THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
You cannot change the past, but you can ruin the
present by worrying about the future.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I may have mentioned that since my hospital stay
over New Years weekend, I have been payin a lot closer
attention to things like my diabetes. One thing
I am particularly proud of,
I have not had a single Mountain Dew
since Jan 1st!!! I am pretty proud of that as I
am a self admitted Dew-aholic. It does absolutely
nothing for my sugar issues. And that is a tough
row to go, because I cannot stand any kind of
diet pop. But that's another story, Anyways, I
managed to get hold of a calorie and fat gram booklet
which gives the count of many fast food items. For
example, I always used to enjoy a bowl of 5 way chili
and a shake from Steak and Shake. The chili has
a thousand calories and a whopping 66 grams of fat.
The famous shakes they have? Almost 700 calories
and over 60 grams. Needless to say, I have NOT
stopped by lately. Sigh. Lest you think that Jerrod
over at Subway offers a better alternative to
eating healthy, a steak and cheese chipotle,
one of my favs, will offer up over 500 calories and
over 50 grams of fat. Add chips and a Dew to that,
and I DEFINITELY will not be seeing much of Jerrod,
either. Unfortunately, the new interest in the
dreaded diet has only yielded a mere 8 lbs of
weight loss. But, the good news is that my A1C
tests out at only 6.7, representing a drop from 7.1
six months ago. Its a difficult thing to do.
But, I know that my body is happier, and certainly
"the war department" is smiling a lot more at supper
time. Is it worth it? I find myself struggling a lot
over temptations. But in the end, the conclusion is,
"Take care of yourself. Nobody else can do it better
than you."
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_________________
THE COMICS
clueless dad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k010.html
I don't fuck around
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k011.html
cocaine
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k012.html
sex and golf
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k013.html
old
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k014.html
do not feed the bears
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k015.html
do WHAT??
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k016.html
you were great
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k017.html
just like that
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k018.html
for Pete's sake
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k019.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Another Lie Told for Political Expediency'
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8881.html
One nation under God
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8882.html
man thats big
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8883.html
that's fast
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8884.html
Formula 1 deer hunting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8885.html
the last bud light
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8886.html
little man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8887.html
on the elevator
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8888.html
A fellow drank with friends until they closed the bar.
He staggered home about 2 o'clock and was met at the
door by his wife. She was madder than heck and wanted
to know where he had been all night....
He said, "I have been bird watching!"
She said, "Bull sh*t! What kind of bird is out at
this time of night for you to watch??"
He said, "A double-breasted, red-headed,
mattress thrasher!"
______________
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute,
the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed
it on the dressing table. "Thanks," she said.
"But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed
politician replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the lady of the night, replied.
"I do a little blackmail on the side!"
________________
On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta, GA , a well attired
middle-aged woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a
kippa ("yarmulke" in Yiddish).
She called the attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"You've sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this
strange man. Please find me another seat!"
"Madam, I will see what I can do to accommodate, " the attendant
replied, "but the flight is virtually full today and I don't know if
there is another seat available." The woman shoots a snooty look at
the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention the surrounding
passengers).
A few minutes later the attendant returned and said, Madam, the
economy and club sections are full, however, we do have one seat in
First class."
Before the lady had a chance to respond, the attendant continued,
"It is only on exceptions that we make this kind of upgrade,
and I had to ask permission from the captain. But, given the
circumstances, the captain felt that no one should be forced
to sit next to an unpleasant person..."
The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting
next to her, and said: "So if you'd like to get your things,
Sir, I have a comfortable seat for you in First class..."
At this point, the surrounding passengers stood up and gave a
standing ovation while the Jewish man walked up to the front of the
plane. The lady then said indignantly, "The Captain must have made a
mistake.."
To which the attendant replied, "No Ma'am. Captain Cohen never makes
a mistake."
______________
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and
figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't
shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However,
since the only time they ever got together was at the park,
Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was
unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill,
but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there
sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world
happened to you?'
Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89
years old,I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'
'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
______________
The Democrats' Version of Tax Cuts
If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax cuts
(and you are not alone), maybe this will help explain it:
50,000 people went to a baseball game, but the game was rained
out. A refund was then due.The team was about to mail refunds
when the Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested
that they send out refund amounts based on the Democrat
National Committee's interpretation of fairness.
After all, if the refunds were made based on the price each
person paid for the tickets, most of the money would go to the
ticket holders of the most expensive tickets. That would be
unfair and unconscionable.People in the $10 seats will get back
$15, because they have less money to spend. Call it an "Earned
Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by demonstrating
little ambition, few skills and poor work habits, thus keeping
them at entry-level wages.
People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because that's only fair.
People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make
a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can
afford a $50 ticket, then they must not be paying enough taxes.
People in the $75 luxury seats will have to pay another $50,
because they have way too much to spend.
The people driving (or walking) by the stadium who couldn't
afford to watch the game will get $10 each, even though they
didn't pay anything in, because they need the most help
(sometimes known as Affirmative Action!).
Now do you understand?
If not, for assistance contact Nancy Pelosi.
________________
One day a man came home from work earlier than
usual and caught his wife in bed with his best
friend. Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and
shot his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this,
you're going to lose ALL your friends."
______________
BUFFALO BILL
Beer By the Pool
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91106.htm
How To Put On a Bra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91107.htm
Knife Guy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91108.htm
___________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Girl Firing Hand Gun
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000639.html
Girl On Bike
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000640.html
Girlfriend From Hell
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000641.html
_______________
FUN PAGES
Death by Vending Machine
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41422&s=n
Drunk Insects
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41382&s=n
Dancing Yoda
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=20494&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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