Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
I went through boot camp at Great Lake in 1972 and along with our
uniforms we received a ditty bag that contained along with
toiletries a laundry brush, a piece of line that rendered about 25
clothes ties to attach your uniforms to the clotheslines in good
weather, a soap dish with lid, and a book of chits worth either 30
dollars or 60 dollars which was an advance on the paycheck you would
receive when you departed boot camp. We stopped at the exchange and
purchased soap and bleach which was all combined together and stored
in the laundry room. Each laundry room served two companies and was
located between the two barracks on each floor. We were the State
Flags company and our sister company was the RTC Band. We had no
special skills other than being the one company every 13 weeks that
has to carry the flags for about ten graduations and whatever
parades that happened in Chicago or Milwaukee. Directly below us on
the second floor was two companies of Academy-prep people going
through boot camp and they considered themselves the elite group in
the building.
The laundry room consisted of long sinks of terrazzo or some rough
material accessible from both sides and a drying room with steam
coils that was used during the winter. You also had a 14 qt. bucket
that you filled hot soapy water to soak your clothes in before
laying them out on the sink and scrubbing them with the scrub brush.
Along about our 7th week , 7-4 day if I remember correctly, both
companies were in doing their laundry so we could head for the TV
lounges and have a smoke as we studied for the weeks test. RDC Baker
our company commander had departed several hours before and we were
pretty much unsupervised. Someone got the idea it would be fun to
soak someone down with a bucket of water- amongst the officer
wannabees below us. The guy the soaked grabbed a bucket of water and
ran up the stairs and soaked down several people in our laundry
room. Those people filled up their buckets and ran back down and
threw it in an arc soaking down about ten people who grabbed buckets
of water and ran back up the stairs.
These people may have all become admirals eventually but what they
didn't anticipate was 30 people waiting at the top of the stairs
with buckets of hot water and they were hit by a tidal wave which
washed them back down to their own floor. Unfortunately the water
didn't stop there, it continued down to the first floor which opened
up to the buildings quarterdeck and the people on watch there became
concerned about water getting all over their waxed and buffed deck
and sent the messenger up to investigate. By this time anybody who
came up the stairs was treated as an enemy and no one noticed the
man was not a recruit and soaked him too. The next group that came
up included a CPO and they announced themselves before they came up.
We were herded into our barracks and stood dripping in front of our
bunks while they located our Company Commander at the Chief's Club.
He was very upset when he got there and after lecturing us for
several hours and threatening to send us back to our 1-1 day to go
through it all over again, we commenced field day on the barracks,
laundry room, stairwell, and quarterdeck which took us till long
after taps.
I have always wondered why they didn't throw us all in the brig or
some other suitable form of military instruction for what we pulled
like happy hours till retirement, but nothing was ever said after
that. I don't know if it was laxness at the end of the Vietnam War,
or they thought it was all right for us to blow off a little steam
as no one got hurt, or maybe they were just too embarrassed to admit
that we got out of control on their watch. It could be also that the
whole incident never left the building.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Management Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An oldie coming around again but definitely has some lessons in it!
S
5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower, just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands David, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, David says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of David.. After a few seconds,David hands her $800
and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ' Who was that?'
'It was David, the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each
of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..' Poof!
She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of
a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
bull. It's full of nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on
him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A
passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
Send this to five bright people who have enough sense of humor to
take it
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
ask Jeeves
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burglary
http://www.thepostm
on parade
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and
drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came sswwiiishing down the
aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that
he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if
you could just put your trays up, that would be super. Thanks'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.. `
'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked
you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the
ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a
Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a
beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I
outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby: I am an 18 year okd girl from Arkansas and I'm still a
virgin. Do you think my brothers are gay?
A ladder was placed against the bedroom window of a burning house,
and a young fireman rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a
see-through nightie. "Aha," said he, "You're the second pregnant
girl I've rescued this year!" "But I'm not pregnant," indignantly
exclaimed the brunette. "You're not rescued yet either."
Gay: A guy who enlarges the circle of his friends!
There are three elderly people that get together on Friday night to
play cards. Normally they play in the kitchen but on this night the
kitchen is being remodeled. Not having a card table they decide to
play cards in the living room with no more than a paper spread over
their laps. Now the three people's name are Peter, Penny and
Pricilla. After a few hours the two ladies decide to "powder their
noses." While in the powder room Pricilla looks at Penny and says
"Penny did you see Peter's pecker poking through the paper in the
parlor as we were playing poker?" Penny replied "Pricilla, don't
talk about Peter's pecker poking through the paper in the parlor as
we were playing poker! It makes my pussy pucker and I can't pee!"
Why is a cheerleader like a tampons? They're both stuck up bitches!
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women. It's a
combo car -- They're starting with the Renault "Clio". Then adding
luxury features from the Ford "Taurus". The result will be sold as
the "Clitaurus". It only comes in pink. The main benefit of the new
hybrid: the average car thief won't be able to find it, even if
someone tells him exactly where it is.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Store Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may
choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign
reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues
upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She
goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking
and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly
stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous,
Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so
tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and like beer.
The third floor has wives that love sex, like beer and have money.
The fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young blonde was having problems with her first
case of hemorrhoids. With all the burning, itching
and swelling she didn't know what to do. She calls her
older blonde friend and says, "I'm itching, burning
and it's swollen - what can I do?"
The older blonde says "Hehehe, you have hemorrhoids.
I'll go down to the pharmacy and get you some
Preparation H; that will take care of your swelling
and itching. You just set still !!!!"
After about 1 hour the young blonde was still
itching and burning more and more. The older blonde
delivers the Preparation H and tells the young blonde
"Take this and you will be better in about an hour.
I'll call and check up on you in a couple of hours."
The young blonde, not reading the directions, rips
open the box and swallows the whole tube, thinking
this is the worst taste she has ever ran across her
lips. She tries to spit it out.
The phone rings and she answers, "Ssssswwwellooooo.
It's the older blonde. She asks, "So, how are your hemorrhoids?
The young blonde replies, "They still itch and burn
but I can whistle better than ever before !!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pair of stripteasers named Betsy and Beth were grinding it out
before an audience of all-male art lovers when Betsy noticed that
Beth's G-string was slipping. Betsy whispered urgently, "Oh, Beth,
where is thy string?" Beth looked down and shrugged. "They'll think
it's part of the act," she whispered back, "if you'll just bare with
me."
When the baby was born, the parents couldn't figure out which sex it
was. Rather than assign it a sex surgically, however, they opted to
let the child decide when it grew up. However, to get by in modern
American society, they did need to assign a gender to avoid sticky
situations. Thus, by dressing the child in girl's clothing, they
managed to skirt the issue.
A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits
down, and says, "Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work." And
the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?" The guy says, "I take care
of the corgis--you know, the dogs the royal family owns." The
bartender asks, "Tough job, huh? The guy says, "Yeah. All that
inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the
dogs aren't too smart, either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/High Country
http://silverandgol
Choices
http://www.poetryby
Judy w/ Down Down ~ Unknown
http://frommyheart2
At Any Cost
http://www.poemsbyc
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Volunteer to be mummified in TV documentary ? Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Modern Toilet
http://www.shangral
Timewave Zero
http://spiralnexus.
Ancient Church Megiddo 2005
http://spiralnexus.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Online PDF Generator Via Wesley
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IP Chicken
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Be Your Own Webserver
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.nextdayp
Kitty Korner
http://www.paws-
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Movie Links
Home Paternity Test
http://www.buffalos
Homemade Water Slide
http://www.buffalos
Homer Koehn
http://www.buffalos
Honey I'm Home
http://www.buffalos
Horse Race
http://www.buffalos
Good Job
http://www.buffalos
Go White Guy
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Great Escapes
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Greatest Movie Line Ever
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Guide Dog
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old
squaw for two twenty year olds? A couple of weeks later a couple of
fellow braves saw him back with his forty year old squaw. They said,
"What happened to your two twenty year olds?" The Chief replied, "Me
no wired for 220!"
Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I
find him very annoying. I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first
Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks
into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man
chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call
him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a
Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The
fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks
into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone
Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give
her a subtle, "Well?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim,
tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a
room, people say, "Oh My God!"
A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam.
She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little
trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet
from the curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.
The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the
examiner. She asks, "Now what?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aliens Come In Piece
http://www.buffalos
A Little Bush
http://www.buffalos
All Juice
http://www.buffalos
All Yours
http://www.buffalos
Allowance
http://www.buffalos
Alls Well
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Smart Power Dock
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man from Florida
Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her,
When they got into bed
He cried, God strike me dead!
This ain't a puss - its a corridor!"
~~~~~
There was a young athlete named Grimmon
Who developed a new way of swimmin':
By a marvelous trick
He would scull with his prick,
Which attracted loud cheers from the women.
~~~~~
His dick is most surely a dilly,
A grand and marvelous Willie.
His gal loves to give head,
But most often instead,
He ends by just screwing her silly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in
her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story
bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will
rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress.
The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the
windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner.
Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the
full extent, she takes off her bra and
panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still
takes no notice of her.
Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there,
totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the
window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady,
haven't you ever seen a window washer before?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DOG FOR SALE BY OWNER
* Answers to the name of: DOG
* Training: Excellent Guard Dog!
* Reason: Owner cannot afford to feed him
anymore, as there are no more thieves,
murderers, rapists or molesters left in the
neighborhood for him to eat.
* Most of them knew him as: "Holy Shit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
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Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
the office.
Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1760
The Runaway Bus
BJ works his way to the front of the bus and finds...
the bus driver with a fifth of Black Jack under his arms fast
asleep.
Katie wearing the bus driver's hat behind the wheel zipping right
along the highway. At a quick glance, the bus is doing eighty.
BJ: Slow it down Katie.
Katie: Why? We can cut out thirty minutes of driving.
BJ: There are three buses and nobody leaves until the last bus
arrives.
Katie: Oh! Okay. The bus starts to slow down.
BJ: Let me drive.
Katie: You have seizures, not a smart plan. Get Sandi, she is a
good driver.
BJ: Okay.
A few minutes later....
Sandi is nestled behind the wheel and all is 'normal'.
BJ: See if you find some coffee on the bus Diana for the driver. He
needs to sober up and take over the bus.
Diana: Sure thing.
Rudy: This is going to be a long trip!
The herd in Guthrie-Texas
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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