Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
About a dozen people so far have sent me the story comparing
Hurricane Katrina and a blizzard in Marquette Michigan. The real
story involves a blizzard that hit the Plains States in October of
2005 just after Katrina. Although the amount of snow was exaggerated
a bit in the story, it did wreak havoc but the people pulled
together
and helped each other out. Stranded motorists were rescued,
utilities
restored and eventually the snow cleared away. It seems just a
bit unfair to compare a blizzard and a Category 5 storm. No one had
to climb on their roof because their house was full of snow to the
eaves
or had whole neighborhoods flattened like Hiroshima.
Having been through a blizzard of 68 inches in 48 hours. We were
prepared and warm and the couple of days it took after to open the
roads gave us time to dig the car out. The city hired every piece
of contractor equipment available and called in the National Guard.
I paid a hundred bucks to have all of my snow loaded up and hauled
away so I would have a place to put snow the rest of the year
because
this happened in December. A lot of people were inconvenienced
and a few lost roofs but I would put up with those every year then
live through one Katrina.
Enjoy the chips...... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jewish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you know that Moses had to make a third trip up to the top of
Mount Sinai? Well, on this third trip, Moses arrived at the burning
bush after much climbing, removed his sandals, kneeled and prayed to
God. "Oh mighty God, King of the Universe, your people have sent me
back here to ask you a question about the Ten Commandments.
question do they have for me?" roared the voice of God. "They want
to
know whether the commandments are listed according to priority."
------------
Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the
house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has
finally quit smoking. "Imagine that, Morty," she says, "someone who
smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a
sudden. Now that's what I call will power - something that you
definitely don't have." But Sadie hadn't finished. "And that's not
all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally
giving up drinking - another example of the kind of will power that
you don't have." "OK, Sadie," said Morty, "you want to see will
power, do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in the
spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won't be
affected at all by not sleeping with a woman." Morty keeps to his
word. One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there
is
a knock on his bedroom door. Morty shouts out, "What do you want?"
Sadie replies, "Marvin has started smoking again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
hangover
http://www.thepostm
organ replacement
http://www.thepostm
classic jokes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead
over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over
the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed,
and the vehicle identification numbers
of every car I've ever owned,
but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before
I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty darn soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands,
so I'm completely clueless.
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you
just said, and am hoping desperately that I
can fake it well enough so that you don't
spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse.
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit,
I'm starving already."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the mess, she cleans it up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How can you tell what clan a Scotsman is from?
A: You put your hand up his kilt, and if he has a quarterpounder, he
is a MacDonald.
Then there was the time when Sandy happened to sit by a journalist
on a train. After some conversation it came out she traveled a lot
and always traveled alone.
"Aren't you worried something can happen to you?" asked
the journalist. "And your friends certainly must feel some concern
for you."
"No, I've never been afraid. But I should call someone soon
to let them know I am still alive. By the way, all I need are three
little words when I want to be left alone."
"And those are...?"
"Are you saved?"
Warning
If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Sarah Palin" in the
subject line, do not open it. It might contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton" in the
subject line, do not open it. It might contain nude photos of
Hillary Clinton.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 14 Country & Western Horror Movies
14> Achy, Breaky Tell-Tale Heart
13> Nightmare on Rural Route One, Up Past That There Silo
12> Ah Seen What Y'all Done Last Summer
11> The Creature From Clint Black's Spittoon
10> Don't Tell Me You Love Me if You're Gnawing Off My Leg
9> Night of the Homosekshual, BMW-Drivin', Neiman Marcus
Suit-Wearin' Zombies
8> Jurassic Trailer Park
7> Something Twangy This Way Comes
6> Psychoklahoma
5> The Hounddog of the Baskervilles
4> All My Axes are in My Exes
3> Throw Momma from Shania Twain
2> The Expectorist
1> She Broke My Heart and Then She Ate It
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day at school, the teacher asked the children what their parents
thought was beautiful.
She asked Sally, and Sally replied, "My Mom thinks that flowers are
beautiful."
"Why is that," she asked?
"Because she says they smell really nice."
The teacher then called on Tommy, and Tommy replied, "My Dad thinks
antique cars are beautiful."
"Why is that," she asked?
"Because, he says they are so old and still preserved in their
original form."
Next she called on Little Johnny, and Johnny replied, "My Dad thinks
pregnant women are."
"Why is that," she asked?
"Because, when my sister got pregnant, my Dad said 'beautiful just
fucking beautiful!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
STD Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things overheard at the STD clinic
by Paul Demko
The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a
public
health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually
transmitted
diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades
ago;
it
now includes several hundred comments.
"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I
ejaculate
I
have flashbacks."
"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."
"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on
and my
face stunk and my dick hurt."
"My last period looked like meat."
"My balls feel soft and mushy."
"I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't
tell
you
they got something unless they mad at you."
"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"
"I got the dripper."
"I have food chunks in my urine."
"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with
Lysol--feelin'
a
little raw down there."
"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."
"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."
"I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old
homosexual man."
"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from
Minneapolis
over.
They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores,
they
smell like vagina juice."
"Can't you put the swab in further?"
"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and
my
other
new baby's momma has disease."
"Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of
Wheat
before it's cooked."
"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."
"The seam in my circumcision split open."
"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust
either
of them."
"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my
armpits."
"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the
adrenaline
out of me."
"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my
brain and had sex with me."
"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a
'chlamydiahoris.
"My pee smells like ham."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Echos of the Past
http://silverandgol
From Kathryn/A Very Good Day
http://www.adreaman
John w/ You Belong To Me
http://heavensgates
Rick w/ The Living Water (New Page)
http://www.wtv-
Sons Of God Of Genesis 6
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari Via Wesley
Bat House Plans - Assembly Directions
http://dnr.wi.
The Pollution Information Site
http://tinyurl.
Dynamic Periodic Table
http://ptable.
Bacon should be its own food group !
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Windows Repair.. Freeware
http://www.iobit.
Configure Your Start-up
http://www.netsquir
Sally w/ Night Lines
http://www.simplysa
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.howard.
Kitty Korner
http://www.thecatco
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You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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Movie Links
Crazy White Man
http://www.buffalos
Crime Scene Technology
http://www.buffalos
Cubs Game
http://www.buffalos
Cucumber Sandwich
http://www.buffalos
Dancing With A Man
http://www.buffalos
Dog In Pool
http://www.buffalos
Dogs
http://www.buffalos
Don't Smoke here
http://www.buffalos
Drill Team For Retired Guys
http://www.buffalos
Earthquake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Name Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that so
often used the name, Bubba. He went to court to change it and
appeared
before a judge who asked,
"Sir, why do you want to legally change your name, are you in
trouble,
hiding from the law, what?"
"No sir, Your honor, I'm just tired of listening to jokes about
rednecks that often use that name. It's Bubba this, Bubba that, so I
want
my name changed.
The judge asked," and what name do you want it changed to?"
He said, "Candy."
The judge replied, "Candy? Spell it for me."
He said, Candy, "C-A-N-D-Y, your honor."
The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, legally,
your name is now, Candy."
He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and
heard
"who's there?"
He said, "It's me!
She said, "come on in Bubba, the doors unlocked."
He said, "It's not Bubba."
She said, "Yes it is, I recognize your voice."
He said, "It ain't Bubba no more cause I done legally changed it."
She asked, "what it is?"
He said, "Guess."
She said, "Leroy?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Johnny?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Hell, I give up, come on in."
He said, "Wait, I'll gives ya a hint. Ya holds it in ya hand and ya
puts it in ya mouth.
"Oh!... Come on in, Dick
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
coin
http://www.buffalos
col sanders
http://www.buffalos
cold
http://www.buffalos
cold as
http://www.buffalos
cold as ice
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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View Web Version
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I once was a lad with holes in my shoes
And used to partake of all kinds of booze
Til I discovered that when I got muddled
All my romantic fantasies got befuddled
And I passed up too many a lovely screw
************
Barbara used to sing way up in the choir,
Til a wind lifted her mini a wee bit higher
And revealed tatooed on her pink cheeks
To a bunch of young male godless freaks
A legend, "This space will always inspire."
************
T'was a tempting sexyy Rhode Islander
Whose husband completely vexed her,
For regardless of the time they'd start
He unfailingly would invariably fart
With a blast that damn near unsexed her.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Smart Power Dock
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Order today and we'll double the offer.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought
his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him
out
on the counter.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes,
she
said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance
money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember
that
blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Story
My friend Linda is a bit older than most of the people in her
office , and
has worked there longer, so the rest of the staff often come to her
with
questions. She does not mind answering a quick question, but does
not feel
comfortable answering questions about the computer system. Her
company had
recently changed the help desk procedures and there had been e-mails
about
help desk protocol.
One day a young gal came to Linda with a question about the computer
system.
Linda asked if she had contacted "that guy who is sending all the
e-mails."
The other girl said she did not know who she was talking about, and
Linda
said "Fawk." The other girl said she had never heard of him. Linda
told her
that he had sent out several e-mails recently. The other girl again
asked
his name, and Linda said "Fawk." The other girl asked how that was
spelled.
Linda said "He must be an Arab. It is spelled FAQ."
The other girl never asked her another question.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
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Your package includes:
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Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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