Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Some more thoughts on Boot Camp 38 years ago. I have been
discussing this period with some Navy buddies and thought you
might find it more interesting than Global Warming.
We were all issued Crackerjack style whites and blues but half of
the company received dungarees with the bluer working jacket and
I got utilities along with the other half. I mentioned the soap dish
earlier because it was your iron when you folded and pressed each
piece to go in your locker. You have to admit someone put a lot of
time into figuring how to get all of those items into a seabag and
have them come out looking pressed when you needed them.
Our sister company, the Hummers and Strummers ( Choir and Band)
was with us at most of the parades and every graduation. On our
third week in boot camp we got to do our first parade in North
Chicago.
It was just a small town parade, nothing spectacular but after the
ceremony we were invited to a retired admiral's home for a barbecue.
It was a huge party with all the beer you could drink but everyone
behaved themselves, even a few that slipped away from the party
with some of the area girls. There was a four or five year old kid
that someone had given a white hat to that was running around
saluting
the recruits and when they returned the salute he would tell them,"
Carry
on Boot." It was extremely funny when he ran up to the admiral,
flipped
him a salute and told him, " Carry on Boot."
Along about 2000 the party wound down and they loaded everyone
into buses and headed back to Great Lakes. They told us after the
beer we consumed if anyone got sick to use your white hat (Dixie
Cup)
and not to puke on the floor of the bus. One guy got it in his mind
that his hat would be a good to take a pee rather than wait till we
got
back on base and did so. This was not a good idea for a couple of
reasons, the first of which was that he was expected to have his hat
on his head when he left the bus and the second of which there was
no
place to empty it so he just flung the contents out the window. If
you
have ever tried throwing anything liquid out of a window it will
come
right back in the next window which it did soaking the passed out
recruit behind him. We lied to the guy and told him the boat had hit
a big puddle
and he went back to sleep.
One of the other great things about marching in parades every week
we didn't have to do our own dress whites. They were bagged up after
each event and came back cleaned and pressed and looking like new
no matter what kind of mess you got into.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watermelon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A newlywed couple wake up on the first morning of the their
honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the
beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front
porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a
slice of watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting
her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife
looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure
enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked,
legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband inquires of
his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels
like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day
of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each
morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her
and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try
and inquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman
what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over
your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and
walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it
feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
she asks hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the
flies off of my watermelon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Autobiography #2
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Autobiography #3
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An enterprising, but bashful sailor finds himself on shore leave in
Korea for his first time. While the rest of the guys are out having
a jolly good time in the red light district of Pusan, our hero just
can't get up the nerve to ask the local girls how much it costs for
a good time. He sits at his table for a moment watching the girls,
and devises a get laid plan. One of the local girls approaches him
and asks "Wat is you name?" He replies "Rick Venus" She says "Lick
Penus?" He says "Sure how much?"
~~~~~
A very tired husband came home from the office after a long grueling
day to find his wife in her sexiest nightgown waiting for him at the
door with a couple of glasses of wine in hand. She took his
briefcase from him and led him over to the couch where she proceeded
to help make him "more comfortable.
honey?" she cooed in his ear, "Shall we do 69?" "I don't think so
dear. I'm pretty tired.
How about 68?" he said. "Huh, 68? What's 68?" she asked, a little
puzzled.
"You do me, and I'll owe you one."
~~~~~~
A guy's bee farm is hit by a cyclone, sweetening everything in the
next county. He goes to a bank for a loan to start anew. The
banker loans him the money. A month later, he's back in the bank,
asking for another loan. "But we just loaned you money to restock,"
says the banker. "Yeah, but I had a little bad luck," says the
farmer. "I spent the money on new hives and a choice queen bee from
Iowa. The queen turned out to be a common whore and took up with a
horsefly. Now all the honey tastes like shit and I had to burn the
hives."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kotex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Dear Kotex I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my
panty-liner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying
advice such as:
* Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
* Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
* Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
* Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never
possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a
menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep
her feeling fresh. Like we need more fluid inside our bloated
bodies from hell... but go ahead... I
triple-dog-friggin-
I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and re move the
chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-
first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what,
the only activities that interest me are
eating..sleeping.
and oh... does ripping someone's head off count as a friggin'
activity????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap
like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol &
barbituates.
Printing out crappy advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that
was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude,
and is enough to send a consumers running to the Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley
faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or
packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it
in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and
beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't
ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package to announce
that...
Helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!
So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & smiley faces
and shove them right up your ass.
P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of
Bourbon to your packages instead!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tampax is launching a new ad campaign: "We're Not #1! But We're Way
Up There!
Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing
business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I
smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and
said, "No,
I just burped."
Love is complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good
screw to fix it.
The young hooker reports for her first day at the brothel. The madam
says to her, "Do you have any questions?" The hooker replies, " Yes,
I was wondering how long penises should be sucked?" The madam says,
"The same as the short ones."
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
It has been determined the most used sexual position for married
couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The
wife rolls over and plays dead.
How can you tell when a mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean.
A couple were applying for a marriage license. "Your name?" "Ole
Olson." "And yours?" "Lena Olson." "Any connection?" The bride
blushed. "Only vunce. He yumped me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the
night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on
him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where
therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician
comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you
are completely well. You have the heart function that you did when
you were a fifteen-year-
tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart; do any physical
exercise that you like." Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is
talking with his wife. "Doris, you'll never believe it: I'm
completely well. I have no worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling,
you and I are going to make love like you've never had before, wild,
passionate sex....you'll love it!" Doris thinks for a minute and
says, "I don't know, Sol. I've heard about active sex and heart
conditions. I don't want it to be on my head if you croak while we
are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to
me
saying that everything was OK... maybe I would have such sex with
you...." Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his
doctor's office; his doctor tells him, "Sure, sure, Sol, no problem,
I'll write the note. Let's see, here's my prescription pad: 'Mr. Sol
Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-
year-old lad and can have mad, passionate, adventurous sex any time
that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron Katz". Now, I'll just address
this.......By the way, Sol, what's your wife's first name?" "Uh,
Doctor, could you just make that, 'To Whom It May Concern?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hugh Hefner and Heather Locklear die and go to heaven. They are
greeted by St. Peter who says to Hugh, "You have corrupted the
lives of many men and boys alike with your pornography. You have
only one chance to get into the kingdom of God, you must walk down
that tunnel without even one unclean thought. If you do, a trap
door will open up under you and you will fall into hell where you
will cry and gnash your teeth." Hugh decides that this will be easy
for the tunnel is only 100 feet long.
So he begins down the tunnel with St. Peter following behind.
About half way down the tunnel St. Peter leans over towards Hugh
and yells "Tits!!"
and a trap door opens and Hugh falls down into Hell. St. Peter
then goes to Heather Locklear and says, "You have corrupted the
lives of many men and boys alike with your sexy looks. You have
only one chance to get into the kingdom of God, you must walk down
that tunnel without even one unclean thought. If you do, a trap
door will open up under you and you will fall into hell where you
will cry and gnash your teeth." They begin there long trek down the
tunnel. About half way down St. Peter leans over towards Heather
and a trap door opens and St. Peter falls down into Hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Patrick Hughes
http://silverandgol
Marlene/There'
http://summerhoosie
Just Thinking
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Are Angels Real?
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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TACO BELL FOUNDER GLEN BELL DIES AT AGE 86
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SILLY SONGS OF 50s & 60s Via Peggy
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World's Fastest High Speed Train Via Wesley
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Free Online Games - GameNinja.com Via Wesley
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Download Freeware and Shareware Computer Utilities
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WebScissors.
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LINK WAVS AND MIDIS
http://simplyangel.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
Toyger Mini Tiger
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Movie Links
Anillocompromiso
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Arab
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Baby Boomers Battle
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Beer
http://www.buffalos
beer launcher
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Lazy River Pee Prank
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Leno Needs Body Guard
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Let the Beast Go
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Levis
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Lip Balm Commercial
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Hoppalas Turnen
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In God We Trust
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Interessant Eierschlange
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You Know That Has To Hurt
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Javelin Live Fire VS T72
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hi Mom, How are you" "Hi Son, where are you? I thought you were
with your father at Home Depot"" "Yeah we were, but I got arrested,
and they've let me make one phone call" What happened? "Oh, I
punched this African-American woman in the head." "What on earth ~
why did you do that ?" "Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find
a Black & Decker."
What do you call a woman who puts her diaphragm in crooked? Mother
Two old men meet on a street corner. 1st old man, "Where 've you
been for the last couple of months?" 2nd old man, "I was in jail."
1st old man, "You in jail, how come?" 2nd old man, "Well, about two
months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young
woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, "He is the
man officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me. 1st old man,
"What, and you let her got away with it?" 2nd old man, "Well, I tell
you, I felt so flattered, I admitted it."
The lingerie buyer gave his wife the slip.
I was sitting next to a priest in a pub in Boston having Irish bean
soup and raving about how great it tasted... when he offered that
"the Irish have a strict rule that this soup have no more than 239
beans per serving." I ASKED, "Why this strict rule?" And in his
finest Irish tongue he said, "If we added just one more bean it
would be too farty." (Tom Vickery)
Just remember. if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a T.G.I.F.
tee-shirt. "Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee- shirt
on Monday?" "Oh damn!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant 'Tits Go
In Front'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A XXXmas Story
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Anger Management
http://www.buffalos
Angry Residents
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Good Lickin
http://www.buffalos
Anna Show
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Anna's House
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Miss Druggy sat in her buggy,
Smoking an ounce of weed.
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And sold her a pound of speed.
An old window washer named Luigi
Was screwing a lady from Figi.
When she started to sweat,
He said, "Hold it, my pet,"
And squished off the sweat with his squeegee.
The wife of the raider Von Luckner
Admitted her husband was stuckner.
She oft went to sea with him
In order to be with him,
And to give him the pleasure of fuckner.
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim Morrison is in one corner of a hotel with the rest of his band.
In another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison
and Ringo Starr - and all are naked! A beautiful woman walks in,
drops to her knees in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the
pink oboe. She swallows nicely then starts on his guitarist, then
his
drummer, and then the keyboard player. When she is finished, she
licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the
same to him. At that moment, there's a huge crash and Robert De Nero
smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper. He jumps out, grabs her by
the scruff of the neck and shouts, "You bloody fool, you're only
supposed to blow the Doors off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wooden leg Insurance
A man and his wife, moved back home to Arkansas , from Iowa .
The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Iowa , it
cost him $2000 per year!
When they arrived in Arkansas , they went to an
insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden
leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.' The
husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in Arkansas
To insure it, because it cost him $2000 in Iowa ! The
insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said,
'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure,
with a sprinkler system above it, is $39... You just have to know
how to describe it!'
Juanita
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1763
The First Day
Rudy: I don't feel so good.
Sandi: It is quite normal. What you have is called sea sickness.
You
will get your sea legs soon.
Katie: Hey Rudy, they have some great Chili in the mess you want
some?
Rudy heads for the rail...
Katie: What's the matter pal, weak stomach?
Rudy: No, I can toss it as far as anyone.
Katie: Well I must be off. I feel like dancing. Rudy are you
wearing
green make-up?
Rudy: I just might have you punch you to tomorrow Katie.
Sandi: Here Rudy wear this patch, it will settle your tummy.
Rudy: Thanks Sandi.
Sandi: It might help if we go inside. It is like a hotel. We can
gamble,
play games and relax.
Rudy: Okay, let's go.
Inside, a crowd is gathered around the dice table as Katie is
rolling
the dice.
Katie: Come on, I need a six.
Six a winner!
Sandi: Let's go find mom and dad.
Rudy: Okay.
Back in their room.
BJ: What are you doing guys?
Rudy: We wanted to be with you.
Diana: We danced and got tired.
Sandi: Yeah, we are bored and wanted some family time.
BJ: Katie?
Rudy: Being Katie...
Ding Dong!
The door opens and Katie comes in carrying a bag of money...
Katie: Mine, it's all mine!!!!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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