Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Short Navy Story from the archives
There are three ways of doing any job , the right way, the wrong
way, and the Navy way. The only difference between the last two is
the Navy way is accepted and you won't get in trouble for doing it
that way. case in point painting the bilges. A bilge is a holding
area for leakage in engineering spaces. Imagine a room the size of
your house with all kinds of machinery that is cooled by oil and
salt water. Take all of the floors out and put in grates and all the
leaks drip into your basement where you have several different ways
of pumping them out. Add all kinds of little pedestals for machinery
to sit on called foundations and miles of piping and valves and you
have a bilge. Navy likes the bilges painted terra cotta red because
the Navy paints everything that doesn't move and salt water makes
steel rust.
The right way to do this is to completely clean the bilge,
sandblast loose paint and rust, prime with a suitable primer, and
apply a finish coat. This takes months to do and involves shipyards
and dry-docks.
The Navy way is a few days before an inspection, you clean the
bilges. Take a 5 gallon pail of AFFF which is the stuff they foam
down runways with and fight oil fires, and dump it in the bilges.
take three or four fire hoses and stir it up good till it looks you
put a whole box of Tide in mom's washer and then pump it overboard
while you agitate and rinse with the fire hoses. Your bilge is now
clean except for nuts, bolts, wrenches, hammers, and Zippo lighters
that people have dropped. Now you fill the bilges back up with salt
water again to just below the gratings and empty about 150 gallons
of oil based terra cotta paint into the water and start to slowly
pump the water out until the bilge is dry and the paint coats
everything on the way down. Keep your bilges dry for the next 8
hours and everything is pretty for the inspection. Of course half of
it will blister and peel in the next few months but then we can do
it all over again the next times we get visitors.
The wrong way is the same as above if the chief bosun or your
inspectors catch you which is fairly easy as the first step for
preparation involves cleaning and you have a whole toolbox worth of
tools embedded in paint at the bottom of the bilge.
The first chief I worked for onboard ship was tired of spending a
1000
dollars a quarter for new tools and had went to serv-mart and bought
all new tools just prior to the ship getting underway for Westpac.
He
initiated a new check out procedure and assigned a man to the tool
cage to hand out and check-in tools each workday. First day of the
program someone lost a 1/2 in drive ratchet working in the bilges
and the chief was upset. He told the man not to come out of the
bilges
till he found the ratchet. The chief had a couple of rubber mallets
and
every time the man stuck his head up above the deck plates he would
throw one at him. The ratchet hadn't been misplaced though, it had
been stolen and eventually the thief started feeling sorry for the
guy
in the bilges and returned the ratchet without revealing himself.
They
had very few problems with lost tools after that.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mean Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench discussing
what the meanest animal in the world was.
The first said, "The meanest animal in the world is a
Hippopotamus, cause it's got such big jowls. One bite and your
gone."
The second shook his head and said "Nah, hippo may be mean,
but ain't nothing meaner than an alligator. He got a big mouth
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The third gentleman sat for a moment, and finally he spoke
and said, " No sir, the meanest animal in the world is a
hippagator."
The other two in disbelief inquired as to what in the world
is a hippagator, believing there was no such animal.
The gentleman slowly began to explain, " A hippagator got a
hippo head on one end, and an 'gator head on the other".
"WAIT" interrupted the others, "If he has a head on both ends, How
does he shit?"
The reply was simply," He don't, that's what makes him so mean"!
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Blonde Reading
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Blonde The Other White Meat
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mildred, shut up" cried the golfer at his nagging wife, "Shut up or
you'll drive me out of my mind."
"That," said Mildred, "wouldn't be a drive, it would be a short
putt."
Woman #1: "His pee pee is really small, you know, but the sex is
wonderful."
Woman #2: "You mean he's rich?"
Woman #1: "Yeah. Exactly."
A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and
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Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you look? What`s the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don`t care. I
just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the
breasts of an 18 year old."
The husband said, "What did he say about your 65 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dwarf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new English teacher had just taken over her first class, a group
of
scruffy, leering boys. "Give me a word beginning with 'A'," she
said.
"Arseholes!" said little Johnny proudly.
Ignoring his remark, she continued. Now give me a word beginning
with
'B'
"Bastard," came the answer from Freddy. She immediately gave C a
miss
and moved on to D.
"Dwarf," said little Cameron. With a sigh of relief she asked him
what a
dwarf was.
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why is sex so much like drugs?
A. Because the quality depends on the pusher.
Q. How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
A. Douche with beer.
Q. Did you hear about the new Greek tampon?
A. It's called "Abzorba the Leak."
Q. What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A. Both need a hoe to stay in business
Q. What is the difference between your first honeymoon
and your second?
A. The first, Niagara; the second, Viagra!
Q. What's the difference between a Russian whore and
her mother?
A. About $20.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Noah Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex
on
this trip. Not even the wetting of the tips of your penises. All of
you
males, take off your peckers and hand it to my sons. I will sit over
there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get you
peckers back."
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was
very
excited. "Quick!" he said. "Get on my shoulders and look out the
window
to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his
shoulders and looked out the window. "Sorry, no land yet." "Shit!"
and
out went Mr. Rabbit. This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got
fed up
with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for
forty
days and nights.Only after the water has drained will we be able to
see
land. Why are you acting so excited every day?"
"Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held
out
a piece of, paper, "I GOT THE DONKEY'S RECEIPT!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a prostitute with her hand in her panties?
~ Self employed.
What do you get if you cross a whore and a computer?
~ A fucking know-it-all.
Do you know the difference between a salad and a blowjob?
~ No? Well, okay then, let me take you out to lunch.
It'll be my treat!
What's the favorite TV show in Arkansas?
~ Touched By An Uncle.
How is a dick like fishing?
~ Throw back the small ones, eat the medium ones and ...
mount the large ones.
How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
~ Douche with beer
Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
~ She was strapped for cash.
Did you hear about the masochistic homosexual?
~ He was sucker for punishment.
What do menstrual periods and spaghetti sauce have in common?
~ If you miss your Ragu, you could be Prego.
How do you know your mechanic has just had sex?
~ One of his fingers is clean.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movie Clips
Blonde Arm Wrestling
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Blonde That Started It All
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Boy And His Train
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Brains
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra
'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'
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but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '
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so I don't piss on my slippers. '
Randy
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl named O'Malley
Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
She got roars of applause
When she kicked off her drawers
But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
Oops! is a word
That I don't care
To hear as someone
Cuts my hair.
Another time
It's not a thrill
Is when the dentist
Holds a drill.
An Oops! escaped
From pilot's lips
Can do me in
On airplane trips.
But nothing's worse
Than Oopses! spoken
When one finds out
The rubber's broken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived
at the casino in Monte Carlo. She seemed a
little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand
Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down,
rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and
down and squealed...'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked
up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought
you were watching.'
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman and young man were at the beach one moonlit night.
They
were lying there looking at the night sky in each others arms. The
young man looked over and asked the young lady, "If you could be on
any planet up there, just you and I, which one would you want to be
on?" The young woman lies there for a minute staring up and thinks
and
then replies, "I think it would be Venus, it sounds like a place of
romance." She then turns to him and asks him the same question. He
lies there and with a sly smile replies, "Uranus."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1624
Back to the Land of Green
Tami: We really have not seen much of Ireland, just Ghosts,
Wraiths.
Rob: Yes, we do need to visit more of the old country.
Katie: And for a slight extra charge I would be happy to take you
of
a tour of...
Tami: Ack! Enough already.
Rudy: There there Miss Tami, no need to get your feather all
ruffled.
Sandi: We do have our expenses.
Rob: I understand. Where do you suggest we go?
Katie: There is a famous view of a loch not too far from here. We
could
leave in the morning. I will pack a lunch.
Rob: Right!
In the am.....
Katie: All right, everyone up!!
Rudy is playing the bagpipes...
Screech! Squal!
Sandi: Did you know the bagpipes were invented by the Irish?
Tami holding her hands over her ears: How nice. Let's go.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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