THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
If you look at what you have in life,
you'll always have more. If you look at what
you don't have in life,
you'll never have enough. ~
Oprah Winfrey
______________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
FROM:
The investigative reports bureau of
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!:
At a press conference yesterday,
President Obama announced that he would
re deliver the state of the Union address.
When reporters asked him why, he said
"Do you realize that I gave the state of the union
address in English and a lot of illegal
aliens didn't understand it?"
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_______________
THR COMICS
my day is ruined
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bless you
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revenge
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Obama
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cheater
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geeze Dad
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rock bottom
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all this time
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I don't know
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complaints
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__________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
a new year
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Rush Limbaugh
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Pampers
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bad time to fart
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best commercial ever
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________________
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large
breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen
for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire
would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,
David the physician, the King's chief doctor.
David thought about this and said that he could arrange
for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would
cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause,
Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, David made a batch of itching powder and
poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address
this incident, David informed the King and Queen that
only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would
cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that,
among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the
saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick
to their chambers. David then slipped Nick the antidote
for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and
for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the
Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick
left satisfied and was hailed by the King and Queen as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found David demanding
his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now
satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that
David could never report this matter to the King and
with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, David slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick . . .
The moral of the story - Pay your friggen bills.
_____________
The manager of ladies' dress shop realized it was
time to give one her sale clerks a ' pep talk '. "Jane,
your figures are well below any of our other salespeople's.
In fact, unless you can improve your sales record soon,
I'm afraid you'll have to let you go." "I'm sorry, Ma'am,"
said a humbled Jane. "Can you give me any advice on how
to do better?""Well, there is an old trick I can tell you
about. It sounds silly, but it's worked for me in the past.
Get hold of a dictionary and go through it until you come
to a word that had particular power for you. Memorize it,
work it into your sales pitch whenever it seems appropriate,
and you'll be amazed at the results."
Sure enough, Jane's sales figures went way up, and at the
end of the month, the manager called her in again and
congratulated her. "Did you try my little trick?" she asked.
Jane nodded. "It took me a whole weekend to find the right
word, but I did:.... ' Fantastic.' "
"'Fantastic.' What a good word," said the manager encouragingly.
"How have you been using it?"
"Well, my first customer on Monday was a woman who told me
her little girl had just been accepted at the most exclusive
prep school in the city. I said, 'Fantastic.' She went on to
tell me how her daughter always got straight A's and was the
most popular girl in her class, I said 'Fantastic' and she
bought $300 worth of clothing. My next customer said she
needed a formal dress for the spring ball at the country
club, which she was in charge of. I said 'Fantastic.' She
went on to tell she had the best figure of anyone on the
committee and her husband makes the most money. I said
'Fantastic' and she not only bought the designer gown, but
hundreds of dollars of other merchandise. It's been like
that all week: the customers keep boasting, I keep saying
'Fantastic', and they keep buying."
"Excellent work, Jane," complimented her boss. "Just as a
point of interest, what did you used to say to customers
before you discovered your power word?"
Jane shrugged. "I used to say, 'Who gives a shit ?'"
_______________
Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest,"
when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop."
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal."
When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope."
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence,
the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies,
"I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts 24" stomach, and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God!!"
______________
Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed
a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to
retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not
particularly good. And he wasn't at all quiet about it.
"If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest
of my life," he complained to the photographer,
"I want a better picture."
"Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly.
"Then bring us a better face!"
_____________
There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had
mastered the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some
problems afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58...
59, and asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the
next number."
When he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His father was
just walking in the door from work, heard only the question, and he
replied, "Listerine!"
________________
FUN PAGES
Dancing Yoda
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=20494&s=n
Killer Bugs
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41428&s=n
Definition of Perfect Breast
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____________
BUFFALO BILL
Clean Your Glasses
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Dimitri The Stud
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DNA Test
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______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Golf On Water
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000654.html
Golf Parrot
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Golf Range
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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