Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It is really quiet this morning and I am trying to get some work
done before everyone starts moving around. Eva will want the
computer
when she gets up, since I gave her a link to the PBS Kids site. It
is full of games and doesn't lock up internet explorer like the
Disney Channel does. She kept telling me that the computer was broke
so I removed that site from favorites and gave her a couple of more
things
to click on, but unfortunately, one of them, totlol, is closing down
next month due to lack of funds. It takes a lot of money to run a
decent site or a large donor and few want to foot the bill for the
bandwidth to
run it on.
Mail was running a little slow yesterday, so I took a look at my
Outlook
folders. My deleted mail folder had 2500 pieces in it, or about 880
mb. his was surprising since I had emptied it about four days ago. I
checked the hard drive space and then emptied the folder and checked
again. There was no difference so I rebooted and still no
difference. The folder
properties says that it is empty, so when does the folder tell the
hard drive it can start writing new info there?
Barbecued some chicken and hot dogs last night and while I was
tending the grill Buffy pointed out two blips of light in the sky
and said that
one would move and then the other would catch up with it and
wondered
what it was. I told her the Russian Soyuz craft that was at the
space station wouldn't start so they had to get AAA to send a
wrecker to tow it home.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Meaning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "I need you."
True Meaning: "My hand is tired."
Statement: "I am different from all the other guys."
True Meaning: "I am not circumcised.
Statement: "I want a commitment."
True Meaning: "I'm sick of masturbation.
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "It's just orange juice, try it."
True Meaning: "Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my
head."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "I miss you so much."
True Meaning: "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to
look good."
Statement
: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
Statement: "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?" True
Meaning: "Is my penis really that small?"
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who the hell are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I'll give you a call."
True Meaning: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than
see you again."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be frien
ds."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True
Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
a ticket
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blessed are women
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ride it
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Bomb Technician
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Boobs Mouse Mats
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and
finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice
restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the
way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to
reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and
wants to stay that way.
"Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a blow job?"
"EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwww
"I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!" He says, "Well then, how
about a hand job?"
"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to
shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"
She nods.
"Well, it's just like that."
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A
few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes
close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ears
and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cockfight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights
being held in the area around Crowley, and duly dispatched the
infamous detective Boudreaux to investigate.
He reported to his sergeant the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin'" he began.
"Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.
Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one
night?"
"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat cock fight.
I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the
fight."
The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"
Boudreaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved
when summbody bet on de duck."
"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you deduce the Mafia was
involved?"
"De duck won."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Drink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old smelly drunk ambled in to the bar and
asked for his usual pint of Guinness and after
the barkeep got it for the drunk, he thought,
"Lets have some fun."
He asked the drunk if he would like to taste the
new drink he was trying to perfect. Of course the
drunk was not one to refuse a free drink, and he
replied "Sure."
The bartender then proceeded to shake up a batch
and poured the drunk a glass. The drunk took a
swig and downed it, smacked his lips and said
"Thanks"
T barkeep said, "what did you think? Do you have a name for that
drink?"
The drunk replied "I drank it so fast cause I was
dry, could you give me another?"
The barkeep poured another and said to drink it
slow and then give it a name. The drunk took a
sip swirled it around and swallowed it, then
another, finally draining the glass, licked his
lips and replied "I think you ought to call it
"Love by the Sea"
The barkeep was amazed by the insight put forth
by the drunk so he asked him "Where did you come
up with such a thoughtful name?"
To which the drunk replied, "Cause it's fucking near water!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BATCHELOR COMMANDMENTS
1. Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when
she
dumps you you can always get the last laugh).
2. Thou shalt not hose thy girlfriends friends unless you're sure
you
can get away with it AND you do it in her bed.
3. Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting in
her
pants.
4. Thou shalt never marry the first girl you hose after getting out
of
a "slump"
5. Thou shalt never admit to being in a slump, it is always a
"lull."
6. Thou shalt always have beer in the fridge.
7. Thou shalt always blow off your girlfriend at least once a month
to
get drunk with your buddies.
8. Thous shalt always forget to call when performing the previous
commandment.
9. Thou shalt never admit to "hogging," it is always "a temporary
alcohol induced standards derating."
10. Thous shalt never go on a blind date with someone described as
having "a good personality.
11. Thou shalt never turn down steady pussy until it violates number
four or number ten.
12. Thou shalt never eat anything high in fiber or low in
cholesterol.
13. Thou shalt never drink non-alcoholic beer.
14. Thou shalt never covet thy neighbor's wife unless she covets
back.
15. Thou shalt always leave the seat up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!
Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to
increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a
concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers,
and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family
car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time
of high gas prices. buffalo
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Squaw: Wouldn't Indian.
Stanley and his fiancée Georgette were a modern couple, quite
realistic about the state of marriage these days. They met with the
minister oft he church to discuss their marriage vows. "Pastor,"
said
Georgette, "we wonder if we could make a change in the wording of
our
ceremony." "Yes, Georgette," replied the pastor, "it is sometimes
done. What do you have in mind?" "Well," said Georgette, "we'd like
to
alter the 'until death do us part' section to read, 'Substantial
penalty for early withdrawal.'
She was only a Milkman's daughter, but she the was cream of the
crop.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's
reading.
Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your
coworkers are her best clients. Way Ugly: She makes more money than
you do!
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
Flamingly gay guy flits and skips into an old fashioned New York
neighborhood butcher shop complete with a big strong hairy guy
behind
the counter and hisses: "Two pounds of Pepperoni, and make it
sssnappy, SSSlappy." Rolling his eyes, the butcher asks; "Youse want
it sliced?." The gay guy frowns, flounces and spits out: "What do
you
think my assss isss, a piggy bank?" (Alex Kaseberg)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Golden Days
http://silverandgol
'TONIGHT' SIDEKICK ED MCMAHON DIES IN LA AT 86
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The Magical Wishing Well
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Friendly Fire!
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Surfin Surfari
La Tale - Sidescrolling Action Game Via Wesley
http://latale.
Tired of the spending? Join a Tea Party Via Shangy
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Alchemist's Apprentice Via Shangy
http://tinyurl.
Lone Tank GAME Via Shangy
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Read Scratched CDs Or DVDs In Windows !
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eBooks for Your iPhone !
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Turn an Image Into a Wallpaper with Calendar Via Wesley
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://school.
Kitty Korner
http://shockingcats
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Movie Clips
High Blood Pressure
http://www.buffalos
How Far Will A Condom Stretch
http://www.buffalos
How A Blonde Pole Dances
http://www.buffalos
HUH? What's Going on? Playing Footsie!
http://www.buffalos
Hummer Oh Shit
http://www.buffalos
Thank God I'm A Country Boy
http://www.buffalos
The Real Stars - Tom
http://www.buffalos
The Crash
http://www.buffalos
The Duck And The Dog
http://www.buffalos
The Front Fell Off
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe was hanging in a bar and his friends asked him if he had scored
lately. Joe told his friends man I picked up this chick the other
night and had the best sex ever, the only problem was she was a
total Butterface!
His friends asked him, "What the heck is a Butterface?"
Joe answered, "Everything about her was hot, BUT HER FACE
I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still existed in the year
2000. A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually
said "General Store", and that was it. There was a little old man
sitting in front of the store in a rocking chair......
I said to him, "What do you folks do around here?"
He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' fuck."
I said, "What do you hunt?"
He said, "Somethin' to fuck."
A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were
faithful o him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then
later question each one on the other's behavior. When his wife
returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then
casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he
knew to be
his mistress. "She slept with nearly every manon the ship," his wife
reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to
ask her the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the encouraged man asked.
She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quick Chop - Dice, Chop & Mince in Seconds
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
brake for animals
http://www.buffalos
bread and butter
http://www.buffalos
break
http://www.buffalos
break time
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break up
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breast
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fantastic Fish Ponds
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand..
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean..
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother...
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big tits who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit..
Mike
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Topsy Turvy- Upside Down Tomato Planter
Grow delicious homegrown tomatoes without the backbreaking work
Purchase one plant for $19.99+ S&H and get a second as our gift to
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
During President Clinton era, G~d, His Faithful Son,
the Pope and Moses and His Messenger Gabriel
had a very important meeting.
They were troubled by the President of the United
States' inappropriate behavior. They decided that
the only viable course of action left was to create
an 11th Commandment to get their message
across to him.
The problem they faced was how to word this new
commandment so that it equaled the other
commandments in style and holy inspiration. After
great meditation and discussion, they concluded
that number 11 should read:
"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week I checked into my hotel in Atlanta and was a bit lonely. I
thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone
books
like escorts and such. I picked up the phone book and found an ad
for a
girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the
photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful
long wavy
hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!
I figured, what the heck, give her a call.
'Hello,' the woman says........
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in. 'Hi,
I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room
and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in
town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want
it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather,
whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and
heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped
cream, anything and everything! Now, how does that
sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an
outside line.'
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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