill
Men's Locker room
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010907.htm
Magic Finger Find The G Spot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010908.htm
My new Philosophy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010909.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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