Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
One thing I have noticed is that the older I get, the worse my night
vision is getting. It is not to the point where it is affecting the
safety of my driving but it is taking longer for my eyes to readjust
to the
darkness when cars pass. This problem is compounded by the
number of drivers out there that refuse to dim their lights when
they pass you and the new lights that are being used. Some of those
high output bulbs aren't too bad but others raise the low beams
almost
to the intensity of high beams and when they aren't adjusted
properly they blind the person you are passing. Another pet peeve is
Dodge
pick-ups that have a set of running lights which add to the glare of
the headlights. Then you have the idiots that will drive around for
months with a burnt out low beam that think that it's acceptable
to drive around with their brights on until they burn out. My main
problem
is that when I get blinded by the lights I have a tendency to drift
towards
them. So if you're driving in the great white north be sure to dim
your lights or you may become a Suburban hood ornament.
Have you noticed how the cold and snow seems to be going farther
south each year and the temperatures are worse in Kansas City than
here. They haven't determined whether this is an effect of global
warming or an impending ice age but if it's an ice age I think it
will be a good
chance to buy most of the state for next to nothing and then just
wait for it to thaw out and be rich or your
great-great-
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife,
Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died.
Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a
cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran towards
him, calling his name: "Joe. Darling, Joe" Joe said: "Hold your
horses woman, and don't 'darling' me. The deal was very clear"..."
Until death do us part".
The Tuba player in the marching band was benched for being
overweight and unable to keep up with the band when parading. He
took the matter to court which meant that girth control had resulted
in tubal litigation.
"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love." the husband told his
counselor. "Has she started to neglect you?" said the doctor. "Not
at all," the dejected man replied, "She meets me at the door with a
cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, the house
is always neat and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets
me watch what I want on the TV and she never objects to kinky sex or
say's she has a headache!" "So what is the problem then?" asked the
doctor. "Well," said the man, "I may be being a little too
sensitive, but at night, when she thinks I'm asleep, she puts her
lips to my ear and whispers, "Die! Die, you son of a bitch!"
I recently read in one of the tabloids at the supermarket, "Woman
Gets Pregnant While Doing 'Lambada' " I guess that goes to show that
the rhythm method just doesn't work!
How Do You Confuse A Blonde? Put Her In A Round Room And Tell Her To
Find The Corner! How Does A Blonde Confuse The World? She Actually
Finds The Corner! How Do You Re-Confuse A Blonde? Tell Her She Found
The Wrong Corner!
I call my father who lives in Indianapolis my "Hoosier daddy."
(Robert Ford)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
getting started
http://www.thepostm
the newest best selling children's book
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Darth Vader calls home
http://www.thepostm
Flying Tackle
http://sydesjokes.
Football Game
http://sydesjokes.
Football Gets People Talking
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with
yeast infections? A whine and cheese party!
Jill was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she said, "but
my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair."
"What do you mean?" the beautician asked. "Well, I overheard her on
the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd
be 'balled' soon."
An Australian kiss is the same as a French kiss - only down under.
"Are you and Larry serious?" the one girl asked her friend while
they were talking over cocktails. "We're still a little short of a
meeting of the minds." she replied. "I want a big, old-fashioned
June wedding, and he wants a quickie in the back seat."
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent
survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In
response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered
'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several
times a night'." "That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how
it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.
I think I'm going to give up on being a flasher and retire --
although I might try to stick it out for another year.
Rosey posing thoughtfully in the mirror says to Paula, "I think I'm
going to see a dietitian." Paula asked, "Why?" Rosey answered,
"'Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories are in
sperm!" Thinking a minute, Paula said, "I really have no clue, but
if you are consuming that much of it, no guy is going to care if you
are a little chunky!"
Stan kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
National collector's mint - The 2010 $50 Gold buffalo tribute proof.
Recreates the first .9999 fine 24-karat gold clad tribute proof
struck by the U.S. Government and the purest gold coin ever minted.
Each 2010 $50 Gold Buffalo Tribute Proof comes complete with an
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Terrorist Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interpreting a Terrorist Alert
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line in the British army for the
last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive
strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere..
security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing
defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers
flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue
us". Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has
ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New golf Terms
(1) A "Paris Hilton,"-- an expensive hole
(2) A "James Joyce,"-- an impossible read
(3) A "Rock Hudson,"-- looked straighter than it was
(4) A "Cuban,"-- needed one more revolution
(5) An "Elton John,"-- a big bender that lips the rim
(6) A "Monica Lewinsky"-- all lip, no hole
(7) A "Lou Gehrig,"-- a dead Yank
(8) A "German,"-- a hookenflecker
(9) An "Adolf Hitler,"-- two shots in the bunker
(10) A "Saddam Hussein,"-- from one bunker straight into another
(11) A "Yasser Arafat,"-- ugly and in the sand
(12) A "Kate Winslett,"-- little bit fat but otherwise perfect
(13) A "John Kennedy, Jr.,"-- didn't make it over the water
(14) An "Elephant's Ass,"-- it's high and it stinks
(15) A "Rodney King,"-- over-clubbed
(16) An "O.J. Simpson,"-- got away with it
(17) A "Princess Grace,"-- should have taken a driver
(18) A "Princess Di,"-- shouldn't have taken a driver
(19) A "George W.,"-- steadily fading
(20) A "condom,"-- safe, but didn't feel very good
(21) An "Anna Kournikova,"
result
(22) A "Brazilian,"
(23) A "Rush Limbaugh,"-- too far to the right
(24) A "Nancy Pelosi,"-- too far to the left
(25) A "Nelson Rockefeller"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
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View Website
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a
local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the 'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per
insertion."
"You don't say," said Jill. "Well then, here's $20 and to hell with
the advertisement!
~~~~~
I went into a liquor store the other day without my ID, and the
clerk asked me, "Are you 21?"
At first I was flattered when he asked for an ID. I told him I had
not brought it because I thought I looked over 21. Then he asked me
to smile, so I grinned at him. He stuck his face over the counter,
peered at me closely, and just handed me the bottle.
I asked, "What were you looking at?"
He said, "Your crow's feet."
I asked, "Why didn't you just ask me to pull up my shirt and show
you my sagging breasts?"
~~~~~~~
Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife
lying in bed naked with large hickies all over her neck and big red
bruises and red welts all over her breasts. She had obviously been
ravaged in sexual passion. Doug then noticed a burning cigar on the
nightstand next to the bed. He screamed at his wife, "What is going
on here? Who did this to you?"
His wife calmly and innocently said, "No one, Doug, Whenever I try
to smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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for just the cost of shipping and handling
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 16 year daughter shows up in the house really late after
her first date. Her angry mother asks her where the hell
she's been all night.
"Mom, I think I am in love!"
"What do you mean, it was your first date with this guy!"
"Yeah, but I sucked his dick and then he fucked me in the
ass."
"That's not love, my little one, that's lust. When you first get
fucked in the ass and then suck his dick.... that's love!"
A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a
T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee-
shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant
'Tits Go In Front'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sweet Smile
http://silverandgol
From Kathryn/Coldest Of Winter
http://adreamandasm
We've All Been There
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Strange Hotels
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Flash Pacman Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Free Indoor Project Plans Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
How Is Wind Chill Calculated? (Plus 9 More Wind Chill FAQs) Via
Dianne
http://www.mentalfl
Vancouver Olympics 2010
http://www.vancouve
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Talking Technology! Type in what you want them to say...
http://www.oddcast.
Anti-Phishing Working Group
http://www.antiphis
PIRATE VOYAGER'S "IMAGERY TOOLS & MORE"
http://scarletimage
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.cutethin
Kitty Korner
http://www.northrup
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Funny Hidden Camera Video http://www.buffalos
Girl On Bike
http://www.buffalos
Giving Change
http://www.buffalos
Glade Plug Ups
http://www.buffalos
Go Browns
http://www.buffalos
Amnesty Bills Worst Provision
http://www.buffalos
Funnel Prank
http://www.buffalos
Funniest Video Of The Year
http://www.buffalos
Funny
http://www.buffalos
Funny Video
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and
had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A
small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the
birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch
says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the
sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you
tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The
woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree, & replies, 'It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the
best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'
If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected
swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the
side. (Orson Scott Card)
When the baby was born, the parents couldn't figure out which sex it
was. Rather than assign it a sex surgically, however, they opted to
let the child decide when it grew up. However, to get by in modern
American society, they did need to assign a gender to avoid sticky
situations. Thus, by dressing the child in girl's clothing, they
managed to skirt the issue.
A student in a science class wrote, "The universe is a giant orgasm"
(instead of organism). At the end of the student's essay, the
teacher commented, "Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang
Theory."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perfect Fit Buttons are the quickest and easiest way to add or
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You'll receive four Perfect Fit Buttons for jeans, khaki, brown and
black pants.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
complain2
http://www.buffalos
complete
http://www.buffalos
complete asshole
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computer joke
http://www.buffalos
computer of yours
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Air Climber - Make Exercise Fun Again
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View Web Version
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is an old hermit named Dave,
Who keeps a dead mower in his cave.
Since he can't cut the grass,
Now it's up to his ass.
(His donkey, you censors; behave!)
There was a woman I use to see
Who loved to come play with me.
She was always at best,
When we did it without rest
We practiced so that it worked perfectly
Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
Murmured she, with a laugh,
"It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Smart Power Dock
Say goodbye to counter clutter forever with Power Dock. Keep your
cell phone, charger, music player and more without any tangling.
Hooks are also attached for hanging keys. Stay organized, charged
and ready to go whenever, wherever - from your home to your office.
Order today and we'll double the offer.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was managing a 16 unit apartment complex in San Diego that was
furnished apartments because most of the tenants were Navy people
without furniture. I had a two Navy WAVEs move into one apartment
and as things progressed one got married and the other moved out.
The remaining tenant asked me to remove the couch from their
apartment as they were buying a living room set. I told her no as I
had no place to store a couch and the woman went over my head and
contacted the owner who in turn contacted me and told me to take the
couch out and bust it up and put it in the dumpster and if we were
to rent the apartment again to someone without furniture she would
find another couch I was miffed that the woman went over my head and
that I had to break up the couch but I did as I was told, putting
the couch upside down on the dumpster and hitting it with a sledge
hammer. After a half dozen whacks a massaging device of the 9 inch,
rubber coated, G- spot type fell out of the couch. It seemed only
fair that I return it to the owner so taking a piece of drapery pull
cord I tied a standard 13 knot noose and placed said massager in the
noose. As the tenant was out of town on honeymoon for the weekend I
attached it to her doorknob and left a note saying, found this in
your couch, figured you wanted it back. Judging by the cold stares I
got from her after that she wasn't amused and her husband brought
the rent over each month after that.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
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Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
the office.
Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fraud alert!
I just got scammed out of $35! Bought a new Tiger Woods DVD
entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Damn
waste of money
Randy
A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent
a certain restaurant. The food was always good,
but the waitress always looked and sounded very
sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling
rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when
she came to take their orders, "Do you believe in
free sex?"
The waitress huffed up and yelled at him, "I certainly do NOT!"
"Soooo," asked they guy, "what do you charge?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
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Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1756
Kold Weather
BJ is in bed and it is the middle of the night when....
Sandi: Daddy?
BJ: What?
Sandi: I would like to get under the covers.
BJ: You never get under the covers.
Sandi: I am cold.
BJ: Well here ya go.
BJ pulls the top blanket over Sandi who is nuzzling close to BJ.
Katie
is deep under all the blankets laying on BJ's feet sound asleep.
Back to sleep.....
Later....
Rudy: A-Rooo!
BJ: What do you want?
Rudy: Want on the bed.
BJ: Come on Rudy.
Rudy climbs up and nuzzles close to dad.
Rudy: Ah, can I have some blanket to?
BJ: Sure thing though I thought I would never see the day...er
night.
Soon all the dogs are covered with blankets and sawing logs and
cuddled close to dad.
The herd in Guthrie
(The guys were really chilled and tonight it is supposed to be minus
20 wind chill.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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