THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
We need a reason to speak, but none to keep silent.
- Pierre Nicole
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TaylorMade(R) Burner(R) or Ping(R) Rapture V2(TM)?
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http://tinyurl.com/dfa8w4
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Hypocrisy has many faces. Perhaps you did not know
that one of the biggest examples of hypocrisy in
America is PETA. People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals (PETA) kills thousands of defenseless
pets at its Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. Since 1998,
PETA has opted to "put down" 21,339 adoptable dogs, cats,
puppies, and kittens instead of finding homes for them.
PETA's "Animal Record" report for 2008, filed with the
Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services,
shows that the animal rights group killed 95 percent of the
dogs and cats in its care last year. During all of 2008,
PETA found adoptive homes for just seven pets.
Just seven animals -- out of the 2,216 it took in.
PETA just broke its own record.
And they have the nerve to criticise hunters and fishermen.
http://tinyurl.com/nso59t
Go figger
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
bottom line
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j001.html
believe me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j002.html
an unfortunate misunderstanding
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j003.html
fast food
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j004.html
an idiot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j005.html
no they're not
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j006.html
knob polishing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j007.html
its an art
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j008.html
________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Casper the ghost
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5782.html
Faron Young-hello walls 1961
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5784.html
Michelle Bachman asks a question
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5783.html
the wedding
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5785.html
the umbrella
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5786.html
White spy black spy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5787.html
Michael Jackson Jokes
1 - Apparently Michael Jackson died picking his nose.
Doctors said they didn't blame it on the sunshine or the moonlight.
They blamed it on the Boogie.
2 - Out of respect for Michael Jackson, McDonalds have
released the MacJackson burger - 50 year old meat between 8 year old buns.
3 - Michael Jackson is dead from a heart attack, that was
an allergic reaction to eating 8 year old nuts.
4 - When Farrah Fawcett went to heaven, God said to her,
you've been a good human on earth, is there anything you have
not done on earth that you should have. She replied,
God I still worry about the little children in the world.
God said no problem, and killed Michael Jackson.
5 - Michael Jackson's last words ---
"Take me to Children's Hospital pleeeeease ............"
6 - It has been reported on the Angels News that Michael
Jackson was refused entry to heaven, due to the fact they don't accept plastic.
Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband
offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress.
He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints
about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.
As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last
selection, she asked for her husband's opinion.
By this time he had learned just the right things to say.
"It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller,
your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips."
Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out.
"If there is a dress here that will do that, I'll buy them all!"
_____________
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote
mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes,
Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked
the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you
have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man then looks at his peacefully grazing
herd and says, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car,
whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular
RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans
the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop
and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that
the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses
an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet
with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his
hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy
and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man,
"Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer
I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working
people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.
This is a herd of sheep. ......
Now give me back my Dog.
________________
A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of
all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive,
very little appetite, nervous, etc.
After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically
wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression.
The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor did
not hesitate to ask the man about his personal life.
"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my
wife. She's made my life unbearable.
I fantasize all the time about killing that damn witch. In fact,
if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of
untraceable poison to give her, so I may end my misery."
The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in
fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll
get life in prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though,
I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her coffee.
You can then 'love her to death'. No jury in the world is going
to convict a man for loving his wife too much.
She'll be gone in a month at best."
The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting
the love elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning.
Three weeks later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his
friend, and becomes concerned. After office hours, he stops
by his friend's house to see if all is well. He finds his
friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even
though it's a warm Spring day. The man's face was gaunt and pale,
he'd lost Lord knows how much weight,and looked terrible.
The doctor asked, "What the Hell happened ???"
The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That woman
and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day and nite."
Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife
appeared from inside the house. All slim and trim and dressed in
tennis clothes; smiling, she said she was off for a few sets of tennis.
As she leaped into her new sports car, her husband cackled and said to
the doctor, "Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense.
If she only knew she has less than a week to
live she wouldn't be so God damn frisky."
______________
Aboard an airline flight from Israel to America, Grandma
Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only
been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained
to the stewardess that her ears were popping.
The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing
gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same
discomfort.
When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the
stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said.
"Now that we've arrived, would you tell me, how do I
get it out of my ears?"
_____________
There was a husband who was in the habit of taking the
family dog for a nice long walk each evening. It was
good exercise for both of them, his wife felt, and the
dog became so used to the routine that it positively
drooled to be taken out on schedule every night.
So when her husband was sick one evening, the wife took
the dog out instead. To her surprise the dog pulled
vigorously at the leash and led her around the block to
a house around the corner and began to scratch at the
door. A female voice called out, "I won't be a minute,
darling."
Soon the door was opened by an attractive young woman
in a negligee, and the dog dashed in straight to a dish
of meat that was waiting for him -- obviously as usual.
__________
Buffalo Bill
Sensitivity Training
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnhvf.htm
Sexy Hair Dressing Gown
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnvgft.htm
Shitty Day At The Gym
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjghfhdthrffd.htm
___________
SYDESJOKES LIST
British Wedding
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001704.html
Redneck Water Skier
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001703.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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