Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I finally replaced my Microsoft Laser mouse today, that must have
been almost ten years old and been through three computers. The
cable was going bad and it would connect and disconnect whenever it
felt like doing so. Shake the cable or bounce it on the desk and it
would work for 10 seconds sometimes and an hour the next. It
had been doing it for almost a month and it was starting to drive me
nuts. It got replaced with the daughter's Logitech Wireless mouse
which she doesn't use with her laptop anymore because of the
transceiver cable she has to drag around which works great on my
computer. I am feeling much better now.
New Pet Peeve is the Russian Bride Industry that likes to target
people by ISP's. The letter that I got today was from me to me said
I was a 23 woman named Mary living in Moscow. That was humorous but
they sent the same message to every address they had for my ISP
meaning that family and friends and local businesses all opened a
mail they thought
was from the buffalo telling them I was a Russian Woman who wanted
to have sex with them and marry them which is not exactly the image
I want to project. People will think there are Commies in the
neighborhood.
We have been having a small problem with movies and toons lately.
Some people are getting a site not found. I went through a few hours
of error logs last night and found a few culprits that weren't
opening. The majority opened fine and there seems to be about 15
gigs of movies and toons going out each day so most people are able
to see them. On IE 8 it may help to go into tools> compatibility
settings and add buffaloschips.
use the
viewer on.
Got this from Wesley today, something for you ice fishermen
to think about.
"If you are ice fishing and your car breaks through the ice in water
more than fifty feet deep, remember to exhale slowly as you ascend
to avoid bursting your lungs. Also, watch for walleye and, if
possible,
note their approximate depth and what they are feeding on."
buffalo says definitely cheaper than investing in a fish finder.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SOLDIER'S LETTER
A SOLDIER RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE COULDN'T
SHOW
IT TO HIS FRIENDS, BECAUSE SHE SIGNED IT "MOTHER," AND THIS IS WHAT
SHE
WROTE:
M- IS FOR THE MANY TIMES WE DID IT.
O- IS FOR THE OTHER TIMES WE TRIED.
T- IS FOR THE TERRIFIC TIMES WE HAVE.
H- IS FOR THE HOTEL WE WENT TO.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY WE WENT.
R- IS FOR THE RHYTHM WE HAD.
THAT SPELLS "MOTHER" -- WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN 9 MONTHS.
HE WROTE BACK AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID:
F- IS FOR THE FUCKED UP LETTER YOU SENT ME.
A- IS FOR THE ASS YOU ARE.
T- IS FOR THE TROUBLE YOUR IN.
H- IS FOR THE HOE YOU REALLY ARE.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY YOU GAVE IT UP.
R- IS FOR THE ROMANCE WE NEVER HAD.
AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M THE FATHER
THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF THE BABY:
B- IS FOR THE BABY WITHOUT A FATHER.
A- IS FOR THE ABORTION YOU BETTER GET.
B- IS FOR THE BASTARD HE OR SHE WILL BE.
Y- IS FOR THE "YES" WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO."
SHE REALIZED THAT SHE FORGOT A FEW THINGS IN THE FIRST LETTER SO SHE
WROTE THE DICKLESS WONDER BACK AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:
B- IS FOR THE BEEF YOU HAD WITH ME.
E- IS FOR THE EATING YOU DID.
S- IS FOR THE GOOD PUSSY YOU SUCKED.
T- IS FOR THE TIMES I GOT YOU HARD.
F- IS FOR THE FUNNY MADE DICK YOU HAVE.
R- IS THE RASH ON YOUR ASS.
I- IS FOR THE INTERCOURSE THAT WAS BORING.
E- IS FOR THE ENERGY FOR YOU TO CUM.
N- IS FOR THE NASTY ASS DOG YOU ARE.
D- IS FOR THE DAD YOUR GOING TO BE.
AND THAT SPELLS "BESTFRIEND" -- WHO I WAS FUCKIN' WHILE YOU WERE
AWAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
equal opportunity
http://www.thepostm
hallucinations
http://www.thepostm
operation
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you're leading a sad life when a nymphomaniac tells you,
"Let's just be friends."
There was nothing to do on this Thursday night, so the two co-eds
were just hanging around the apartment. Brenda, who was dressed in
only a in bra and panties, was jiggling back and forth around their
place doing some chores. Abby, who was sitting on the bed, decided
this was the night that she would reveal her secret to her room
mate. "Take a break," Abby said to her friend, "Come over here and
sit down." As soon as Brenda sat on the bed, Abby leaned over and
kissed her full on the lips. "I've always wanted to tell you
something" Abby said, "It's kinda hard to say this. Well, let me be
frank". Brenda leaned toward her friend and said in a sexually husky
voice: "No darling. Let me be Frank."
The Los Angeles city council is about to adopt a $55 million
filtration system that will convert raw sewage into drinking water.
They figure if TV producers can recycle crap, why can't they? (Bob
Wells)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mommy Mommy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose? You
don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.
Mommy, Mommy!, are you sure this is how to learn to swim? Shut up
son
and get back in the sack!
Mommy, Mommy! The milk mans here. Have you got the money or do you
want me to go out and play?
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to holiday in Africa! Shut up son and put
your other foot in the CARE package!
Mommy, Mommy!, can I lick the bowl?
Shut up son and flush the toilet like all the other kids.
Mommy, Mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready? Shut up son and
keep spitting.
Mommy, Mommy!, why are we pushing the car over the cliff? Shut up
son
or you'll wake your father.
Mommy, Mommy!, the kids at school call me a werewolf! Shut up son
and
go brush your face.
Mommy, Mommy!, how far is America?
Shut up son and keep rowing.
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
Shut up son and get the marshmallows!
Mommy, Mommy!, Daddy's going out!
Shut up son and pour some more petrol on him.
Mommy, Mommy!, why do other kids tell me I have a big head? Don't
worry about them son. Now take your cap and go get me 50 lbs. of
potatoes at the corner store.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls! Shut up and get
back
in the barrel!
Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to go to England! Shut up son and keep
swimming.
Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big! Shut up son and
get
your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in.
Mommy, Mommy! What's a delinquent child? Shut up son and light your
cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.
Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids? Shut up son and
deal.
Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to go to China! Shut up son and keep
digging.
Mommy, Mommy!, why is Daddy running so fast? Shut up son and reload.
Mommy, Mommy!, can I wear a bra now? I'm 14! Shut up Stanley.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox? Not until I find a better
place to bury Daddy.
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut
up son and get back in the box!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you get when you cross creme de mint with Spanish fly? Creme
de pants.
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his
father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying
out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking,
they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed
at the girl's feet. "What's this, "she asked. "Taste it," he
replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
Embarrassing Moments: "Well, lover boy, what you lack in size, you
sure make up for in speed."
Trelawney was outraged to discover that his favorite club had passed
a law allowing members to bring their wives into the sacred premises
one evening a month. "Darn females barging in everywhere," he
grumbled. "Besides, the rule is unfair to bachelors like myself. Is
it all right if I bring a girlfriend?" The chairman of the house
committee pondered deeply, then answered tentatively, "I hardly
think anyone would object - provided, of course, that she's a wife
of a member!"
"And then he seduced me. And it wasn't the first time, either!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two decades ago, Paul Simon announced their existence
to the
world. Fifty ways to leave your lover. But Paul, either out of
possessiveness or sheer ignorance, did not list them all. He merely
repeated
the same five ways over and over, in his song. After much searching,
we have
found the other 45 ways.
Let's remember the five "ways" Paul already gave us:
(1) Slip out the back, Jack
(2) Make a new plan, Stan
(3) You don't need to be coy, Roy
(4) Hop on the bus, Gus
(5) Drop off the key, Lee
Now, the rest:
(6) Hop on your cycle, Michael
(7) Flag down a cabbie, Abby
(8) Ride off in your Porsche, Portia
(9) Ask to be free more, Seymour
(10) Say you need space, Grace
(11) Send a facsimile, Emily
(12) Send her to Paris, Harris
(13) Put her on the spot, Scott
(14) Mention your spouse, Klaus
(15) Tell her you're gay, Ray
(16) Tell her you're straight, Kate
(17) Take back the diamond, Simon
(18) Give the usual spiel, Neil
(19) Wish him death, Beth
(20) Get a new Bitch, Rich
(21) Hire a hit man, Rip Van
(22) Just be yourself, Dick
(23) Throw her off a bridge, Etheridge
(24) Sweep her under a rug, Doug
(25) Give him salmonella, Priscilla
(26) Fit her for concrete pants, Lance
(27) Tell her you love Kim, Jim
(28) Toss her in the bay, Dray
(29) Give her the scoop, Snoop
(30) Bury her under the floor, Moore
(31) Make him fret, Juliet
(32) Kick him in the spleen, Nadine
(33) Tell her you just chillin', Dylan
(34) Mention your V.D., Edie
(35) Use your auto, Otto
(36) Give her "Boo, hisses!," Ulysses
(37) Leave in the Day, Fay
(38) Maybe a Winchester, Esther?
(39) Let it get all messy, Jessie
(40) Kick him in the melon, Helen
(41) Hop on a plane, Jane
(42) Give two weeks notice, Otis
(43) Start wearing a skirt, Bert
(44) Fill her with Lead, Ted
(45) Move to France, Lance
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the leper say to the hooker after she gave him a blow job?
Keep the tip.
The Roman Catholic Church is coming out with a new low-fat Communion
wafer. It is called: "I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!"
Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them
mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male
masturbation, i.e. jerking off, spanking the monkey, slappin' the
salami and so on, there weren't any common terms for female
masturbation. "I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of
the women. "But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said
the first. "You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have
any slang terms of our own for it."
The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage,
there's only one thing I call it." "What's that?" "Finishing the
job."
Q: What do you say to a man with a three-inch dick?
A: Hahahahahahahaha!
Send This Warning to Everyone on Your List!
If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey
then asks you to show him your boobs... DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS!
This is a scam. He only wants to see your boobs!
Old Rabbi Wolfson was begging his board of directors to buy a new
chandelier for the synagogue. Pleading for more than an hour, he
sat down sullen and hopeless in his ambition to acquire a
chandelier. Then the elder president of the board stood up.
"What're we wasting time talkin' for?" he said rhetorically. "Foist
of all, a chandelier, ...
we ain't got nobody who could even spell it. Second, we ain't got
nobody who could even play it. And third, what we need most in the
synagogue is more light!"
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the
end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Alone and Homeless
http://silverandgol
Rick w/My Quilt
http://www.wtv-
John w/ In The Still Of The Night
http://heavens-
Confused
http://www.poetryby
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari Via Wesley
Create floor plans, house plans and home plans online.
http://www.floorpla
Bike Bamboo - Yep
http://tinyurl.
The Lost Museum - Barnum's Office
http://tinyurl.
Lake Maggiore Bugatti Brescia up for the auction
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Universal Remote Control Codes
http://www.remoteco
The Spamhaus Project
http://www.spamhaus
How SCSI Works
http://computer.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.dogfrien
Kitty Korner
http://www.glumbert
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Hard at the Beach
http://www.buffalos
Harley Ad
http://www.buffalos
Harsh Laws
http://www.buffalos
Herbal Elements For Men
http://www.buffalos
Hilary Campaign
http://www.buffalos
Get out of my bed cat
http://www.buffalos
GGG music video
http://www.buffalos
Girls scout cookie money
http://www.buffalos
Girl Vs desert Eagle
http://www.buffalos
Global Warming and the Classroom
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fairyland Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult News From Fairyland
Little Jack Horny was just arrested for Bo-Peeping in Mistress
Mary's window, where he was watching her and a Little Miss Muff It.
He spied'er and began to pull with his thumb till he was plum ready
to come.
Meanwhile Jill jacked her longtime beau, pulling his pud from crown
to thatchy down, and he had no sooner gotten off than she came,
tumbling after.
"Jack the Giant" is a killer too, with a *bien* (French for "good")
stalk that has all the girls going ga-ga.
Another candidate for Masturbator of the Year is Georgie-Porgie
Pull-the-Pud Pi (why "Pi"? Because his tool are square!), who
doesn't like girls nearly as much as he enjoys Barbar, his black
sheep. Mother got goosed while watching this shocking display. Who's
the guilty party?
Why, it's Robin Redbreast, that notorious party girl whose boobs are
raw from sucking. Georgie Porgy, feeling a bit less sheepish than
usual, found out that a certain short movie actress is into "water
sports," a sexual kink he's recently become fond of, so he arranged
for a rendezvous. Tinkle, tinkle, little star.
And that doubly endowed chap, Peter-Peter, gave up eating pumpkins
in favor of pussy but could never locate the clit correctly. He's
such a male chauvinist he didn't even care, but belatedly he had a
change of heart and, having finally found Mistress Mary's point of
pleasure, the male chauvinist went to find a pen so he wouldn't miss
it again.
Yes, this little piggy went to mark it. Unfortunately, he's been so
busy balling every chick he could find, he's paid no attention to
his house, which is now overrun with mice, and last night, as he lay
in bed watching a XXX video, Hickory Dickory, a rodent doc,
scampered up on his bed and ran up his cock.
That's all the news for now from Fairyland, and now the latest from
mythology. Our top story is about the girl who wants to Leda swan
astray. He made off with the lute! (Cynthia MacGregor)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Air Bag
http://www.buffalos
Air Bags
http://www.buffalos
Airline Food
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Airport Security
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Began with routine pat down
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Air Safety
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My missus, back when we were young,
Asked the doctor to fix her torn lung;
When asked how it ripped,
She replied as she stripped,
"Doc, that man I just married is hung!"
- - - - - - - - - -
We know cunnilingus is grand,
But what I cannot understand,
Who was the first guy,
To give it a try...?
I think we should give him a hand!
- - - - - - - - - -
My back aches, my penis is sore,
I simply can't fuck anymore.
I'm dripping with sweat,
And you haven't come yet,
And, my God! It's a quarter to four!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
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Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
the office.
Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One
who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up
late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie
down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad,
fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon
boating or playing golf or tennis...
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the
finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my
veranda again."
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be
envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She
asked, "What's his wife's name?"
Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
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Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of one hundred freshmen from McGill University each
contributed 10 bucks to the kitty. When the money was collected,
they drew lots to see which one would have the night's pleasure of
visiting Montreal's most famous call girl who charges one thousand
dollars for a super sex fling. That night the winner, a
love-starved, panting youth named Spencer, went to her luxurious
boudoir and handed her the money. "That's a huge sum of money for a
college boy to have," she told him. He explained the entire
situation to her, telling her how all the boys had drawn lots to see
who would have the joy of her shapely favors. She was touched by
the story and remembered her early days when a buck looked plenty
big in her purse. With softening heart she said, "I'm going to do
something that I've never done before.
I'm going to give you back your money." Then she gave him back his
ten dollars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
pads, Pet Zoom Pet Park's reusable surface stays fresh and sanitary.
Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
the office.
Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1759
Crusin for a Brusin
Katie: I want to drive the bus!
Rudy: Can't you just be quiet for five minutes. You have asked to
go to
the bathroom, you wanted food, water and have bugged for batteries
for your mp3 player, your dvd player and your cell phone.
Katie: So?
Rudy: We have been on the road only ten minutes.
Katie: So?
Rudy: We have seven hours and 50 minutes to go Katherine.
Over a few seats...
Sandi has climbed onto BJ's lap...
BJ huffing: You are a 80lb doggie Sandi, much too large to hold on
my
lap.
Sandi: Okay Daddy. I will move to the next seat.
Diana is asleep.
Sandi: I am glad you are taking me on this trip. If any wild
animal
comes close to you I will kill it.
BJ: Just relax and enjoy the trip Sandi, all will be well.
Finally they arrive at a breakfast bar in Texas and the group piles
out.
Rudy: Mother, Katie is driving me crazy can we switch places?
Diana: We are pretty close to being there. We have only three more
hours to go. Maybe she will nap after eating.
Inside the diner.
Waitress: Order please?
Diana: Pancakes and OJ please.
BJ: Same.
Rudy: Bacon, Sausage and water.
Sandi: Same for me.
Katie: Coffee, black. Coke, bacon, sausage and apple pie.
Rudy: All of that will keep you awake.
Later everyone is drowsy except .....
Katie: I do not know why we need the bus. Let me run along side
for
the next ten miles.
BJ: Inside Katie.
A few minutes later the bus starts to pull away.
Diana: We seem to be going faster than the other buses.
Rudy: Anybody seen Katie?
BJ/Sandi/Rudy/
to be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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