Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today the temperature is a comfortable 75 degrees but I still don't
feel like doing anything, I am beginning to think that that isn't
heat
related. I finished all my work early yesterday so that I could go
get a haircut, my traditional summer, cut it all off, haircut. I got
there
and the barber shop parking lot was packed. Must be something
going on and once again I wasn't invited, maybe they are all going
to Michael Jackson's funeral. That seems to be the hot topic of the
moment everywhere with two lines forming, one that wants to throw
flowers on his grave and the other group that wants to spit on it.
I agree with both groups, that he was a talented singer and a really
weird human being.
This is car show weekend in Saint Ignace and the antique, custom,
and
muscle cars will be lining the streets. I went through there last
year and
it was like being a teenager again going through my Hot Rod
magazines
and dreaming about what I could buy with 5,000 dollars. If it wasn't
for
the heavy traffic I would head back down there tonight.
Enjoy the chips and be careful out there .
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three golfers, Jesus, Moses and an old man, get to the 18th tee.
It's all tied. All three have the same score.
Jesus' second shot goes into the water and lands on a rock. He walks
on the water out to the ball and hits it within a foot of the hole.
Moses` second shot also goes into the water and sinks. He parts the
water and then hits his ball within a foot of the hole.
The old man also hits his second shot into the water, but it lands
on a water lilly. A frog comes out of the water and takes the ball.
Just then a bird swoops down and grabs the frog and carries him,
with the ball, right over the 18th hole where the frog drops the
ball right into the cup.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate playing with
your Dad."
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob was such a womanizer. Everywhere he went, he
was always hitting on women. True to his form, he
was at a department store one afternoon and was
attracted to one of the saleswomen and proceeded
to see if she would go out with him that evening.
She snapped at him, "I know your type. You think
you can take me for drinks, and then try to get
me back to your apartment, and then get me in to
your bed. I can read you like a book."
Bob just smiled and said, "Well then, don't miss Chapter
5, it's a doozie."
~~
"And what was the culmination of events that led
you to file this action?" asked the man's
attorney in the divorce hearing.
"All through our marriage my wife was less than
fully responsive to my sexual initiatives,
replied the husband, "but the clincher came one
morning at the breakfast table."
"Why? What happened?"
"She announced, 'Just so you don't get your hopes
up, I'm already beginning to get a headache.'"
Betty's girlfriend was relating, "Well after over
a half hour of pretty heavy making out, I asked
him, "Are you ready for some oral sex now?'"
Betty commented, "Oh wow, I bet he jumped at that suggestion?"
Her friend said, "Yeah he did, but he damn nearly
fell off the couch when I said, 'Good ! ... then
you can go home and call me.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny runs into the living room one day and says, "Mom, why
has Granny got a shrimp between her legs?"
"Don't be silly; Granny hasn't got a shrimp between her legs!" his
mother replies.
But Little Johnny is insistent "She has, she has!" he shouts.
With this his mother grabs Little Johnny by the hand and says, "Ok,
I have had enough of your foolishness. Show me!"
Little Johnny drags his mother into grandma's room where, being a
very hot evening, Granny is fast asleep on top of her bed with no
clothes on. Little Johnny drags his mother to the end of the bed and
points between Granny's legs. "Look I told you so" he says. "See the
little shrimp!"
His mother calmly decides she had better explain. "OK, Johnny, I
know it looks a bit like a little shrimp but it's called a
clitoris."
"That's funny" retorts Little Johnny "It tastes like shrimp..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Buga Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This joke was handed down through 37 generations of buffalos
Three guys go the Amazon on a vacation. While there they fool
around,
get lost, and are captured by a tribe of bad ass natives. They are
taken into the deepest, darkest part of the jungle and tied onto
poles
in an opening.
After night had fallen and a huge bonfire was blazing, all the tribe
members assembled and began chanting and making merry in
anticipation of
a great evenings fun at the expense of our three vacationers.
Suddenly, a hush falls over the crowd - the Chief had arrived! He
goesover to the first guy tied to a pole and asks, "DEATH, or Uga
Buga?"
The guy, not knowing what it is, answers that he'll take the Uga
Buga.
the crowd breaks into an uproar! Eight of the biggest, strongest
and
most virulent savages step out of the crowd, take the guy loose from
his
pole, bend him over a log and sodomize him for 30 minutes. The
crowd is
elated!
The Chief walks over to the second guy, and asks "DEATH or Uga
Buga?"
The second guy looks at the first guy, still gasping for breath and
writhing on the ground, and swallows hard. He thinks to himself, "I
don't know if I can take that or not, but I'm too young to die." He
also chooses Uga Buga!
Again, the crowd erupts in glee. Eight more savages emerge from the
crowd, take the second gut off his pole, and sodomize him for 45
minutes!
The third guy is in a real sweat! The king approaches him and asks
"DEATH or Uga Buga?"
The third guy looks over at the first two guys. It is not a pretty
sight. He swallows hard and answers "DEATH!"
The Chief is astounded! With a very puzzled look he replies, "OK,
DEATH! DEATH BY UGA BUGA!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shrimp Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh shrimp,
ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the
window.
After he had gobbled a few of them down a woman opposite him said,
"Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch."
"Listen, love," He replied, "It's got nothing to do with you, I've
paid my fare for this journey and I'll do what I damn well want on
this train."
He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the
window and eating the shrimp. Finally he finished the bag and
settled back for a little sleep.
The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear
while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her
knitting needles.
After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, "Could you
stop that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"
"It's got nothing to do with you," replies the woman, "I've paid my
fare and I'll do what I want on this train."
At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of
the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train
alarm cord.
The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined $200
for that!"
To which the old woman replied, "And you'll get six years after the
police smell your fingers."
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Coyote Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this on my dad.The
reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!"
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-
years.
So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her
mounting
fears.
Full of grins and mischief and in the
flower of his youth little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but
he
always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got
this
here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and
killed
Ma's best milk goat. And last night when Dad heard a noise out in
the
chicken pen he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back
again, I'm a gonna git him!'"
"'Stay back," he yelled to all us kids, "I wouldn't want ya hurt!'
He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the
henhouse
he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that
double
barrel through the window of the coop.
As he stared into the darkness with coyotes on his mind,our old
hound
dog Zeke had done woke up and come a sneakin' up behind Dad. Then we
all
looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'."
"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this
mornin'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Singer Michael Jackson dead at 50
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Movie Clips
Nandos Chips NAND
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Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
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Never Trust A Women
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Oh Shit
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An Intellectual Blonde
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Asking For Directions
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Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American
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Beer Pong
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redhead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Redhead - A Chemical Analysis"
Element: Redhead
Symbol: RH
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 125, but known to
vary 105-195.
Discoverer: It's debatable, some say Adam, but we
now know, that only G~d could discover something
so perfect.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas,
with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and
Rural areas. Subject to seasonal or fashion
fluctuations. Often accompanied by GY (green eyes)
element.
Physical Properties
Surface usually covered with minimal painted film.
As a rule, not necessary.
Boils at everything, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches.
Handle with care!
Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal
to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties
Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and
many precious stones, especially diamonds and
emeralds. (Something to do with the previously-
mentioned GY element.)
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
Reactive in liquids, even more, increased activity
when saturated in alcohol.
Repels cheap material.
Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can greatly improve hormonal levels.
Can warm and comfort under certain circumstances.
Incapable of cooling things down, when it's too hot.
Tests
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when spanked.
Turns red after being left in direct sunlight in 15
minutes.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Use extreme care when handling.
Illegal to possess more than one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
clear coat
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holy dress
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bugs and lola
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl named O'Malley
Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
She got roars of applause
When she kicked off her drawers
But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
The model climbed up the ladder,
As Titian, the painter, had bade her
Then her position
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had her
There Was A Young Lass Of Decatur
Who Went Off To Sea On A Freighter.
She Was Screwed By The Master,
An Utter Disaster,
But The Crew All Made Up For It Later.
There Was A Young Lass Of Decatur
Who'd Become A Wild Masturbater.
''Men Are Miss or Hit
When Tickling My Clit,
That I've Purchased A Big New Vibrator.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeopardy's Tournament of Champions on the teevee. Monday night,
September 20, 2004.
The category was 'Botswana'.
The answer that popped up indicated that certain tribes_people of
that
African nation are referred to by a name that could also aptly
describe
VicePresident Cheney and Attorney General Ashcroft...
Without missing a beat, a demure-looking young lady rang in and gave
what she thought the question might be - "What are Dicks?" she said.
The woman blushed a hundred shades of red when Jeopardy host Alex
Trebek, holding back his laughter, informed her, "No. The correct
answer
is 'What are Bushmen?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to the doctor for his first prostate exam, and asked the
Doctor how the procedure is preformed? The doctor replied while
putting
on his glove and some K-Y jelly around his forefinger, "I insert
this
finger into your rectum and look for lumps and what not."
The patient replied, "Your going to stick that finger up my ass?"
The doctor replied, "Yes."
The patient said, "While you're at it I want you to stick two
fingers up
my ass."
The doctor asked, "Why?"
The patient replied, "I want a second opinion."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1631
The World's Largest Shoe Store
Sandi lands the plane and walks from the cockpit to the passenger
area
to see Rudy and Katie holding down Tami.
Rudy: You must calm down.
Sandi: What is the problem?
Katie: She saw the twenty story hip high patent leather boot
building
of the shoe store and went bananas.
Tami: Must go shopping, must go shopping!
Sandi: Tami, I have called for a cab it will be here shortly. The
building is five miles away.
Tami: I can get there faster by running.
Sandi: Let her up guys.
Zoom!!!
Katie: Whew! Look at her go.
Rudy: I think we should go with her.
Sandi: I will watch the refueling and you guys come back as soon as
you can.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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