THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
It's not the load that weighs you down but the way you carry it.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS
I wonder what will become of the investigation of
crashed French air flight 447? Amazing they can keep on
talking about it for days without really saying anything.
Do you think that there will be new conspiracy theories
about it? Perhaps it was shot down by the CIA or perhaps
by aliens? Conspiracy theories are always interesting.
Lets see, I think maybe I see one that would be very
relevant. OBama has already apologized to the Muslims
for the war in the middle east, since its all our fault.
Hillary has apologized to the Mexicans for the drug
cartel wars, because its our fault. Oh ok, I got it.
Next thing we know Nancy Pelosi will be apologizing
to the french for our part in the failure to prevent
the 447 crash. Once there was a president who
believed in walking softly and carrying a big stick.
Wonder why now we have presidents who only apologize
loudly and carry a invitation for dialogue?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
wait outside
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g020.html
what an offer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g021.html
I can't make love to you because
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g022.html
the whole truth
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g023.html
dramatic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g024.html
damn it George
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g025.html
I love giving you BJs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g026.html
you know you're old when
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g027.html
_________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
seven seconds in Tibet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5683.html
ticklish baby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5684.html
feed the animals
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5686.html
Tampax
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5687.html
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the
time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old.
"When you're seventy, you can't even have a bowel
movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you
sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the
worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year- old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee
like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement ?"
"No, I go every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let
me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00
and have a bowel movement every morning at 6:30. So
what's so tough about being 80?"
The 80-year-old replied, "I don't wake up until 7:00."
______________
I'm an old-fashioned kind of gal and I resist all changes in modern technology.
It's not that technology scares me, it's just that I'm cheap. When computers
first came out, I studiously avoided them. I figured that pretty soon they'd
become blonde-friendly and the price would go down. Eventually I realized
the folly of my thinking. But by that time, I was probably one of the last
Americans between the ages of zero and dead not to have been exposed to
computers. So I signed up for an "Intro to Beginners" computer course at
some outreach program for behind-the-times sloths like myself.
I was considering buying a computer before the class started so that I would
have something to do my homework on. Being the tightwad that I am, I went
to one of those wholesale electronics places that has obnoxious commercials
on television with guys in polka dot suits screaming about how low they'll go.
I immediately knew I was in the right place when I opened the door and saw
that instead of carpeting, they had scraps of cardboard on the floor.
The place positively reeked of rock-bottom prices and fast-talking foreign
salesmen in cheap suits. Going along with the ambiance of the establishment,
I shoved my way over to the computer department and I told the guy that I
wanted a computer system put together from components and asked him where
we should begin. He indicated a sleek looking system and advised me that it
was bargain priced. Naturally, I wanted to know why.
"Try pulling up a program," he said.
"Pulling???" I asked doubtfully.
"Yeah, `P' on the keyboard," he replied.
"Pee on the keyboard???" I responded with incredulity.
"What are you, some kind of pervert?"
He just looked at me for a few seconds until it dawned on him that we
were discussing two different things. He merely shook his head and
pressed the letter `P' and nothing happened. Then he grinned. Apparently,
this was supposed to be a good thing. Then he went into his super-duper
sales spiel, "When most people buy computers, they come fully loaded with
every program imaginable. They are factored into the cost of the computer,
even though you may not want or use most of them. This way, you save a lot
of the cost by only buying the programs you need."
It sounded reasonable to me, so I asked him what I'd need. He said that I
would definitely have to get Windows. It was at this point that I realized
he thought he was dealing with a naive patsy, just because I had erroneously
thought he had suggested that I urinate on the keyboard. And I was about to
let this joker know just whom he was dealing with. "Windows?" I asked innocently.
"Yes, you'll definitely need Windows, and a few other things," he responded.
By this time I knew I had him for the pond scum he was. Windows???? Ha!
It was definitely time to show him with whom he was dealing.
"A few other things like maybe curtains and blinds?" I shot back smartly.
"Boy, you guys think that just because I don't know anything about computers,
means I don't know anything about computers. For your information, I don't
need windows. My apartment has plenty of them!!
_____________
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along
well with the guards and all of his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep
down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade
while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best
carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do
odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... And he always reported back
to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling
his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the
skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he
had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to
complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting
is what got me into prison in the first place".
___________
An attractive young med student was having coffee with her girlfriend and
complaining about her fiance's extraordinary sexual appetites. "I barely
have the strength to come to work in the morning," she murmured.
"And now that he's on his vacation, things will probably be even more intense
when he gets back." "How long is he off?" the assistant inquired.
"It varies," she replied. "But usually it's just long enough to smoke a cigarette."
____________
Five Reasons You Know You Should Have Shaved This Morning
1. You walk into the bank and all the tellers raise their hands and yell, "Don't shoot!"
2. You walk into a party store and the clerk immediately gets down a large bottle of his cheapest whiskey and sets it on the counter.
3. You walk past a Salvation Army bell ringer and HE gives YOU some money.
4. You sit down on a park bench and a police officer rushes over and yells, "You can't sleep there!"
5. You go to lovingly snuggle your wife and she says, "I have to go do the dishes."
___________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
With a golf gun," the other
detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know.
But it sure made a hole in Juan."
______________
Stanley the Sperm decided he was going to be "the one". He practiced
swimming every day, trying to build up his speed and endurance.
He also started asking all kinds of questions. "How will I know
the egg? What does it look like? What does it smell like?"
One crusty old sperm who never made it out took a liking to Stanley.
"Well", he said, "legend says the egg is easy to spot. She is big and
round and the smell is heavenly. It is like a combination of all the
flowers in the world and the scent is just overpowering. You can't miss
her. They say you should just hit her head on and if she accepts you,
you will be drawn in and together you will form a new person. "
The time came and Stanley felt himself being propelled down the shaft
and into the void. He swam and swam, leading his fellow sperm by several
lengths. Finally he rounded a corner and spotted the egg. Big and round,
just like he had been told and dead ahead. Shouting "I am Stanley the Sperm",
he built up even more speed and rammed the egg head first. He immediately
backed out spitting and snorting. "You smell like shit!!" he exclaimed.
"What did you expect? I'm Travis the Turd"!!!
_________
BUFFALO Bill
Italian Police Motorcycle Drill Team
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsaaj.htm
PD Budget
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gaaah.htm
Great tequila Commercials
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gaajs.htm
_____________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
A Darker Shade of Grey
http://tinyurl.com/pub7fc
Fruit Shooting
http://tinyurl.com/pkgjd3
Jumping Penguin
http://tinyurl.com/dx2kux
___________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Redneck Armchair
http://www.sydesjokes.com/extra/link000051.html
Cockpit View Of Shuttle Landing
http://www.sydesjokes.com/extra/link000052.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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