THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens:
Chickens Can't Fly!
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
A friend of mine told me about this new service in town.
I was going to take advantage of it because he gave
me a coupon. Unfortunately. it seems they could
not find it.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________
THE COMICS
pay attention
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k020.html
spread the news
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k021.html
72 virgins
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k022.html
hurry up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k023.html
question
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k024.html
yes I know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k025.html
de froster
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k026.html
we don't care
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k027.html
missing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k028.html
crabs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k029.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
tape measure trick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8889.html
monster tickler
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8890.html
Levis911-wav
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8891.html
golf
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8892.html
guns
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8893.html
the Harley rider
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8894.html
_____________
The Old Country Boy's Rules For Fighting A Skunk:
1 Pick a young skunk
2 Make sure he is downwind
3 Get a 12-gauge double-barreled shotgun loaded with
double ought shells
4 Better still, get a 30:06 with a scope -
you can stand further away
5 On second thought, don't pick a fight with a skunk -
there's a good chance something will go wrong, you'll
lose & end up with a pocket full of stink
The above rules apply equally well for dealing with politicians
_____________
$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at
Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and
pulled out some lint and two dimes and something
that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed
the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the
truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo
hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said
to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the
senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he
was talking to and then heard the sound of change
hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he
said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48,
not even 50 yet a mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering
what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in
the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed
back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he
was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a
word, he held up something and jingled it in front
of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What
am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far
without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain
at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed
back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition,
but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys
and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I
noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview
mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview
mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus.
The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread
all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut
on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo
biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later
I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to
finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my
stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I
reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and
strode back into the restaurant one final time. There
Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All
I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All
I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?"
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help
me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and a
pply for Social Security benefits. Emo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad
came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He
was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took
the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does
stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a
40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And
no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving
this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met
me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food
and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking
chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
________________
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed
her husband with twin sons. They loved the children
very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children.
Finally, after several days, the fisherman said,
"Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little
while, the names will simply occur to us. After several
weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a
peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would
always turn towards the sea, while the other boy would
face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents
positioned the children, the same child always faced the
same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away,
suggested the fisherman." His wife agreed, and from that
point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.
The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons,
"Boys, it's time that you learned how to make a living
from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their
goodbyes, and set sail for a three-month voyage. Three
months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the
ship had not returned. Another three months passed,
and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the
grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house.
She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has
happened to my darling boys?" she cried. The ragged fisherman
began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day
out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards
fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal.
For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without
either of them letting up. Yet eventually, the great fish
started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the
side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw
either of them again." "Oh dear, that must have been
terrible! What a huge fish that must have been! What a
horrible fish. What a horrible, horrible fish!"
"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away!"
___________
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to
checkout, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed
the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was
ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You
must be single.' I was a bit startled by this proclamation,
but I was intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at
the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about my selections that could have tipped
off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting
the better of me, I said: Well, you know what, you're
absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?
The drunk replied, 'Cause you're fucking ugly.'
__________________
wife had suffered for a week from a really nasty
virus and it left her feeling completely wiped out. On
the first day that she could crawl out of bed she
discovered a "silver lining." Pulling on a pair of jeans
she called out to her husband"These jeans fit!
They finally fit!"
"That's great" the husband replied"but they're mine."
________________
An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and was sipping his
coffee, a young woman sat down next to him and asked,
'Are you a real pilot?'He replied, 'Well, I have spent
my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports,
flew in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, taught
50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess
I am a pilot.'She said, 'I am a lesbian. I spend my whole
day thinking about naked women. As soon as I wake up, I
think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked
women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It
seems that everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a
young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot
and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
The old pilot replied, 'I always thought I was, but I
just found out that I'm a lesbian.
________________
FUN PAGES
Six Finger Monkey
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41425&s=n
Freestyle With Footballs
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38551&s=n
Funny But Sexy T-Shirt Girl
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40650&s=n
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Ouch!!
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91906.htm
Recession
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91907.htm
Red State Update
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91908.htm
_______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Glock Home Protection
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000642.html
Glow In The Dark
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000643.html
Glow In The Dark Condoms
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000644.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FRMO:
MARTIN AKA THE POSTMAN!
__._,_.___
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