THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Too often we underestimate the power
of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential
to turn a life around.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Sexting, or, "sex texting," is becoming a
big problem among America's teens. Luckily for
parents, a lot of sites are posting some common
sexting terms used by teenagers so they can
keep tabs on what their children are up to.
But these days, more and more old folks are
using cell phones and (probably) sexting each other.
So how can you tell if grandparents are sending
other grandparents dirty text messages?
Here are a few terms and codes keep an eye out for:
DYRS – Do You Remember Sex?
MWIIACWC – My Wife Is In A Coma, Wanna Cyber?
TVKI – The Viagra's Kicking In
ITAC – Is This A Computer?
GoL – Grandchild on Lap
N911 – Nurse Alert
420 – Dinner Time
IOMM – I'm Off My Meds
MGIAQ – My Grandson Is A Queer
SYHFUMA – Shove Your Hummel Figurine Up My Ass
FOLS – Fond of Leathery Skin
DiR – Death In Room
TYDO – Take Your Depends Off
LMIRLABE – Let's Meet In Real Life At Bob Evans
OSMGISUMWC – One Second, My Grandson Is Setting Up My Web Cam
MPHWHJ – My Parkinsons Helps With Hand Jobs
TCS – The Catheter Stings
WYWM – Will You Wipe Me?
LSMSSCOW – Let's Spend My Social Security Check On Whores
WMBRB – Watching Matlock, Be Right Back
LDOMC – Lay Down On My Craftmatic
KADC – Knitting A Dildo Cozy
LMG – Lost My Glasses
RU/81 – Are You Over 81?
WSTMO – Willard Scott Turns Me On
PRUN – Prunes
LYWMGUO – Leave Your Wal-Mart Greeter Uniform On
IFTWPA – I Forgot To Wear Pants Again
LLP – Let's Lemon Party
-----------------
FROM:
THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Gonorrhea Lectim Strain
The United States Center for Contagious Disease
Control has issued a level 1 warning about a
new virulent strain that has been quickly spreading.
This disease is contracted through dangerously
high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim, and is pronounced "gonna re-elect dem".
Research has confirmed that most victims contracted
this dangerous and destructive disease after having
been screwed in November 2008. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed at how destructive this disease
has become and have further learned that it is
easily cured....by simply
voting out all incumbents!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
marketing failure
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k050.html
where will you be
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k051.html
women vs men
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k052.html
get it straight
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k053.html
how birds view the world
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k054.html
I'm trying
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k055.html
see what happens
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k056.html
distractions
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k057.html
vibrating
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k058.html
he's not here
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k059.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Colorea
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8906.html
Lost Generation
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9001.html
Nolan's Cheddar
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9002.html
Australians
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8907.html
the turtle and the eggs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8908.html
a good shot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8909.html
parking
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9000.html
____________
A newlywed couple wake up on the first morning of the
their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a
stroll down the beach. On their way they pass a shanty
house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight
woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of
watermelon. The husband sees this and liking the idea of
his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her
whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in
disgust and refuses. The second morning they pass the
shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight
woman is sitting on the porch stark naked,
legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband
inquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that
woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the
air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is
the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would
pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try
to persuade his new wife to copy her
and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives
it one more try and inquires of his wife, "Why don't
you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to
sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the
shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on
the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there
naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks
hesitantly. "I don't rightly know, replies the woman,
"but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."
________________
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed
by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Bill
and his wife,Janice, listened to the instructor declare,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other..'
He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe
your wife's favorite flower?'
Bill leaned over, touched Janice's arm gently, and whispered,
'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'
And thus began Bill's life of celibacy..........
_______________
A young boy is standing on a street corner swatting flies.
Every time he sees a fly he utters, "fucking flies, fucking flies."
Just as the boy says it a shocked priest walks up and says,
"You should not curse the flies because every one of
God's creations has a purpose."
The little boy, unmoved by the priest's objection says, "bullshit."
"Well tell me 3 things on this earth that God has made without
a cause" says the priest.
The boy looks at him with a grin and replies, "Tits on a nun,
balls on a priest, and these fucking flies."
_______________
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether
men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man,
scornfully, "can keep a secret."
I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest.
"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."
"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.
"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has
kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."
________________
This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia. His Aussie
neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he was, decided to make
him feel welcome. He went next door to wish him welcome.
He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard chasing
ten chickens around like mad. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought
to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date,
he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Chinese man
When he looked through his window, he saw the Chinese man urinate
into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to
himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he
went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Chinese man.
At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his ear pressed against a
cow's big fat butt.
He became angry and went up to the Chinese man. "I'm sorry sir, I
want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Chinese
customs!" He yelled in the Chinese man's face.
The Chinese man looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think
you are mistaken. These are actually Australian customs. I was told,
to become an Australian, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk,
and listen to bull shit."
_______________
FUN PAGES
Illegal Swim
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41426&s=n
Dead Love
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41408&s=n
Top 8 Funny Word Definitions
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41109&s=n
________________
BUFFALO BILL
Voting Ad
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91101.htm
Argument Settled
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91102.htm
Been Married To long
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91103.htm
____________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Going To Work Monday
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000651.html
Golf Chip Shot
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000652.html
Golf Funnies
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000653.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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